Worried and possibly misremembering

[EtainSkirata]

Hey all,
So I have kind of a weird story. I was friends with a girl, B, from age 12 to age 24. We were best friends, but in the last few years of our friendship we kind of fizzled out and just slowly stopped talking. I don't resent this, it's part of life. Also, the friend group she and I were in... I kind of had a falling out with them and am no longer friends with them. So I'm no longer friends with her or anyone I used to talk to.
Another part of this story is that B and I went to college together. At one point she loaned me a creative writing book, as the one I had ordered for my class hadn't arrived yet. It eventually came, and I distinctly remember having 2 copies at one point.
Now, the problem: recently I'm wondering if I actually gave it back. I remember having 2 copies, but I also remember giving one away to the thrift shop (This would be after the quarter ended, and I was going through my shelf getting rid of old stuff).
I'm worried I donated her copy instead of returning it. And I don't have my copy either, eventually I ended up getting rid of that one as well.
So I'm more than a little worried about this, that I possibly ended up stealing her book 3 years ago.
And, again, I'm not friends with this person anymore. I don't have her number. I have her email, but that's it. And how logical even is this, the idea of reaching out to a person I really don't want to talk to again, over a textbook from 3 years ago?

 

[Radagast]

And how logical even is this, the idea of reaching out to a person I really don't want to talk to again, over a textbook from 3 years ago?

Not logical at all. Don't do it.

Of course, you may wish to reach out with a "how are you doing these days?"

 

[splish- splash]

You're simply, trying to be honest in your dealings which is a good thing. If one is a Christian though, they ought to be careful so they don't end up feeling drained by their relationship with the Lord. Christ doesn't want you to live in constant worry and anxiety. Do ask The Lord to help you move on from this because, you don't have the book anymore. You didn't steal and even if say you did, The Lord would have still forgiven you for it.

 

[pdudgeon]

Hey all,
So I have kind of a weird story. I was friends with a girl, B, from age 12 to age 24. We were best friends, but in the last few years of our friendship we kind of fizzled out and just slowly stopped talking. I don't resent this, it's part of life. Also, the friend group she and I were in... I kind of had a falling out with them and am no longer friends with them. So I'm no longer friends with her or anyone I used to talk to.
Another part of this story is that B and I went to college together. At one point she loaned me a creative writing book, as the one I had ordered for my class hadn't arrived yet. It eventually came, and I distinctly remember having 2 copies at one point.
Now, the problem: recently I'm wondering if I actually gave it back. I remember having 2 copies, but I also remember giving one away to the thrift shop (This would be after the quarter ended, and I was going through my shelf getting rid of old stuff).
I'm worried I donated her copy instead of returning it. And I don't have my copy either, eventually I ended up getting rid of that one as well.
So I'm more than a little worried about this, that I possibly ended up stealing her book 3 years ago.
And, again, I'm not friends with this person anymore. I don't have her number. I have her email, but that's it. And how logical even is this, the idea of reaching out to a person I really don't want to talk to again, over a textbook from 3 years ago?

I would say that you are remembering for a reason.
What I would suggest (since you do have her e-mail) is to write her and explain your situation with the two books. Then ask her (if you don't know) what was the cost of the text book, as you would like to reimburse her for it.

That leaves the choice of what to do in her court. Maybe she doesn't want the book or the reimbursement, but that's for her to decide.

Either way, if you write to her then you have a chance to settle this incident to both of your satisfactions, so that it won't be hanging over you.

 

[Grace1234]

Based from my ocd experience, Ocd can makes us feel a lot of anxiety and cause a false memories problem too. You can research it if you want to know more. So for the best solution for this problem,I think you should mail your friends. Not to worried about how her will respond. Because you do a right things, you didn’t do anything wrong. If she didn’t respond or she didn’t give a good answer. You don’t need to care. As least, you can stopped worried because you already mail her.

