Will I ever get it? Will it ever end?

[thenewageriseth]

I'm just starting to wonder, is the drama ever going to end, unless I do something about it?

I say this cuz, I guess I claim I don't have time to pray or meditate cuz I have a busy schedule, but that sounds like a cop-out, I'm sure.

Lately I have been feeling like crap. (I think that it has something to do with my lack of sleep, as well).
But lately I feel like I don't get enough attention for my endeavors. I mean I'm an artist and writer, for crying out loud. What does it take to get more attention for my works? Kissing-up? Miles of smiles? What?

I can't guaranteed that it will be miles of smiles, everyday. My life seems.... And kissing up is degrading. O_O

My one example is this teacher in 1st period on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He gives most of the other students attention (except for this quiet guy...who is always quiet)
He did that last time. Like he doesn't have any interest in me, but talks to the others. What is it? My general attitude? That's annoying as [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]. What if I'm having a bad day...would he care? Guess not.

So am I whining too much for attention?

And then there's all these people around me saying they love Jesus and God and they give him praise.
Granted there are things I am thankful for. I'm living and breathing. I have a family.

But why are my sisters autistic? Why?

And why do others get more attention than me? Am I a repulsive person?

There's this guy who gets more attention on his Myspace and Xanga more so than I. And I'm just as passionate and nice as this guy is. Another twist is that He's Christian and I don't know if he has my best interest at heart, cuz the last time I tried to IM him, he barely held a conversation. This may seem trivial to some of you, but I'm an emotional/sensitive person and when someone just talks to me like...they're not interested...that hurts. I dunno, then again I guess I could be imagining things.


So sometimes it comes to the conclusion that what's the use of even striving to be an artist when I get little attention, sometimes? I could just make modeling my MAIN goal.

And it also comes to the conclusion of why am I even here? I could be "kicking it" in between realms of this world and the next.

 

[el8403]

try not to think about the attention you want for yourself but give more and more attention to God so that he may bless you with peace of mind. Wait in the Lord becuase he does have a great plan for you.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

Make time for God. Praying isn't a burden, it's an opportunity to talk to your creator. You can talk to Him when you're doing other things than praying too, just converse with Him silently in your mind. This helps you to keep your focus on Him and makes Him part of your life.

You seem to analyze everything, and you also seem to put too much "blame" on yourself in situations. By this I mean that you assume it's always you that's doing something wrong or that it's you that's the cause for something. The guy you talked to on IM might've been busy, tired or maybe he's not good at talking to people he doesn't know well. There's a billion different possible reasons, don't go assuming it's you without proper cause. The same applies for your class, who knows why your teacher's attention is divided as it is. You can't really know for sure unless you ask, and even then it might remain unclear. Whatever the reason for his behavior is, you are entitled to feedback from your teacher, so don't hesitate to ask him to look at your works and comment. That's not kissing up, feedback is what he's there for.

You don't appear to be a repulsive person at all, just go easy on things. Don't expect perfection from other people, and don't assume it's your fault every time someone doesn't act as you think they should.

 

[thenewageriseth]

Make time for God. Praying isn't a burden, it's an opportunity to talk to your creator. You can talk to Him when you're doing other things than praying too, just converse with Him silently in your mind. This helps you to keep your focus on Him and makes Him part of your life.

I can try

You seem to analyze everything, and you also seem to put too much "blame" on yourself in situations. By this I mean that you assume it's always you that's doing something wrong or that it's you that's the cause for something.

I'm going to have to stop attracting odd and stupid, indifferent, and/or fake-type people. LOL no offense.

The guy you talked to on IM might've been busy, tired or maybe he's not good at talking to people he doesn't know well. There's a billion different possible reasons, don't go assuming it's you without proper cause.

Well I like to feel appreciated...I thought of those reasons too, but it doesn't matter. I need to nip these feelings in the bud. Grudges are not good. They may be misunderstandings, however my mother told me to never kiss anyone's rear lol. *smiles smugly*

The same applies for your class, who knows why your teacher's attention is divided as it is. You can't really know for sure unless you ask, and even then it might remain unclear. Whatever the reason for his behavior is, you are entitled to feedback from your teacher, so don't hesitate to ask him to look at your works and comment. That's not kissing up, feedback is what he's there for.

Okay

You don't appear to be a repulsive person at all, just go easy on things. Don't expect perfection from other people, and don't assume it's your fault every time someone doesn't act as you think they should.

