Worthlessness

[J0SHUA]

How do you deal with this feeling? I know my family loves me but even then it seems like only a couple of them really like me and want to be around me. Having friends is impossible and I'm losing way too many friends recently and I can't be positive with this constantly happening. I have a problem where I make people hate me without realizing. Out of nowhere they treat me like I was the reason behind the holocaust. It's something that's there that I can't see but everyone else in the world seems to see. I started picking up on this a couple of months ago and decided I was crazy and forgot about it, and now it's even worse and I know for sure it's there. The worst part is no one ever tells me why. People just leave me or subtly drift out of my life. Or sometimes it's very sudden and not subtle and they give me the silent treatment like a little girl but I get no information or reasons why. I'm so tired of people acting like they're 4 years old and not manning up and telling me. It's making me start to feel angry towards everyone in general which I don't want to feel. That's not godly at all. So now I have no confidence speaking to anyone. It is causing depression and feelings of worthlessness that I'm desperate to get out of. It's such a helpless feeling. Does anyone have the same problem or know how to fix it? I've been exhausted all day and I'm also losing interest in my education and life in general. It's very bad and I need to improve my self worth and esteem asap before my depression gets worse. I've been doing some research on this issue and it seems like a lot more people have it than I thought which was a huge relief. I'm going to try and contact them somehow. I'm friendly and easy to talk to I think so I'm not sure what it is. I'm honestly convinced that somebody tells rumors or something that I kill people in their sleep. No joke, I'm really starting to think things like this. It's not a coincidence and I must know what it is before I lose my sanity. Does anyone else have this issue and want to have casual conversations with me to find each other's flaws? Or can you see them in my text already? Please don't be like the rest and leave me without telling me what's wrong with me. I won't be offended at all. It's more offensive if you don't tell me because I question my personality all day until I finally go crazy or kill myself. I'm desperate for some relation. Someone please tell me that you honestly know what I'm talking about or tell me you have felt the same way before. I feel like no one understands me

 

[Going Merry]

Sorry you feel that way. Yeah I have dwelt in those feelings. Especially when I didn't have anything going for me. No friends, no job, no car, relying on my dad and living on bare minimum. I am still recovering from some issues dealing with a LDR I had with an Australian and abuse at home. People tend to not want to be around downers. If you think they dislike you its not because of that. But because you may seem depressed a lot that they drift away. I just involve my self into hobbies to increase my exposure to others. Currently I am powerlifting and boxing. I play video games online with a community I get to speak to often. I work as an agent so I get to speak to many different kinds of people. This exposure has helped me to be happier.

 

[J0SHUA]

Sorry you feel that way. Yeah I have dwelt in those feelings. Especially when I didn't have anything going for me. No friends, no job, no car, relying on my dad and living on bare minimum. I am still recovering from some issues dealing with a LDR I had with an Australian and abuse at home. People tend to not want to be around downers. If you think they dislike you its not because of that. But because you may seem depressed a lot that they drift away. I just involve my self into hobbies to increase my exposure to others. Currently I am powerlifting and boxing. I play video games online with a community I get to speak to often. I work as an agent so I get to speak to many different kinds of people. This exposure has helped me to be happier.

THANK YOU for replying. I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm not a downer and I was very positive and then this issue just ruined everything. I used to play video games as well but I don't anymore and I'm tired of online friends. They're nice but just like real life they end up disliking me and it doesn't help loneliness the way people in physical life do. I'm just trying to trust in God at this point. Things really need to change. Do you notice anything bad about me? Anything at all? I want to know why I'm so terrible. I want someone that hates me to just give me a huge hate speech with every single reason. That would make me the happiest person on the planet

 

[Going Merry]

THANK YOU for replying. I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm not a downer and I was very positive and then this issue just ruined everything. I used to play video games as well but I don't anymore and I'm tired of online friends. They're nice but just like real life they end up disliking me and it doesn't help loneliness the way people in physical life do. I'm just trying to trust in God at this point. Things really need to change. Do you notice anything bad about me? Anything at all? I want to know why I'm so terrible. I want someone that hates me to just give me a huge hate speech with every single reason. That would make me the happiest person on the planet

I don't notice anything bad at all. If I did I would tell you plainly.