 

[Leet]

If I had a dollar for all the crap I lent and the crap I still have/had.
Lol don't worry about it.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Part of my "remembering" came from trying to figure out whether or not she said to keep a different book she'd loaned me. I think I'd brought it up to her, and I think her response had been "keep it." So I was trying to remember what the deal was with that one... and then my brain moved on to the textbooks. If i let it, it'll keep going along a line of "what about this? What if this?" And I kind of have to put on the brakes.
Also, like I said, this person and I aren't friends anymore. And I'm not sure if it's wise to reach out, given that the way I left the rest of the friend group wasn't pretty (I left as diplomatically as I could but they weren't happy).
Lastly, if I KNEW it was hers, I'm not so certain I would have given it away. So I either forgot who's it was... or DID give it back. And we're talking about something that happened years ago, so it's frustrating trying to figure out...

 

[Grace1234]

Part of my "remembering" came from trying to figure out whether or not she said to keep a different book she'd loaned me. I think I'd brought it up to her, and I think her response had been "keep it." So I was trying to remember what the deal was with that one... and then my brain moved on to the textbooks. If i let it, it'll keep going along a line of "what about this? What if this?" And I kind of have to put on the brakes.
Also, like I said, this person and I aren't friends anymore. And I'm not sure if it's wise to reach out, given that the way I left the rest of the friend group wasn't pretty (I left as diplomatically as I could but they weren't happy).
Lastly, if I KNEW it was hers, I'm not so certain I would have given it away. So I either forgot who's it was... or DID give it back. And we're talking about something that happened years ago, so it's frustrating trying to figure out...

False memory is come when someone is trying to remember somethings, but actually they can’t remember some of detail. So their brain end up add a new memory along it. And the more they think about it, the more thing will seem to be real. It can be a false memory. Actually,I’m not good at English, so I can’t translate all your messages clearly. But I just want you to try figure out about it carefully that either this memory is real or not. However,My advice would be you to mail your friends to ask her. At least, you can also clear the conflict between you two while asking about textbook. Either she will reply or not, you show your care. At least she will know that you didn’t mad at her and you can normally talk to her.

 

[stella55]

I can absolutely understand your feelings. I've also had some experiences like this.

One time, I visited a local museum. They had some brochures and booklets spread out on the information desk and I don't remember the exact circumstances now, but for some reason I thought that those were free to take. So I took one, and even made sure the cashier was seeing what I was doing, so he could tell me that I had to pay for it, if that were the case. But he didn't say anything, so I took the brochure home. However, when I visited the museum again some time later, I noticed the same brochure on a shelf with a price tag on it. I felt bad, but at that time, didn't do anything. Only a few years later I found the brochure in my house again, and decided to go to the museum and pay for it. I felt a bit stupid telling them that I accidentally stole it some 3 years ago, and they were also a bit confused about it, but at least I got that off my mind.

And I also have some books that I had borrowed from a friend way back in 7th grade or so. We stopped talking and many years went by, and I found the books again. So I reached out to the friend on facebook and we agreed to meet up, but for some reason the meeting failed and we never did. So now I'm also stuck with those books and don't really know what to do with them.

Also, I had a friend who had borrowed stuff from me (some of it really valuable). But whenever I asked her when she could give it back, she would say things like "Oh! I'm so sorry, I forgot to bring it with me, I will give it back next time, I promise", but never did. Eventually, I got fed up with her and cut off the contact (not just because of that, she also had some other qualities that I didn't like). However, if she suddenly reached out to me and asked me if she could give the stuff back, I probably wouldn't want to meet up with her and just tell her that she can keep it, although I would appreciate the character growth.

I'm not sure if my experiences could help you, but I just wanted to share them with you.

 

[EtainSkirata]

YOU GUYS.

I ended up emailing her, which to be honest felt like doing what the OCD-brain wanted, and felt like a bad idea, but I couldn't get it off my brain. And she sent me a really nice email in reply and said not to worry about it and to think of it as a gift between friends.

Yayyyyy!