I know. It's the person. I always kinda thought it was the person. The reason why I said I might be turning people away is because of possible negative energy, that of a "psychic vampire" or a person with low confidence. I thought I might be giving off bad energy. Have you heard people talk about those-or in ur internet travels, by any chance? O_O

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I can try



I'm going to have to stop attracting odd and stupid, indifferent, and/or fake-type people. LOL no offense.



Well I like to feel appreciated...I thought of those reasons too, but it doesn't matter. I need to nip these feelings in the bud. Grudges are not good. They may be misunderstandings, however my mother told me to never kiss anyone's rear lol. *smiles smugly*


Okay



I know. It's the person. I always kinda thought it was the person. The reason why I said I might be turning people away is because of possible negative energy, that of a "psychic vampire" or a person with low confidence. I thought I might be giving off bad energy. Have you heard people talk about those-or in ur internet travels, by any chance? O_O

I haven't heard anyone talk about it, but I could imagine it would be hard for a friend if you're constantly analyzing their moves. They would have to constantly be on their toes or you might get upset. That could be quite energy consuming I suppose, but it would take more than one IM conversation for it to be an issue, I think.

I agree with your mother, kissing up or being "fake" never does any good. That, of course, doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get rid of our negative traits. Just remember that no one is perfect, and sometimes it's their negative trait that gets in the way.

 

[HeavenzAngel]

You won't be fully happy til you see its not all about you. Don't worry about if you're getting attention or not, try to help others and be a good friend to people who need you, not everyone is going to like you or want to give you attention, the world isn't about you. Please, don't take my words harsh, I'm only trying to help, I see you wanting attention as kinda of a selfish desire, I know you personally and you're a very sweet girl, but you seem to think its all about you, it is not.The drama won't end til you start thinking of others first. do know I love you as a friend.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

This life is not about the glory that we can get for ourselves, but the glory that we can give to God. You need to make time to spend with the Lord and I guarantee the majority of the things you are struggling with will become so much easier to bear. God wants you to seek Him, the only one who can really fulfill us, if you do that you will find that any praise you receive from man is worthless. And remember God does not ever give us more then you can handle, you need to seek Him, and I can assure you He will bring you peace and contentment with your life.

 

[rocklife]

Being an artist and a writer, there is a lot of competition, and a lot of work to continually be current and competitive. especially if you want to be noticed by, say, the public and/or professionally. and there's a lot of critics.

I'm sorry to hear your troubles, I hope things get better for you. I'm glad to hear you are trying to stay away from indifferent/fake people, they are everywhere though. God bless you

 

[""]

My mom used to say that some people look for drama. I used to think that was a crazy thing to say. Now, as an adult, I see that it's actually true, though it's more of a subconscious thing.

As adults, we look for situations, and people, who will provide for us a familiar environment. That environment is often the same kind that we grew up in.

So if you're prone to drama, sometimes it helps to take a look back at your life as a child, and think about what it is that makes you feel safe... comfortable... secure. Talking to a counselor always helps too. There is no shame in receiving counseling. I went to counseling after my husband passed. It helped me so much.

Just some things to consider.

May the Lord bless you.

 

[EverydayPatron]

I'm just starting to wonder, is the drama ever going to end, unless I do something about it?

I say this cuz, I guess I claim I don't have time to pray or meditate cuz I have a busy schedule, but that sounds like a cop-out, I'm sure.

Lately I have been feeling like crap. (I think that it has something to do with my lack of sleep, as well).
But lately I feel like I don't get enough attention for my endeavors. I mean I'm an artist and writer, for crying out loud. What does it take to get more attention for my works? Kissing-up? Miles of smiles? What?

I can't guaranteed that it will be miles of smiles, everyday. My life seems.... And kissing up is degrading. O_O

My one example is this teacher in 1st period on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He gives most of the other students attention (except for this quiet guy...who is always quiet)
He did that last time. Like he doesn't have any interest in me, but talks to the others. What is it? My general attitude? That's annoying as [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]. What if I'm having a bad day...would he care? Guess not.

So am I whining too much for attention?

And then there's all these people around me saying they love Jesus and God and they give him praise.
Granted there are things I am thankful for. I'm living and breathing. I have a family.

But why are my sisters autistic? Why?

And why do others get more attention than me? Am I a repulsive person?

