Work vs. study.

[trustnotstress]

I didn't ...say anything about attitudes you had in the original post, just talked about what worked for me.

I disagree: "I'm sure there were times where it was much easier for your husband to stop getting his degrees, yet he still has them. It means to me that he identified his motivator and made the choice to push through, even when it was easier to give up, even when it meant sacraficing free time, family time, what have you. It sounds like you've yet to do the same."

That is a comment on my attitudes and a judgement. My husband did his PhD and only did his PhD and enjoyed it. While he was doing his PhD I was working fulltime and studying fulltime yet still had more freedom than I have now to do the same. Yet apparently I've yet to make the same sacrifices as him. OK. We've both given in this family. I do not appreciate the implication I am unmotivated and unwilling to make sacrifices. My problem is my tendency to try to do everything 100%. And with some of the issues faced by my husband, if my taking a job puts stress on the family and he can't cope, guess who has to deal with the fallout of that too?

And things have changed since my first post. I was very confused about the situation and how to make everything work when I posted that. I've since worked through a lot of that and am no longer confused and more accepting that I simply can't do it all. I just feel my intentions in the post were very incorrectly read. That may have been my fault. Even my poor husband got judged and there is nothing to judge him for. He's a great man and very supportive.

I apologise for misinterpreting your post. Thank you for taking the time to share with me. I'm out of here.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I disagree: "I'm sure there were times where it was much easier for your husband to stop getting his degrees, yet he still has them. It means to me that he identified his motivator and made the choice to push through, even when it was easier to give up, even when it meant sacraficing free time, family time, what have you. It sounds like you've yet to do the same."

That is a comment on my attitudes and a judgement.

How is that a comment on anybody's attitude and judgement? I said that I'm sure it was hard for your husband to get his PhD, but I'm sure he identified a motivator and pushed through it and that you should do the same to get your wants and needs balanced. That's called advice.

My husband did his PhD and only did his PhD and enjoyed it. While he was doing his PhD I was working fulltime and studying fulltime yet still had more freedom than I have now to do the same. Yet apparently I've yet to make the same sacrifices as him. OK.

Again, enjoying something doesn't mean it's not work or that it's not a challenge. They don't just hand out PhDs, I suspect he put a tremendous amount of work in and had a rough time doing it at times.

And again, you're seeming to want to make this a contest in who is the most put out, the most challenged. You've given up more than your husband. Your husband hasn't sacraficed as much as you. He has more freedom than you. The one poster who said you have a lot to be thankful for you told that when you were her age you had more kids, more responsibilities and she was better off than you were at that age. I share my story and I get ridiculed because I don't know how hard it is to be you and my work schedule and schooling paired with an ill child isn't that challenging... Why do you feel the need to rate how much you do to what others do to declare a winner as to who deals with the most? Who cares? Why does it matter?

We've both given in this family. I do not appreciate the implication I am unmotivated and unwilling to make sacrifices[.quote]

Who said that? Where, out of all that I said, did you get that?

My problem is my tendency to try to do everything 100%. And with some of the issues faced by my husband, if my taking a job puts stress on the family and he can't cope, guess who has to deal with the fallout of that too?

Actions have consequences, life is stressful. I don't know what to tell you. What I would tell you I've already said... Identify your motivators and find a way to push through it if it's that important to you. That's what I do when I'm overwhelmed and feeling down on myself or my situation. But apparently sharing my experiences and sharing my advice makes me holier-than-thou and judgmental, and what I'm doing isn't really that big of a challenge anyway. 4 jobs, going to school, and an ill infant is a cakewalk and I don't know what it's like to work hard...

And things have changed since my first post. I was very confused about the situation and how to make everything work when I posted that. I've since worked through a lot of that and am no longer confused and more accepting that I simply can't do it all. I just feel my intentions in the post were very incorrectly read. That may have been my fault. Even my poor husband got judged and there is nothing to judge him for. He's a great man and very supportive.

????

You were the one who judged him!!

 

[Sojourner1]

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