If anyone wants to quietly run through their thoughts about their church, here's a link to a free online workbook with leading questions that you can print out.
http://www.josiahnews.com/faith/topics.htm
I have watched several great churches slip into cultish mentalities. It's rarely an obvious transition. You just start seeing abuses of one member after another; control issues; insults and intimidation (as some of your sad stories pointed out); favoritism and pastor groupies; jealousies of other ministries translated into high pride in theirs; teachings based on other teachings instead of directly from the Word.
All of these thing can happen in every wholesome church. The key--is anyone is repentant about it? Are the checks and balances systems working to keep leaders accountable?
One easy question: is your minister building up the individual gifts of all members, to empower them for service?
I find that's often the first to go.