Work v Stay at Home

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I love my job (nursing) and I love kids.

How can I balance the two out when I choose to have children.

My mum is upset at me because I told her that in order to keep my nursing registration up, I plan to work at least one day a week (this could be 4 hours up to 8) after my child turns 18 months.

She was a single mum and fed herself on $10/wk after the bills and my food were paid for.

My wanting to go back to work (even for such a small amount as this) will not be for financial reasons so much as to get back into what I love, and keep a necessary registration up and running.

Can I ask someone for advice? Without it getting angry (you're a bad mum for working/you're doing nothing by staying at home)?

Any nurses out there who can offer suggestions about staying at home with the kids whilst not letting your registration run out?

Sasch

 

[alaskamolly]

I work at home and have children (and homeschool the children, actually).
My business is http://www.WorkatHomeConsulting.net and it came simply because I found myself wishing that somebody would do something like that! HA! Turns out, a lot of other women do to, and it's been going VERY well... It probably takes up 1-3 hours of my day (I have a team of consultants now, so it's not just "all me", if you know what I mean)...

I'm here to say that without a ORDERLY ROUTINE to the day, it will not work! Ask me how I know...

We have a set schedule to our days--flexible, but solid enough that certain hours are devoted to certain things... Before the children wake up, I work for an hour or two, and during their nap/rest time, I work for another hour. The rest of the day is devoted to me helping their Daddy, to their education, to playing, housecleaning/chores, outside-the-home activities, and whatnot... So that way my priorities always stay in line:
1. God
2. My husband
3. My children
4. My business

The daily routine is not something that came naturally to me--I'm more an artsy whimsy type by nature, but I've learned to LOVE it. It provides a structure for creativity, and we can pack so much more into our day than we ever could before, not to mention that I can usually make a good bit of income for our family each month, which always helps stretch that "minister's salary!"


Time to go finish up cleaning the kitchen and hit the rack! Congrats on your big upcoming transition!

Blessings,
Molly

 

[alaskamolly]

You know, I just re-read your initial post and realized I totally mis-read it at first. For some reason, I thought you were asking for advice on how to work while still mainly staying at home! Duh... Sorry for the above post that really doesn't have anything to do with what you were talking about!

I have a good friend who is a nurse and a SAHM, and she does exactly what you are talking about... I think she does one 12 hour shift a month or something like that... Personally, I think it's smart to do the minimum to keep the registration alive, and certainly does not tip the scales of "being gone too much."

Love in Him,
Molly

 

[BeanMak]

I am a nurse and it was THE BEST way for me. I would work when my husband was off. This gave him time to spend with the kids. I worked nights or weekends 12 hour shifts 2 or 3 times a week. This worked out well for us. I love my job and loved the stimulation and commradery that nursing gave me. My friends and I would watch each others kids.

 

[lucypevensie]

I have a friend who is a RN. She had a baby a year ago and still works about one day a week, sometimes less or more. She's been with her employer long enough that she has some say in what hours she wants. So she works mostly on Saturday or Sunday, when Dad can take care of him for the day. They use no daycare or babysitters. Presumably you'll be married when you have babies? Moms and dads make the best caregivers

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh yes - mum keeps telling me to hurry up and give her grandkids - the only way to keep her quiet was saying, hey I have a male friend, I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult! She quickly edited her words to say - get a ring first!

Yeah, no way will I have children until I'm married (and in a committed one at that) - I saw what my mum and my 2 closest friends have gone through without someone supporting them with it, and I just couldn't do it.

Thanks for all the advice - alaskamolly please don't feel embarrassed - that was always another option for me (working from home) - it was good for you to inform us of it!

Sasch

 

[mcb1998au]

Im not a nurse, but i did have a job that i gave up when i had my son. I worked for less than a year full time after i had him, i just felt like i was missing out on way too much. My mum and dad looked after him but i wanted to be there. Kids are only young once, once their childhood has gone it wont come back(unfortunately). So i decided to leave- i couldnt concentrate at work anyway .God Bless. Sue.

 

[selune]

I think that 1 or 2 days a week is ok providing that the kids are with family (preferably Dad so he gets good time with them). My husband sort of misses the days when he took care of our kids while I taught school, although neither of us miss those days too much since he went into work after I got home and we spent very little time together. Hope things work out for you.

 

[bliz]

Can women have it all - family life and career? Of course! But not necessarilly simultaneously.

Nursing gives you a huge amount of flexibility becasue you can work any hour of the day or night and in all sorts of situations. In today's world, you also aren't as pressured to have to choose all or nothing. There is much more part-time work available than every before.

I had no plans of staying home with kids. It did not intereest me in the least! But when my oldest was 7 months old I realized that when I was at work I felt like I should have been at home, and when I was at home I felt like I should have been at work and there was no joy in either place. I also realized that in 20+ years I was going to care a whole lot more about what kind of man was son was than how sucessful that particular business was. Begrudgingly, I stayed home - with no health insurance and little money. And within 2 months, my husband had a job with benefits, I had part-time work in my field I was able to do at home most of the time. Being home when my kids were pre-school and through the early grades was one of the best things I have ever done! There still wasn't a lot of money - 2nd hand clothes, no vacations - but what was gained by having lots of time nurse and bond and teach and play was priceless and has a lot to do with the kinds of people my kiddos are today.

