I registered a long time ago and when recently I received a birthday message from Christian forum and I come back here.
I am undergoing a dark age of my life, and I don't see the end.
I've graduated with a bachelor degree for 8 years but I have never engaged in the field of my profession. In fact, I got the lowest score in the class and I barely learnt anything. And now 8 years after going into society. I have only worked for 2 years in total. For the rest of the time, I am unemployed and stay home. I have been unemployed for almost three years now since my last job.
I could make friends very easily, but I could also break up with anyone very easily and quickly. I am honest and loyal to my friend, I treat them, and I only get cheated from them. They lent my money and got away with it. They did a lot of ridiculous things to me.
For the past three years, I haven't found a job, not even sent out an application letter,NO, not even one. I don't know how to explain to the job interviewers why I haven't worked for so long. But, on top of that, I lack all the confidence in front of people.
In 2012, I started to do some online business in China, everything was one-man-bank and home-basis. I dealt with a lot of Chinese people and I could make some money, but just enough for some bread and drinks, I live with my parent and I am single, I don't have bills to pay and I don't have wife to pay for.
When my 'business' had become a little bit more successful and had started to make some more significant money, I was taken over by China's policy. I didn't do anything illegal, it was simply a non-sense decision. I talked to them, but no way, no reason, NO NO NO. They are simply being ridiculous and ignorant of every discussion. During the time, I had dealt with a lot of Chinese people, and they said, Yes, ''they'' don't need to have any reasons to take over you, rules and law are useless in China, what you need is to learn through the experiences , ''feel'' how they work, and ''work'' with them.
After getting through some difficult time, I returned to the starting point, I continued selling something to Chinese, it was barely a 'business', it was only for a small living. I've developed some circles and some trusted partners. Some of them became my good friends.
But not soon after, and now, I am in the situation that some of those ''trusted'' partners and even ''friends'' went away with my goods, they don't pay. I keep calling some of my ''trusted'' partners and ''friends'' about my money, they even think I am ridiculous to ask for my money.
I know this is the Chinese way, they like to delay things, they like to ignore small amount of money, they like to be very ''slow'' when you want to be ''fast''. They like to ask TOO MANY TOO MANY QUESTIONS before they spend their one buck.
I can't control my anger, I can't control my emotion, I can't deal with this kind of ridiculous people, and you know this is NOT uncommon in China when you have some experience there. I am not doing big business, I don't even have an office or registration. I am only doing a home-scale ebay-like business. I don't even have USD 1000 in my bank accounts and purse, I put my trust to people, to my friend, but please don't misunderstand that I am a stupid nut who will send money to someone I don't know through the web, I never. I know my emotion has controlled me, my anger has dominated me. I know some people are ridiculous, but I also know that I had made some mistakes in the method of dealing with people.
Today, I am under extreme depression, feeling the end of the world, I feel I am betrayed by the world, I feel I am ignored by the world. I felt so stressful about my life and everything, today, for the first time, I went to gamble, I wanted to gain happiness from gambling, I wanted to gain success from gambling, but I finally lost a lot of money.
Deep in my heart, after many years of bad life, I think I am, 30-year-old, though, I am still like a kid. I've made a lot of mistakes, I've been cheated for many many times. I hate myself, I hate that I am putting myself into lots of traps and difficult situation that it should not be. I hate myself that I am being too ''naive' to the people, I put my trust to my friend, I am honest to them but they are just devil to me... I now start to realize that when I am having happy time with my friend, when I am having happy small talk with them, when we are laughing, when I am innocently laughing, the one next to me is in fact planning, watching and thinking that it is not funny.
I am undergoing a dark age of my life, and I don't see the end.
I've graduated with a bachelor degree for 8 years but I have never engaged in the field of my profession. In fact, I got the lowest score in the class and I barely learnt anything. And now 8 years after going into society. I have only worked for 2 years in total. For the rest of the time, I am unemployed and stay home. I have been unemployed for almost three years now since my last job.
I could make friends very easily, but I could also break up with anyone very easily and quickly. I am honest and loyal to my friend, I treat them, and I only get cheated from them. They lent my money and got away with it. They did a lot of ridiculous things to me.
For the past three years, I haven't found a job, not even sent out an application letter,NO, not even one. I don't know how to explain to the job interviewers why I haven't worked for so long. But, on top of that, I lack all the confidence in front of people.
In 2012, I started to do some online business in China, everything was one-man-bank and home-basis. I dealt with a lot of Chinese people and I could make some money, but just enough for some bread and drinks, I live with my parent and I am single, I don't have bills to pay and I don't have wife to pay for.
When my 'business' had become a little bit more successful and had started to make some more significant money, I was taken over by China's policy. I didn't do anything illegal, it was simply a non-sense decision. I talked to them, but no way, no reason, NO NO NO. They are simply being ridiculous and ignorant of every discussion. During the time, I had dealt with a lot of Chinese people, and they said, Yes, ''they'' don't need to have any reasons to take over you, rules and law are useless in China, what you need is to learn through the experiences , ''feel'' how they work, and ''work'' with them.
After getting through some difficult time, I returned to the starting point, I continued selling something to Chinese, it was barely a 'business', it was only for a small living. I've developed some circles and some trusted partners. Some of them became my good friends.
But not soon after, and now, I am in the situation that some of those ''trusted'' partners and even ''friends'' went away with my goods, they don't pay. I keep calling some of my ''trusted'' partners and ''friends'' about my money, they even think I am ridiculous to ask for my money.
I know this is the Chinese way, they like to delay things, they like to ignore small amount of money, they like to be very ''slow'' when you want to be ''fast''. They like to ask TOO MANY TOO MANY QUESTIONS before they spend their one buck.
I can't control my anger, I can't control my emotion, I can't deal with this kind of ridiculous people, and you know this is NOT uncommon in China when you have some experience there. I am not doing big business, I don't even have an office or registration. I am only doing a home-scale ebay-like business. I don't even have USD 1000 in my bank accounts and purse, I put my trust to people, to my friend, but please don't misunderstand that I am a stupid nut who will send money to someone I don't know through the web, I never. I know my emotion has controlled me, my anger has dominated me. I know some people are ridiculous, but I also know that I had made some mistakes in the method of dealing with people.
Today, I am under extreme depression, feeling the end of the world, I feel I am betrayed by the world, I feel I am ignored by the world. I felt so stressful about my life and everything, today, for the first time, I went to gamble, I wanted to gain happiness from gambling, I wanted to gain success from gambling, but I finally lost a lot of money.
Deep in my heart, after many years of bad life, I think I am, 30-year-old, though, I am still like a kid. I've made a lot of mistakes, I've been cheated for many many times. I hate myself, I hate that I am putting myself into lots of traps and difficult situation that it should not be. I hate myself that I am being too ''naive' to the people, I put my trust to my friend, I am honest to them but they are just devil to me... I now start to realize that when I am having happy time with my friend, when I am having happy small talk with them, when we are laughing, when I am innocently laughing, the one next to me is in fact planning, watching and thinking that it is not funny.