Yeah online friends can get old. But you know what? It's ok. I rather text to someone that just sit idle with my thoughts and get mental again.

 

[J0SHUA]

I don't notice anything bad at all. If I did I would tell you plainly.

Yeah online friends can get old. But you know what? It's ok. I rather text to someone that just sit idle with my thoughts and get mental again.

Thanks man. I'm just gonna pray God directs me to people that don't make up standards for others to live up to to be their friend. That's a terrible quality in a person anyways so I'm at least proud of myself for not being one of them.

Yeah true. Online friends are better than none. I just feel it's wrong to make non Christian friends so I came to this site, willing to help others and be friendly, only to get my self esteem and confidence murdered in return. It's really frustrating but I know God can make things better though so I'll hope it's according to His will for things to improve. Thank you for the replies it's nice to get SOMETHING after feeling so hopeless and I've got a good feeling things will get better since God doesn't leave me like people do

 

[Going Merry]

Yeah.. god is good

 

[J0SHUA]

Yeah.. god is good

Yes He is

 

[drjean]

(((hug)))
I would suggest that you first see your MD and have a complete physical. Sometimes hormones change the way we feel and think---and sometimes it's very fixable with attention. Be sure to tell your MD what you shared here, maybe even print it out and take it.

If your physical shows up fine, then I think you need someone to talk with on a regular basis. If you can have conversations with that person, they might be willing to let you know IF you are saying things or acting in a way that might drive friends away... a professional could also help you catch yourself and correct your thinking and behavior.

The good news about your family is that you are 18 and won't have to have anything to do with them--or can limit your exposure--as you want soon. Nothing is permanent. Things can change.

 

[J0SHUA]

(((hug)))
I would suggest that you first see your MD and have a complete physical. Sometimes hormones change the way we feel and think---and sometimes it's very fixable with attention. Be sure to tell your MD what you shared here, maybe even print it out and take it.

If your physical shows up fine, then I think you need someone to talk with on a regular basis. If you can have conversations with that person, they might be willing to let you know IF you are saying things or acting in a way that might drive friends away... a professional could also help you catch yourself and correct your thinking and behavior.

The good news about your family is that you are 18 and won't have to have anything to do with them--or can limit your exposure--as you want soon. Nothing is permanent. Things can change.

Thank you your reply is very much appreciated. Yes I definitely want to talk with someone that will catch my flaws so I can correct them. I'm searching for someone with the same issue so we can do it together. I asked a couple of old online friends I recently got back in touch with and they both told me I'm great and that they enjoy talking with me. I have the choice of choosing positive or negative now so I'm just gonna drop it. One of my friends said it's not me and it's them, and I think she's right. They take advantage of my niceness and treat me negatively. I remember the beginning of my senior year in high school I talked with this really nice red head. She had the kindest heart and had a beautiful personality. These are the people I need to meet instead of the narcissistic ones that have standards you must live up to. I'm really exhausted of those people. I thought it'd stop after 9th grade, but nope, people are still at it 5 years later. I think it makes them feel better about themselves or it entertains them or something.

Yes you're right. I was looking forward to being more self reliant and making my life the way I plan if according to God's will and it was ruined by this idea of people never going to like me thing -- until I realized it's not me. I'm more confident now, realizing there's at least someone that likes me. It simply has proven I'm not 100% terrible so I'm a lot better now after this realization. Thank you very much for your nice advice drjean

 

[Liberal Angel]

do something that makes life feel meaningufl to you. i tried volunteering and i hated it, but now i mostly just try to help people as much as i can when i can.

 

[J0SHUA]

do something that makes life feel meaningufl to you. i tried volunteering and i hated it, but now i mostly just try to help people as much as i can when i can.

Thanks, I do. I've been fine lately with this issue but then today has been one of those days where I look back on my past and realize most people hate me and will continue to in the future if I don't change things. So I'm going to attempt to do just that and change things.

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm praying for you.

God Bless you