I've come up against a problem that sounds really stupid, but is absolutely miserable.
I've been worrying that life is too good. God chose to save me, He put me in a home with parents that loved me and are able to feed me and pay for my education, I have a job that I love, God has given me a wonderful girlfriend, way more assurance and comfort than I could ask for and imagine, and even in my rebellious past protected me considerably from dangerous and stupid decisions I made. He has even been able to change me drastically with His spirit through all the OCD. When I look at everything God has done for me I am really thankful, but also scared and awestruck. I do not at all understand why He would do these things, and I am afraid. I know He loves me, but it feels almost too good to be true, like I'm delusional and things can't be this way, or that more disaster is on the way. I went through some pretty considerable hardships the past two years, and I'm just now starting to pull out of them, so it feels very disquieting to be happy now. I just worry God has blessed me so much in this life, so I won't be saved because I already got all my good things. And I feel like hardships that He could throw at me in this life won't be very bad, so I would still feel blessed. I'm so detatched from the world around me most of the time that things that most people struggle with blow by me and I struggle with ridiculous things others would never struggle with.
I guess I am just worried because if God has blessed me with so much and given me the strength to work through so many difficulties recently then I just don't understand how He could possibly want to keep going with it, even though I do want these things. I'm just afraid to be happy I guess and I can't understand how to fix that.
I've been worrying that life is too good. God chose to save me, He put me in a home with parents that loved me and are able to feed me and pay for my education, I have a job that I love, God has given me a wonderful girlfriend, way more assurance and comfort than I could ask for and imagine, and even in my rebellious past protected me considerably from dangerous and stupid decisions I made. He has even been able to change me drastically with His spirit through all the OCD. When I look at everything God has done for me I am really thankful, but also scared and awestruck. I do not at all understand why He would do these things, and I am afraid. I know He loves me, but it feels almost too good to be true, like I'm delusional and things can't be this way, or that more disaster is on the way. I went through some pretty considerable hardships the past two years, and I'm just now starting to pull out of them, so it feels very disquieting to be happy now. I just worry God has blessed me so much in this life, so I won't be saved because I already got all my good things. And I feel like hardships that He could throw at me in this life won't be very bad, so I would still feel blessed. I'm so detatched from the world around me most of the time that things that most people struggle with blow by me and I struggle with ridiculous things others would never struggle with.
I guess I am just worried because if God has blessed me with so much and given me the strength to work through so many difficulties recently then I just don't understand how He could possibly want to keep going with it, even though I do want these things. I'm just afraid to be happy I guess and I can't understand how to fix that.