Wierd moment with stbx

[fields316_2000]

My stbx filed for divorce 1 year ago while i was in the hospital ..and was having an affair - the whole nine yards.

now I'm back to getting my life together and have a new someone im seeing and our kids really love her, and she them

i went to the court to find out that low and behold she keeps holding the process up to finalize this (she's using my insurance for her terrible health situation) so i went and put forms in to have a final date to square things away in the month of august..everythings been divided on memorandums last year mind you , and it should have been final in feb.

also the kids for some reason told her about the new lady and she, the ex, threatened to beat her up if the kids are mistreated.

well now that things are finally looking to be finally over, she calls me last night, to talk about the kids and movies she seen and get this, religion and satanism in the media..we talked for 1 and 1/2 hours..and text pretty late going back and forth.

now, this is wierd to me because 1) we havent spoke in a year. everything has been through memo's and legal teams
2) she stopped going to church months before i found out about her cheating. now she's preaching to me about scriptures to read..

3) i know the guy that she is moving on with and is a non believer. she hinted that she's called crazy when she talks about that, so since i recognise what she's saying i ate it up..

has anyone else had something like this happen ? she must want something or a manipulation is really on the way huh?

 

[fields316_2000]

nah she's still a lieing pos. she was using biblical positioning , i believe to set me up for a favor later. my kids came home to tell me that she's the least church going person ever...lol..never goes anymore..

 

[ShainaBrina]

She may simply feel jealous now that you have someone new.

 

[fields316_2000]

she would feel jealous after all that she did??

 

[Autumnleaf]

If she's having sex with him you can still be her BFF if you want. It'd be great if you could help her out if he's feeling too tired.

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

she would feel jealous after all that she did??

just cos she did all that, doesn't mean she wouldn't be affected in some way that you have moved on, it is a new set of emotions that will have to be addressed by her.

 

[fields316_2000]

If she's having sex with him you can still be her BFF if you want. It'd be great if you could help her out if he's feeling too tired.

nah i have a thing about not getting STDS

and about the feelings,
she's been texting me daily now. about nothing ..anything that the kids are doing she has to let me know about..maybe it's jealousy

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

maybe she feels freer to be herself around you now that you're attached to someone else?

 

[fields316_2000]

maybe she feels freer to be herself around you now that you're attached to someone else?

id like to believe that, but we havnt spoken like that in 1 year. it wasnt until the boys told her they met my friend that she is suddenly trying to tell me her goings on in her life..she didnt do that in our marriage

 

[Hosannainthehighest]

you probably didnt get along in your marriage...marriage can do weird things to people, and we can become less respectful to our spouse than to strangers even...it's a weird thing how when someone has space they can behave better?.

just thinking out loud...really i have no idea what you're wife is up to. it is better not to presume anything, but rather to behave in the way God would have you behave in relation to her.

 

[fields316_2000]

id rather not deal with her at all. she became very very worldly and uses the worlds guide to God now rather than actually going to church. you know, wears crosses while she's drinking and partying with her new boyfriend in vegas while she is preaching to the kids 'dont be like me'

 

[jham123]

You all are blind. The ONE indicator that is a tell tale sign.......she said that her new BF has started finding fault with who she "Wants" to be.

She's found out the hard way that the grass is not greener on the other side.

You have a chance now to put your family back together if you play your cards correctly.

Did she do things to you?? possibly......Did she learn?? Most likely.

Think real hard about your kids at this point.

 

[fields316_2000]

You all are blind. The ONE indicator that is a tell tale sign.......she said that her new BF has started finding fault with who she "Wants" to be.

She's found out the hard way that the grass is not greener on the other side.

You have a chance now to put your family back together if you play your cards correctly.

Did she do things to you?? possibly......Did she learn?? Most likely.

Think real hard about your kids at this point.

i love my kids more so than i love my self at times. of course i'd love the picture perfect healing that familys need. but she did alot of hurtful, mean,selfish things- from leaving me homeless after surgery to taking my kids away for a year. maybe your right. the grass isnt all that greener , and fun times may not be so fun anymore. can i forgive? yeah, but i dont think that i'll ever really forget

 

[jham123]

You don't need to forget by any means. But you may consider the kids and how they would benefit from you to being together. Being a Divorced kid is awful. The kids don't say anything, they know no difference.

Just consider the possibilities for the kids sake. A reconciliation may not look like the text book marriage, but it would be a Family.

