Worried

[rj84]

My girlfriend and I are very serious, planning on getting married before too long. We've talked about all the ins and outs of it, but one aspect keeps getting us into arguments...and that's the sex part. She grew up in a very conservative household where she never got "the talk," and she has lots of misconceptions about it. She views it as disgusting, hoping we only have to go through with it if we ever want to have a kid, and hates the idea of "pleasure". That leads to the other side of it...she's afraid of liking it, being that we humans sin and are therefore worthy of nothing. I tell her that it's a gift God has given us, that he wants us to enjoy, but she just doesn't believe me...
She's said before that she wants to go through with it for my sake because it will be good for me, but still holds the view that she herself will refuse to enjoy it.
Here it is in a nutshell: She doesn't think it's a big deal and would rather not do it at all, and I'm worried that she'll never come around and we'll end up married and missing out on a very important part of our relationship because she doesn't want to give it a chance.
I'm really at the end of myself...are there any details I'm missing? Things I could say? or do? A larger problem somewhere else maybe? Any advice will be hugely appreciated...

 

[Johnnz]

Unless your girlfriend changes her attitude your marriage will go through some pretty hard times.



She has a distorted view of life in general and sex in particular. I suggest you get her to read some good Christian literature about sex. Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat is pretty good. Other readers may know of something more recent.



Can you both go to one of your pastors and get some better understanding?



PM me if you wish



John

NZ

 

[EmSchmem]

Intended for Pleasure is really good still. It has held the test of time. Linda Dillow has a book called Intimate Issues that is wonderful and it's written to women specifically. In all honesty depending on what your church is like, I would suggest she speak to a counselor at your church. If you get married it SHOULD come up in pre-marital counseling but it might be a really good idea for her to talk with someone directly who has seen it a lot. I have some sexual issues becuase of some past stuff and talking to someone has helped alot.