wisdom needed

[lovebug3]

I have been married 10 years. During those 10 years, there have been a lot of issues with many different things. We have 2 kids together. Weve split up several times, both moving on in different relationships. The last time we split (before i came to christ) i was with a man who treated me and my kids like gold. We started going to church, praying with my kids and i started feeling horrible about being in a marraige like relationship while i was still married. I started doing the paperwork for a divorce. With every paper i signed, i felt more and more guilty. I turned to christ, asked for forgivness, broke it off with the other man, moved back home and began restoring my marraige. Weve had ups and downs still. It hasnt even been a full year. My husband cares for me if i get stressed or sick or if im upset. There are many things, as a husband, that he doesnt do that needs to be done and though weve had conversations about them, he doesnt change. Telling the kids good night, i love you daily, helping around the house like fixing broken things, letting me know that im special, things i consider improtant. I ask God to help me forget about the other man and Lord knows i would never cheat again, but i feel so guilty thinking about him, i feel guilty missing the way he made me feel and how he was with my kids, like discipling in a loving manner. I dont want to compare because i know its wrong and ive left that part of my life to work on my marraige, i just feel like nothing, i feel disrespected, i feel like a maid and nothing more. My husband doesnt make me feel like a wife, i feel like a nagging mother, like hes another child. He lies about small things that makes no sense to me, hes ugly when he disciplens the kids, if he does. I feel like i never smile when hes around... i want to make my marraige work, i dont want to go against God and get a divorce, i just feel like everything is always left to me. I pray about it but i feel like the more i pray the worse i feel about my marraige. Im hoping someone has some words of wisdom in what God would say. Thank you in advance

 

[miamited]

Hi lovebug,

Is it possible that you are expecting more than you should from your husband? You know, television and movies show us pictures of married couples that are just always doing things together and enjoying life together and he's 'good as gold' as you say, and she's 'God's gift to men', etc, etc,.

But I don't think marriage is like that. Look at Abraham and Sarah. Look to Joseph and Mary. Look to Hannah and Elkanah. Yes, there should be times of joy and happiness and satisfaction in marriage, but it isn't the all time expectation. Do you think that Elkanah didn't feel frustrated that Hannah kept weeping and pondering about not having a child? Joseph was ready to write out a decree of divorce against Mary until an angel interceded. Sarah thought her husband an old fool to think that she was going to have a child in her old age. Marriage is a commitment. A commitment that for the believer is made between a husband and a wife and God. For the world, it's just a commitment made between two people and is considered to be as easily broken as any other promise that one might make. Paul instructs us that if we were married when we came to know Jesus, then, as far as the new believer is concerned, they should do whatever they can to remain married. If the unbeliever wants to leave, then we are apparently under no obligation to try and convince them that they are sinning in breaking their vow. After all, for the unbeliever it's just another sin of the many that they will be accountable for on the day of God's judgment.

So, I think the first truth that you need to accept about marriage is that it is, Scripturally speaking, a lifelong commitment for the one who trusts and believes in God. In answer to your final question, I think that God would tell you that you should do all that is within your power to sustain your marriage.

God bless you,
In Christ, ted

 

[ChristopherK]

I would highly suggest counseling. A third party would help both of you in understanding each other and what's missing.

 

[CBN]

lovebug3,
When in emotional mess, its hard to see clearly what's going on. Been there and done that, so totally understand what you are going through!

But that..exactly that.. giving in to feelings is your enemy. You MUST take control of your emotions... & the most practical way to do that is watch a bunch of comedy movies... go out with friends.. and E N J O Y !

I know it feels hard at first to do that... but i did that.. i followed on that advice a few years ago when I was in that situation and it helped me... of course, once you have taken control of your feelings then you need to formulate strategy to work on yourself first... yes yourself.. just yourself. Get the self esteem back... and its not that HARD... you always had it... you just
need to remind yourself on that!
It took me a while.. I was lucky that I received timely advice from a wise old man... i had him through out my journey of crazy 6 months! But its worth it!

Wish you luck... God Bless
CB