It would be up to what you would be willing to deal with (put up with). It would be a sacrifice, but we sacrifice our own happiness for the children we bring in the world.

I'm not preaching, I'm just giving you another perspective that contradicts what in all right should be you telling your Ex to pound sand. You do, at this point, have the upper hand. Which could feel good and vengeful, but don't revel in the revenge....clear your head and do what you know to be the correct (AKA "hard") path.

That's all I am suggesting. And if you decide to take the opposite path....I'm not going to fault you. You have a nice woman now.......why even consider it?

 

[fields316_2000]

the one positive is the kids would experience stability again and wont be torn. no more guilt and they can be 100% happy again. not short here and there..
she called me last night to be nice and cool and willing to work with me on anyhting. today in court she acted like a victim and was accusing me of stuff..when i told her she shouldnt be talking to me period, she got upset and the judge told her and her peep's to leave me be. very strange.

 

[jham123]

This one is simple, She's just spent the last year smearing your name all over town to anyone that would slow down enough to hear her slanderous words.

So you have a person that has built up this persona in front of everyone else and then she is torn about what she feels inside for you.

that is why "Sybil" showed her 'other' side to the judge. Immaturity at it's finest.

You have your hands full for sure. She sounds like a real piece of work.

I'd be careful...the more you talk...the more I say you are being "hoovered"

Read this
How Do I Get My Crazy, Abusive Girlfriend Out of My House and My Life? « A Shrink for Men

This article explains exactly what my fears are....
Can an Abusive Borderline Personality Disorder Woman Really Change? « A Shrink for Men

6. Closure Means Closing the Door. It’s natural to want closure at the end of a relationship. Unfortunately, you will rarely find closure with this kind of woman, so you’re probably not going to get an apology—unless it’s to manipulate you back into the relationship. Women like your ex rarely take responsibility for their actions and, as you’re well aware, blame you for their own transgressions. You want an apology because she wronged you very badly. She owes you an apology, but her pathology won’t allow her to give you one.
These women only value what they don’t have, which is why she’s reaching out to you now. This is called hoovering. Hoovering is a metaphor used to explain how abusers, such as borderlines, histrionics and narcissists, try to suck their victims back into relationships by temporarily displaying improved or contrite behavior and/or claiming to have “changed.” BPD’s tend to act like boomerangs and try to maintain contact after you break up, which also makes it difficult to find closure.
If you were to reconcile, she would soon devalue and abuse you again. As previously noted, you may get an apology from her, but it would be meaningless. It would be a manipulation, i.e., she figures out that if she apologizes she might be able to get you back. As for getting closure, I think the best you can hope for is the realization that this woman has serious issues that have nothing to do with you. You were the unsuspecting target of her pathology. The best closure is moving forward in your life, going totally NO CONTACT and finding a healthy and loving partner next time around.

 

[jham123]

dual post.........

 

[fields316_2000]

thankyou 100x for that. this makes alot of sense. especially when the kids told her about my 'friend' she immediately started to call and talk about nothing - nothing at all..hoovering and at the same time doing anyhting to [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] me off. she told hte kids they cant bring anything she paid for around me..lol

 

[jham123]

^^I'd be inclined to give one chance to her.....but if you see the traits that are described by my links after you semi-reconcile......call it a day and go "No Contact" from that day forward.

It's worth a try....

And whatever you do, do no show her that link or that website. Rather, read the whole thing top to bottom, including the comments made by others.....and then make your assessment.

That website can train you quickly to be able to spot crazybritches from a mile away. It is amazing once you are armed with knowledge about Mental Disorders....it explains a ton of things that just never made sense to normal guys in the past.

Crazybritches.......my favorite term......fits so many out there

Even if you aren't willing to reconcile with your Crazybritches, if you read all of that website, it will help you determine future relationships' value prior to jumping off teh cliff with some new honey.....only to find out later she is just as crazy as Crazybritches and you are back at square one again.

 

[fields316_2000]

she just ruined my bday. she sent the kids to myhouse to search for any and all clothes they may have left here. they are here just as much as over there and i feel whats thiers is theirs and should use what is theres without any having to chose anything. well i called her and told her to relax on that stuff bcause she's giving the boys anxietys. she said that the clothes she provides is for her apt and i need to provide for them also..i reminded her the money she gets for those clothes is childsupport and i already paid foreverything- in cluding her apt.
when its time to leave she's honking her horn and making a scene to scare the kids into running to her car and not saying good bye. it's such a petty petty game plan