Will God forgive me?

[lanavc51]

Hi, it's my first post here
A bit about my situation.. I've been depressed over the past year and a couple days ago I finally talked to a professional about it and will be getting help! This past year I've been drifting away from God and the last couple months have gotten so bad that I don't acknowledge Him anymore.

However deep down I know I desperately still want to talk and pray to God. When I started going to church (again) 2 summers ago (i'm a uni student away from home), I have never felt so happy in my life. For the first time I suddenly felt clear about my life because God was guiding it. My distant relationship with my mom grew close as we share our mutual love for Him. But now... where am I?

The past couple months and right now, I hate myself so much for abandoning God. I hate that i've been self-harming and giving up on life (I missed almost all of school this year). I hate that I lie to my family and close friends back home about everything. How could I do this to God?? I keep asking myself and God if He will every forgive me for doing this. and now that I'm finally getting help, I realize I will have to tell my family. I know my mom will definitely blame my depression on herself. I feel like I don't deserve to pray so I ask selfishly God to not let my mom be unhappy because of me. Once I tell people about my situation, I will become such a big burden. I will hurt my family.

I can't stop thinking that God won't forgive me or HOW can he forgive me? for bringing pain to my family? for giving up on myself over the last year?

(I'm sorry if I don't make sense. I pretty much haven't spoken to anyone over the last 6 months and don't know who I should talk to - thank you so much.)

 

[droidBebe]

Hey there.

I hope you stop being so hard on yourself soon. I think we have all had depression interfere with our personal relationships and with our relationship with The Most High *TMH*. Seems like that's part of how life can get for us and YHWH hears the cries of His people. <3

I don't know what else to say other than welcome and that we try our best to support each other here.

Oh, and did you know that one of the words in the Bible that is translated as "burden" means "a GIFT that is difficult to carry"? Yeah, this thing is a gift and we help each other carry it here.

I hope I will see you around.

<3

 

[RuthD]

I see you are depressed and worried about things. Why not try making a list of positive things you are grateful for. It can help your self esteem that seems to me to be very low. God bless you. I am praying for your healing. Jesus loves you just as you are.

 

[Woven]

glad you've found your way to this part of the forum

The wonderful thing about God's love is that it isn't dependent on us. Isn't that great news? If God's love was at all dependent on our actions the whole world would be in serious trouble.

The truth is that you have already been forgiven...Christ has already paid the price. God's grace is not looking for the independent or the secure, but for the helpless. All that is necessary to qualify for the grace of God is to be needy… One of the most beautiful characteristics of the grace of God is that it is inexhaustible. Even with all your addictions, insecurities, and frailties, you cannot create a need so big that grace cannot meet it. The bigger the hole, the more grace there is to fill it. Even one who has been to God a million times with the same problem need not fear exhausting the grace of God.

Praying for you

 

[Purge187]

Lanavc51, I'm a "Prodigal child" myself. I felt and unmistakable call upon my heart and mind several years ago to pick up where I left off, and I can honestly say that my life gets better and more blessed as I get closer to God. He's not mad at you, so don't give up. We're praying for you!

 

[Criada]

God has already forgiven you, sweetie
I know it seems very hard right now, but you are doing the right things, getting help, finding support from fellow Christians - things will get better
Well done on taking those first steps

 

[lanavc51]

Thank you everybody. You all have no idea how much it means to me to read your comments. I think all this time I was waiting for someone to just tell me that God is not angry at me.

God bless you all and praying for you all &#9829;