There's this guy who gets more attention on his Myspace and Xanga more so than I. And I'm just as passionate and nice as this guy is. Another twist is that He's Christian and I don't know if he has my best interest at heart, cuz the last time I tried to IM him, he barely held a conversation. This may seem trivial to some of you, but I'm an emotional/sensitive person and when someone just talks to me like...they're not interested...that hurts. I dunno, then again I guess I could be imagining things.


So sometimes it comes to the conclusion that what's the use of even striving to be an artist when I get little attention, sometimes? I could just make modeling my MAIN goal.

And it also comes to the conclusion of why am I even here? I could be "kicking it" in between realms of this world and the next.

I know exactly how you're feeling. You're a busy person dealing with so much crap [does that require washing of mouth, still a bit new] in her life who doesn't know where to turn. Getting a good night's sleep definitely helps, despite how pathetic it sounds. On average, I don't much sleep either, and I've seen the effects. Trust me when I say do your best to get your eight hours.

The kind of occupation you're involved in isn't one that will always make you famous, unless you have amazing luck. But for the rest of us "normal" ones [in the luck sense], we have to work for the attention. Most of the time, friends and family are willing to take time out to look at your work and make some critiques. I do a little writing and drawing myself, so I would be happy to look at some of your works and offer you my opinion.

Anyways, degrading yourself isn't the way to go. I do the whole myspace/xanga thing, and I know the sensitivity factor that kills you inside when you see someone getting 40-50 comments a day while you make it by with about 1 [2 on a good day] and that's usually a simple "what's up?" Best thing to do in that sort of situation is just to scroll down your friends list and drop some comments. Let others know that you still exist in their lives and are interested in what's happening. Guys aren't the best at holding up conversations, especially when they have a bunch to deal with. Just try your best not to take it so personally. Or perhaps find some topic both of you are passionate about and willing to talk in depth about.

Being an artist is a reward in and of itself. You're given the gift of expression through brushes and pencils. Best of all, you actually enjoy what you're doing. Forget fame and glory. Those aren't even your's to have. In fact, all glory and honor belongs to the single God.

So why are you here? The question of existence stumps everyone at one point of their lives. I'll tell you how I dealt with it. I don't know where you stand with God, but I've given Him my life so I'm using it to do whatever He wants. After all, He saved us, so why not live for HIm? It's a difficult question, and the answer is different for everyone. Not necessarily about who to live for, but just how you go about it all.

Hoping for best~

 

[thenewageriseth]

I know exactly how you're feeling. You're a busy person dealing with so much crap [does that require washing of mouth, still a bit new] in her life who doesn't know where to turn. Getting a good night's sleep definitely helps, despite how pathetic it sounds. On average, I don't much sleep either, and I've seen the effects. Trust me when I say do your best to get your eight hours.

Word up. lol

The kind of occupation you're involved in isn't one that will always make you famous, unless you have amazing luck. But for the rest of us "normal" ones [in the luck sense], we have to work for the attention. Most of the time, friends and family are willing to take time out to look at your work and make some critiques. I do a little writing and drawing myself, so I would be happy to look at some of your works and offer you my opinion.

Cool! You can PM me some pics and I can Pm u some!

Anyways, degrading yourself isn't the way to go. I do the whole myspace/xanga thing, and I know the sensitivity factor that kills you inside when you see someone getting 40-50 comments a day while you make it by with about 1 [2 on a good day] and that's usually a simple "what's up?" Best thing to do in that sort of situation is just to scroll down your friends list and drop some comments. Let others know that you still exist in their lives and are interested in what's happening. Guys aren't the best at holding up conversations, especially when they have a bunch to deal with. Just try your best not to take it so personally. Or perhaps find some topic both of you are passionate about and willing to talk in depth about.

I do try to leave comments every so often on other pages, but about this guy, I wound easily and I don't think I'm that cool with him anymore(at the moment). I did leave a few comments recently but I don't think he appreciates my friendship enough and I'm not going to try to make things better by leaving comments, praying, meditating or IMing him or whatever. Let nature take its course. I'll wait for him to contact ME.

Being an artist is a reward in and of itself. You're given the gift of expression through brushes and pencils. Best of all, you actually enjoy what you're doing. Forget fame and glory. Those aren't even your's to have. In fact, all glory and honor belongs to the single God.

Being an artist is cool. It is kinda fun in and of itself. But...wouldn't it be cool to be remembered after u are gone and ur work is not in vain? We are not immortal beings, for realz.

So why are you here? The question of existence stumps everyone at one point of their lives. I'll tell you how I dealt with it. I don't know where you stand with God, but I've given Him my life so I'm using it to do whatever He wants. After all, He saved us, so why not live for HIm? It's a difficult question, and the answer is different for everyone. Not necessarily about who to live for, but just how you go about it all.