I am not sayng that everyone should do it as I did. I could barely make the decision for myself so I'm not going to even try to make it for anyone else! But for me, it was one of the best choices I have ever made and, 21 years later, I have no regrets at all.

 

[retooferab]

Sascha Fitzpatrick, your idea sounds perfect! I wish my wife and I had been more disciplined in keeping her hours to a minimum. It's hard to go back once the hours (and financial commitments) are increased. As a professional with good earning potential, I think the temptations are even greater... be aware of them!

God bless you!
Retoof

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Thanks guys,

Yeah I hope that my as-yet not known hubby and I are able to be flexible enough so that it isn't just ME that is expected to look after the kids - with my 24 hour clock for working, I'm sure it won't be THAT much of a problem for him.

Of course, my mum ALWAYS tells me that when I have kids, she's more than happy to have them for a few hours (she's still very clucky - she goes driving for 2 hours just to babysit my cousin's kids - she's THAT clucky)....

Thanks for the suggestions guys!

Sasch

 

[mamaneenie]

Hi, I have a little boy who is 3 at the end of this year. I wouldn't worry too much about what you will do when you have kids, until you have the kids. If you know what I mean. Circumstances can change so much in so little time. I can't imagine going to work full time, but what you are suggesting seems reasonable, provided you child will be left with someone who loves them and will look after them properly. Perhaps working on a Saturday or something like that might work, but then I don't know your potential husbands schedules.

Alaskamolly, homeschooling is something I am considering, especially since I overheard someone talking about homeschooling and how popular it is becoming in my city at the public library last week. It has definitely given me a more open mind about homeschooling (sorry, gone off topic)

 

[LadyLamond]

I worked full time when my two oldest were little, but a babysitter we had at the time changed our mind about that when we picked up our kids and our daughter, who was less than a year old at the time, had a hand print across her face. I haven't worked a job since then where my hubby couldn't take the kids.

I think your idea of 1 day a week would be a good idea, as long as your hubby can handle your children.

 

[WolfGate]

My wife had the opposite experience. Fully intended to stay home when the kids were born, but after a year she was extremely depressed and convinced she would be a better mother if she did go back to work. And she was right. And our kids are well adjusted, secure and happy.

God made us all in unique ways. Don't let the pressures of others dictate what you should do - let God. And don't be surprised if what you think now will be your choice changes when the time comes.

 

[DIVAMOM]

I've posted in another forum about this as well. (Women's Discussion) My children are two and four and I just really feel like it's time to go back to work. I've been home for two and a half years, now, I'm really feeling restless. I started back to school this summer and am taking classes next semester, buy my husband and I feel like it's time to go back to work. I've thought about part-time, but child care expenses are more than pay check at that point, so we'd be better off financially not to do part time. If I go back full time, the kids will be in day care, but not all day every day. Mon-Wed, they would get off earlier because my husband will pick thme up around noon those days. I know so many people are against mother's working in the first five years, but I just can't agree right now. I am in a position where I really feel it's going to be better all around for our family if I go back to work. Am I prepared to go back home if I see danger signs, you bet.

 

[Celticflower]

I had no plans of staying home with kids. It did not intereest me in the least! But when my oldest was 7 months old I realized that when I was at work I felt like I should have been at home, and when I was at home I felt like I should have been at work and there was no joy in either place. I also realized that in 20+ years I was going to care a whole lot more about what kind of man was son was than how sucessful that particular business was. Begrudgingly, I stayed home - with no health insurance and little money. And within 2 months, my husband had a job with benefits, I had part-time work in my field I was able to do at home most of the time. Being home when my kids were pre-school and through the early grades was one of the best things I have ever done! There still wasn't a lot of money - 2nd hand clothes, no vacations - but what was gained by having lots of time nurse and bond and teach and play was priceless and has a lot to do with the kinds of people my kiddos are today.

This brings up a very important point, as does Wolfgate's post. Until you actually have children you cannot make a definative decision about working, full or PT or staying at home. Any decision should be tenative and subject to change based on the needs of the baby, mother and family at the time. But whatever you decide, don't feel guilty. If you choose to stay home don't feel guilty about the extras you can't afford -- it is just stuff. If you choose to work, don't feel guilty about leaving your child in the care of a competent sitter, but do pick a sitter carefully!! Whichever path you choose DO give your child your best-as a mother and as the woman you are.

Celtie

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Thanks,

Yeah this is all hypothetical at the moment - long way off!

Thanks for all your advice - I'm so pleased that there doesn't seem to be any 'narkiness' between the workers/SAHM here, and it's a breath of fresh air considering most threads about this very topic end up with people divided.

Sasch

 

[DIVAMOM]

Just an update for those of you that don't get on the women's discussion threads. I have decided not to work, but instead to go to school full time. I'm actually getting full financial aid, PRAISE GOD! The kiddos will only be at the babysitters, my best friend, three hours four days a week. This is actually going to work out for the best, and I'll have my associates in less than two years! Yeah!