Just Feel At Times, I Wish I Was Dead. My Family Hates Me But Pretends To Like Me. One Family Member Showed Their True Colors Towards Me, Having A Go At Me For A Situation I Have Walked Away From And Don't Wan To Ever Be Apart Of Again Because Being In It Just Gets Me Used And Abused And Treated Like Dirt. ..
Sounds like you're finding out that there is a difference between relatives and family. And you are suffering the assaults of a relative.
I've learned a bit about that difference myself , when things got very bad here long years ago, and their true colors shown through.
You have my deepest sympathies.
I think the person who's being this disrespectful to you, especially when they bring your attitude and church into it, as if they're doing this because you're not comporting with how they think you should behave in your religious life, is showing you what they believe is righteous and proper in interpreting the spirit of their own religion, that it makes them behave this way toward a family member.
If what you say about that person who does all sorts of things to the point that it's criminal and they should be in jail, but keep getting away with it, maybe you can save yourself by getting evidence of their wrong doing.
And then call the police. If they fail to respond, call the local District Attorney and tell them the name(s) of those police officers who refused to act, (Always get the name of that District Attorney and any police that respond to a call and a copy of the police report they took. Even if it's not available right then, get a call or report number while they're there taking your report), and tell the DA that you have evidence against this person and feel that your life may be at risk.
If they don't do anything, go higher. Attorney General of your State.
The Bible says there is a penalty for evil. Don't wait until this person is dead so they can find out what that is. It's all a matter of faith as to what awaits them there in the name of justice. The best way to teach them the error of their ways when they can absorb the lesson, is to prosecute them in this life. Thereby saving yourself, others who would encounter them, and maybe even them, because they may not realize just how bad they are until someone brings it to their attention that it's so bad that it is worthy of prosecution.
Otherwise, have a sit down with those who are hurting you in this way. Tell them what you've told us. Spell it out and don't hold back. If you can keep it in and let it eat you up to the point you want to die to escape it, you can let it out and free yourself in at least letting them know you're paying attention to their abuse and how they've succeeded in the execution of it so much so as you're to the point you wish you were dead, so you could be free of it.
Last resort, move! Not just away somewhere a few miles off, but States away!
You must honor yourself and your own emotional and mental health having the right to live at peace and loved. Not in terror and hated.
And then have nothing to do with them. No forwarding address,phone number, etc... Nothing. Let them cease to exist in your attentions. They didn't appreciate you when you were close, so don't let them have a way to contact you and continue on in their dysfunctional behavior, now that you've moved to save yourself.
There's such a thing as "estranged relatives" "estranged family".
There's a reason for that.
Family is a precious gift and a privilege to enjoy in the spirit of love, compassion , unity and blood relations, that make a bond that is unbreakable and eternal as each within it face life together, and apart, knowing they always have one another in that bond of blood relation that is inescapable and unites hearts and soul.
Those who forget that, dismiss that, disrespect a member of that family and treat them poorly, so poorly that they want to die because of it, do not know what family is. They're simply a relative there by the bloodline that makes it possible. While everything else that connects one to the other is lost to and within that person.
You DO NOT have to suffer the evil someone does to you.
Some people, and I've known such people, literally thrive, feed, off of being mean to someone. They feel joy at knowing they've caused pain, and they relish it even more when they can see the affect it has on their target.
There's something missing in their soul.
Mental health professionals have found that people can literally be born without a conscience. It's a brain disorder that causes that conscience center to have atrophied or to have gone missing in their cellular development in the womb.
It's the condition that serial killers suffer. No conscience. No remorse, no empathy.
You have every right not to have to suffer in your life. Especially when the terrorism is being proffered by someone in your family.
Don't kill yourself. If you do, they'll win. Because they're already trying to destroy your spirit and sense of self, killing your sense of peace and happiness and that feeling you should have in a balanced and stable family dynamic.
If you kill yourself, this twisted vile sadist that enjoys hurting you now, will simply blame you for your actions and feel satisfied they were right about your being on a dark path, etc... Whatever it is they hold against you now for their own reasons, and it was that which caused you to end it all.
They'll never accept they were part of the cause. After all, if they were decent, they wouldn't be responsible for acting in such a way as to make you feel this suffering that is crippling your spirit and sense of self, now.
See, people like that need the target of their evil in order to feel empowered and right, in doing what they do.
Take that away,ignore them completely! And I mean completely. As in, if you go to a family function and they're there, say nothing. Because you don't have to say anything. Ignore them. Pretend as if they have disappeared and are not part of your life.
I've seen this done and I'll say you could be amazed at how affective it is in sending them a sorely needed message, that no one has to take what they dish out.
Right now you're meekly taking what this person does to you. Don't give them an opening, don't acknowledge they exist next time you are around them, and you won't give them the satisfaction of letting them see yet again you dread what they're about to do...again.
Barring all that advice, you could just take it until you've had enough and then beat them into a coma. So that if they wake up they may get the hint that you reached your breaking point.
Of course that tends to get one arrested. And then there's those court dates and possible jail time, which would satisfy them that you are now in a cage because they made you snap.
Ahhh, decisions, decisions.
Ahole relatives! Can't live with 'em, can't duck tape them to the ceiling fan and turn it on high!
That's just sooooo wronnnnnng!
Mainly because the neighbors tend to be bothered by their screams. But one thing for sure, while up there they can never say they were hot!
(
cough) Ahem, um, er, uhhhh , so I've heard. (
pulls collar, looks around)
May the light of Christ surround and protect you. May the power of God strengthen your heart and lead you to better days. Amen.
