Will He Change?

[greenbeam]

I try to hold on and have faith in my husband, but he is still very weak minded and I don't know if he will be able to quit pot. He went out last weekend and stayed out till the early morning hours, I knew right away he had done cocaine, he didn't sleep all night. He met up with his druggie friends again and got persuaded (this has happened more than once). It completely infuriated me and I ended up taking my stuff and leaving, he cried and begged that I don't go but I did. Later, I took him to confession and we stayed for a church service. He says he doesn't want to lose me but that is not the only reason I want him to quit, I want him to quit for himself.

I know if I left him right now he would go back to being coke/pot head. He went to his first NA meeting on Monday and said it was a good experience, he also received phone numbers from the other guys there in case he ever had an urge to call his dealer to call them instead.

I am trying to believe that he will change but every time he has a hard day or a problem he needs it, I believe that since this past weekend he hasn't touched anything but I can never be too sure. I never imagined I would have to deal with this type of issue in my life, maybe I should have known better and never got involved in the first place. When we first met he had been a habitual cocaine, pot and alcohol user/drinker, maybe that should have been my sign to stay away. I don't want to deal with this, I have so much on mind as it is and now this...I am trying to be patient but his attitude drives me crazy, he also has a dead end job, no education, a not so great personality...I don't feel right about this at all...I know he needs help and support right now but it feels like he has more problems then just the drugs. What should I do? We haven't been married in church yet and the reason I have refused for the last four years is because I have always felt unsure. If it were true God brought people together for a reason then why do I have so much uncertainty? Thank you.

 

[BobW188]

First and foremost, let's talk about you. Especially since he's already hit an NA meeting, you should check out NarAnon. It is for the spouses and loved ones of addicts, the people have been through (and may still be going through) what you are and can give you a lot better advice than you'll get here.
As to your husband, what you want is what he has to want: to quit for himself; and that means going to any lengths. It may mean detox, inpatient and/or outpatient therapy. It should certainly mean more NA. The druggie friends have got to go. And the biggest thing you need to know is: you have no control over what he does!

That's where NarAnon comes in, not to mention God.

God bless you! There will be other answers here pretty soon, I think, all from people who care. Keep us posted on what's happening.

 

[Richard Lewis]

You hit on the real solution. He has to quit for himself. I hold myself as an example that the Lord can change this situation if it is His will to do so. I spent 25 years locked in these same addictions. 5 years while married to my wife. She deserves a metal for perseverance for what she endured. I have been clean now for 15 years. My wife and I pray together several times a day and praise God together. He has made a good step by going to NA. I will pray for God's hand upon you both