Will I ever be normal again?

[fragmentsofbeauty]

I know that the scars from my abuse can testify to God's goodness and power in saving me but sometimes I still wonder, when will I enjoy the normal things in life again like laughing with your friends without feeling like you don't belong? or licking an icecream cone without wondering why it's tasteless sometimes? or smiling without feeling like a fake? how can you go back when the innoccence is gone forever?
Though I find rest in my Father's arms, some things don't seem to go away, I wake up to a noise screaming, I can't let myself trust in people, especially men, and still at nights the tears sometimes come and my broken heart can't seem to let go of the darkness, its what I know, how can I go on into yet another unknown with no one to hold my hand? I am afraid, afraid of moving on, more afraid of staying in the shadows, and even more afraid that I don't have a choice.
I must run to Jesus and remember He never let go of my hand, I don't have to be afraid. But still the question mark is there.

 

[rayann]

Hi, I feel the pain that you are going through, and so does Jesus. I am new to the forum and going through a very painful time in my life. The moments that go by sometimes feel so lonely but I hold on to the memory of when Jesus once told me that even during the hard times when i felt alone he was really there every step of the way carrying me through it all and those were the only footprints left in the sand. You might not see them but they are there... We just need to keep faith and look to Jesus...

 

[erenthia]

You are normal. How can I say that? Ask yourself this: Would any normal person who's been through what you've been through be any different? In some cases yes: they would be dead. Otherwize probably not. Not everyone has the strength God gives to endure. You have it.

As for the rest, well that comes a little bit at a time. I was abused by my mother and have a terrible time trusting women (even though I am married and have an 8 month old daughter). But I am making slow progress. It helps that my wife is *nothing* like my mother. Anyway you will be in my prayers.

In Christ

Mike

 

[marli]

Mike is right -- but you are really asking, "Will I ever feel normal again?" The answer is yes -- I remember once wondering the same, and by God's grace I have been able to have a purer happiness than I have ever had before, despite the fact that I am less innocent, as you put it. Part of it comes from my knowledge that God was with me in my most difficult times, and that he has worked a miracle in me.

There was a Psalm that I copied onto a whiteboard in my bedroom during that time, so that I could look up and remind myself -- it is still there.

Psalm 34:17-18 "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit."


Love in Christ,
Marli

 

[marli]

Also, I recommend that you change your username. No one can be forever broken -- when we heal, we are stronger at the broken places.

 

[fragmentsofbeauty]

wow thanks so much you guys, it really makes a big difference to know I'm not alone and someone understands. I guess I never thought about the fact that it IS normal to respond the way that I did, that lifts the weight a bit, don't feel quite so crazy And I don't think that I could of ever heard something so comforting as being told that we are stronger in the places we've been broken and won't stay broken forever. I'll always remember that. And I'm thinking of a new name too

Always,
Christina

 

[UnitynLove]

You are a new creature in Christ all old things are past away. Don't live in fear God has something sooooo much better for you!

 

[Taylor43]

Yes you can become normal. Me i find it hard at times to understand. I myself have to ask Jesus to help me get through the day. The hurt you endured the memories may or not be with you always. For me it comes and goes but God is such a loving Father he is the only one i have found to help me live. I do have a good counsellor, am on meds((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) God will not give up on you no matter what he is there wanting to hug you and help you feel you are important. You can be normal by knowing God knows your imperfections and he will not harm you but be understanding. It aches when Family or other men/women put us down. God weeps. All i can say is just if you feel safe pour your heart to God and go to safe people that you feel safeYes your normal like all of us just wounded needing love and support like many, Just keep posting to this site God loves you. LoveTaylor

 

[lilymarie]

I know that the scars from my abuse can testify to God's goodness and power in saving me but sometimes I still wonder, when will I enjoy the normal things in life again like laughing with your friends without feeling like you don't belong? or licking an icecream cone without wondering why it's tasteless sometimes? or smiling without feeling like a fake? how can you go back when the innoccence is gone forever?
Though I find rest in my Father's arms, some things don't seem to go away, I wake up to a noise screaming, I can't let myself trust in people, especially men, and still at nights the tears sometimes come and my broken heart can't seem to let go of the darkness, its what I know, how can I go on into yet another unknown with no one to hold my hand? I am afraid, afraid of moving on, more afraid of staying in the shadows, and even more afraid that I don't have a choice.
I must run to Jesus and remember He never let go of my hand, I don't have to be afraid. But still the question mark is there.

Sounds like you might be going into stages of "numbness" to block out the painful memories. But what happens when we go numb, is we don't enjoy the other things of life as well. And it hurts to not even be able to enjoy an ice cream cone; we start to feel that emptiness again.

I know what you are going through and it will take time to learn to trust again.

I know how hurt and angry I was to have my innocence and trust taken from me, but just know that my healing didn't take place over night; it's a process.

But if you don't fully allow yourself to work through the pain with Jesus' help; you won't get to the over side -- joy.

Pray for your abuser to be healed and forgive your abuser in Jesus' name.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and for your healing through Jesus.