I can't really live for Him for certain reasons (personal as well) but I can do my best, help people, be compassionate, etc. For now at least. Let's see what happens in the future.

Hoping for best~[/quote]

Thanks

 

[EverydayPatron]

Cool! You can PM me some pics and I can Pm u some!

Sure, I'll send you a some of my work. Just a little bit later. Some of my previous work wasn't particularly top knotch.

I do try to leave comments every so often on other pages, but about this guy, I wound easily and I don't think I'm that cool with him anymore(at the moment). I did leave a few comments recently but I don't think he appreciates my friendship enough and I'm not going to try to make things better by leaving comments, praying, meditating or IMing him or whatever. Let nature take its course. I'll wait for him to contact ME.

Funny thing about guys is that I think 80% of all guys WANT women to make the first move, whether it's just talking or hanging out or anything.

Being an artist is cool. It is kinda fun in and of itself. But...wouldn't it be cool to be remembered after u are gone and ur work is not in vain? We are not immortal beings, for realz.

True, but as an artist, I don't think that our number one goal should be fame or simply to be remembered. That could be so much more easily accomplished with other occupations. It's not like it's all in vain. After all, if expression is your goal, then you've achieved at least that. Immortality isn't something that was every really appealing to me. But then again, neither is fame.

I can't really live for Him for certain reasons (personal as well) but I can do my best, help people, be compassionate, etc. For now at least. Let's see what happens in the future.

Personal reasons are something you'll have to settle yourself, not too much I can do. But facing the future with an attitude like that, I'm thinking your on a good track.

Thanks

Anytime.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I find it rather odd that both of you have the christian symbol, but don't believe in immortality? Of course, if you're refering to life as it is at the moment , I suppose you're right.

 

[Vipros]

But why are my sisters autistic? Why?

Sometimes you've gotta look at the situation as the "big picture". You ask why you're sisters are autistic. I ask...why not? I don't mean that in a bad way, but think about this:

What would your life be like if they WEREN'T autistic? Would you still be the same person? We know they wouldn't be the same people. I truly believe that God allows for things like this because his plan is huge and things like this draw you closer together. If they were "normal" (by society's standards) maybe you wouldn't be a christian? Maybe you wouldn't be as close to them? If they were "normal", maybe they would be on a path that would drag them down.

Look at it like that. It's quite possible that God might be protecting you and drawing you closer to him through your sisters. The bible does say "All things work together for good to those that serve him and are the called according to his purpose". It's like making bread. Would you eat flour by itself? Butter? Yeast? No that's disgusting. But when you put them together (along with the other ingredients of the bread), you get a delcious roll. Same with life. The bad things by themselves seem soooo bad, but mix it together with God's plan and it makes something truly great out of your life.

Be thankful that God has given you your beautiful sisters. And be thankful that God has cared enough about you to put the "catalyst" (autism) there to draw you closer to each other, and possible rescue from a life that could've lead you astray from him.

And why do others get more attention than me? Am I a repulsive person?

Nobody is repulsive, even they think they are. I'm sure you are a great person, and while I admit that society may put a lot of stock on "being cool" or "looking good", there ARE people out there who will like you for you.

But the key is that you've got to put yourself out there. An old saying goes that he who wants to have friends should show himself friendly. Instead of waiting for people to pay attention to you, try paying attention to them. People love flattery and people love it when you ask them questions about themselves.

 

[If Not For Grace]

So am I whining too much for attention?

It's good you recognize it. Don't be so hard on yourself, everyone wants to be noticed, liked, and respected. To be made to feel they matter, etc.

But you must refocus that's all. Concentrate on what is right in your life. Realize even though there may be people who are better off than you, you are better off than many (visited a nursing home, jail or children's ward in a hospital, lately).

Start your day realizing you are blessed an highly favoured. Other answers will come once you realize who you are and that God has a purpose for you. Once you mature a little He will begin to manifest and reveal this to you. Say it now--I am the head not the tail, My God is a big God and He does what He says He will do.
Again==I am blessed and highly favored--there now, and remember dyanm and others are praying for me, It will get better, this too shall pass.

 

[thenewageriseth]

I find it rather odd that both of you have the christian symbol, but don't believe in immortality? Of course, if you're refering to life as it is at the moment , I suppose you're right.

I meant our bodies not being immortal.