woops, I'm an idiot!

[luv4godremains]

after 19 days, I cut yesterday! I wish I hadn't, I did it again today, I don't even see the point in trying, I can't be bothered anymore, I mean, they heal, even if the scars won't completely go, the cuts heal! so what's teh point in stopping? I mean, surely my smoking is more damaging?! and the eating habits!? so what's the point in me stopping, why not stop something more permanantly damaging? I can't seem to do any of it!
I wish I had never started cutting, but the fact is, it has probably saved my life countless times! I don't know how much longer i can hold on without it, so I'm just gonna give up for now I think!

 

[goldenviolet]

your post breaks my heart for you. *prayers*

 

[oneandlonely]

after 19 days, I cut yesterday! I wish I hadn't, I did it again today, I don't even see the point in trying, I can't be bothered anymore, I mean, they heal, even if the scars won't completely go, the cuts heal! so what's teh point in stopping? I mean, surely my smoking is more damaging?! and the eating habits!? so what's the point in me stopping, why not stop something more permanantly damaging? I can't seem to do any of it!
I wish I had never started cutting, but the fact is, it has probably saved my life countless times! I don't know how much longer i can hold on without it, so I'm just gonna give up for now I think!

Oh hunny, I have been there. I have been to where you are and it is not fun. You question over and over if there is even a point in trying to stop something that in ways you think is helping you.

But, hun it is not helping you! It is a quick temporay fix, and it won't help your problems. Sure it may help you for that moment, but how are you going to feel the next morning?

Does anyone know that you are struggling with this? If not, could you please tell a trustworthy adult? I know that if you haven't told anyone before, that telling is a scary though. But is DOES help if you tell the right person. Believe me, if I wouldn't have got up the courage to tell my youth pastor, I would still be where you are, Not wanting to stop.

The thing is that it does leave some damage, emotional damage.

Hun, if you ever need to talk about anything, I am here. . I mean that too, I don't care what it is about I will listen.

I am praying for you

 

[Loopi]

*hugs* cutting has saved my life several times too hun so i know where your coming from. Its saved my life in the last week..but less of that.

*hugs* try and tackle one thing at a time hun, often when you try and free yourself from one coping mechanism, you fall heavier onto another one. I know frm my own life that when i tackled the worst of my eating problems my sh got worse, but in time, when you are ready, and with God's help you will begin to beat self harm. I am always here for you hun, pm, email, whatever any time ok.

You are in my prayers
x

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks guys, my mum kinda knows, she saw a cut on my hand the other day where I had caught myself, and started shouting and screaming at me in the shop we were in, it was soo humiliating, especially as she wouldn't even listen to how it happened! I don't wanna know what she'd do if she saw my arm, she keeps telling me that I'm gonnna over heat and get ill wearing jumpers all the time! oh well, it's not THAT hot! a couple of people at church know, and one person who doesn't know about this, kinda knows some of the reasons I feel this way!
hmm... oh well, just have to keep trying i guess, sorry for the hopelessness of that last post, I get like that sometimes, well, quite often really!
God bless

 

[TheMainException]

Yo....you need to listen to me....I'm not trying to sound harsh, but you gotta listen...you have to get help N O W. Do not wait another day to tell someone and get help, I don't know what kind of situations you are in.....but you obviously want some help, else you wouldn't be posting on here....trust me...I know these things...the unconcious works strangely well to show our true intentions even if we scream that it isn't true....you need to stop it all, the bad eating habits, the smoking, the cutting....but in order to do that, you need to stop the panic attacks, anxiety, and depression that bring it on...and to stop that, you may need drugs (prescription ones please! PRESCRIBED FOR YOU BY A REAL DOCTOR), you may need counseling...you may need to do things you don't want to do....but dea, know this...I love you, and know this....I've been there....I've been through the cutting, the eating probs, drugs, heck yeah....still working on that one...got my stash and I'm dealing with somehow making myself get rid of it (other than smoking it of course)....it's hard...I know....but please....start journaling, writing, praying, reading...get constructive....and stop bashing yourself all the time....you aren't that bad....watch how you think about yourself and your life.....I don't care how bad it is....even in the worst moments....Paul sang to God.....you can too...just keep looking up......I love you....very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much....my love comes from above, and only ever there....PM me if you want to rant and rave....I'll take it all....come to me and I will do whatever I can in the Father's good grace.

 

[luv4godremains]

I did go to get help, but I'm now on a waiting list, there are a lot of people on this list, my mum has a firend who's son was attacked and has been waiting for over a year, I have been waiting about 2 months, and have about another 4 to go, I'm trying to deal with it step by step till then.
I finally got some sleep so feel a bit better, it was only cos I took the day off school to be able to rest without, well, yer, not gonna go into that one!
but thanks