Why?

[xXMikHaelXx]

.

 

[joey_downunder]

I am so sorry that you have been through this all. I won't give platitudes and shallow words; I am also a survivor of a N Mother. I know what an insult they would be to you. By the way you type I don't think you sound like you've got a personality disorder either. To me it sounds like you're the scapegoat of the family. From everything I've read it sounds like there is always one in a "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" family. It is not your fault.

You can't change your family but you can change yourself. There are good support forums online e.g. http://www.fortrefuge.com/forum/index.php
The change process will really start when you free yourself from their influence. Moving 1000s of kms away from my mother was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Perhaps the first place to start is to recognize that you can't ever change them no matter how hard you try. http://www.luke173ministries.org/

If you want to then please PM me.

 

[dvdscott]

I really feel bad for what you went through and am sorry for how they treated you.

It does seem like there's a lot of selfishness in your household. However, nothing that you've ever went through is your fault and while there may be things that you've had to deal with since going through the things that you've gone through, I dont think that there is anything wrong with you.

God doesnt always come exactly when we call, but he's always there just when we need him. Case in point, in your situation, just when you were about to kill yourself.

God also doesnt give you any more than you can possibly deal with. If you feel like giving up then pray for the strength to deal with all of your problems in your life.

That being said, I'd pray for a way out of your Parent's house and I'd start applying for jobs, etc. If you can't afford your own apartment you can check in your city's Craigslist and look for rooms in apartments already vacated. The entire house wouldnt be yours but based on what you're going through it'd be a much better living condition than what you're in now.

One thing that helps me when I go through what I go through is knowing that as a Christian, God is in me and that God loves me more than everybody in world history put together, times a million. His love is that immeasurable.

 

[xXMikHaelXx]

I really feel bad for what you went through and am sorry for how they treated you.

It does seem like there's a lot of selfishness in your household. However, nothing that you've ever went through is your fault and while there may be things that you've had to deal with since going through the things that you've gone through, I dont think that there is anything wrong with you.

God doesnt always come exactly when we call, but he's always there just when we need him. Case in point, in your situation, just when you were about to kill yourself.

God also doesnt give you any more than you can possibly deal with. If you feel like giving up then pray for the strength to deal with all of your problems in your life.

That being said, I'd pray for a way out of your Parent's house and I'd start applying for jobs, etc. If you can't afford your own apartment you can check in your city's Craigslist and look for rooms in apartments already vacated. The entire house wouldnt be yours but based on what you're going through it'd be a much better living condition than what you're in now.

One thing that helps me when I go through what I go through is knowing that as a Christian, God is in me and that God loves me more than everybody in world history put together, times a million. His love is that immeasurable.

Thanks -

I don't live with my grandparents though - I live next door to them. When my mother came over, she pretty much invited herself in and my grandparents heard the yelling. So, she really did chase me from my OWN home.

I have thought about moving to a new location but I would need to get other things settled with this house before that.

I think it would be worth my efforts because it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Yesterday, my grandmother admitted that she herself is bi-polar and was trying to coax me into agreeing that I was also.

I tried explaining to her that I had to go through a full evaluation to see my therapist - she deals with demonic oppression and they have to clear you mentally before you can start therapy - but it doesn't seem like anyone in my family wants to acknowledge that.

Sometimes it feels like the Spanish inquisition of mental health Like, they're trying to torture me into admitting that something is wrong with me even though I know there isn't. I don't even understand what they could possibly be trying to accomplish. If a three evaluations won't get me put on meds then I don't think the "diagnoses" of my family will either.

As for God - I can't bring myself to pray to him anymore - talk to him - look to him - or even think about him.

I think my Christian walk has come to a dead end... I'm just done.

 

[xXMikHaelXx]

Did I read that right? Your therapist works with "demonic oppression"?? What kind of "therapist" do you see?

And, yeah, sounds like you may be the only sane one in the family. If I were in your shoes, my primary goal would be getting in a living situation where I could separate myself from them, visiting and leaving when I choose to.

She's a Christian therapist/counselor, licensed by the state and fully legit. A lot of things kept happening around me and it turned into a huge ordeal so my old Bible teacher suggested her. We cover "normal" things like childhood trauma and emotional issues but also always pray over any kind of demonic involvement as well. I know it sounds rather odd but you would have to step into my shoes to see why I think someone like her is absolutely necessary.

And I agree but the idea can be difficult to stomach sometimes. I'm like their youngest child and I always liked the idea of living next door just in case they ever needed me - which they sometimes do.

 

[1watchman]

God has kept you from destroying yourself, Mik, as Satan was trying to do, it appears. Thank God for His mercy, learn about His Son --our Savior (see John 14), and read your Bible daily --beginning in the New Testament. Pray much for God's mercy and blessings, and KNOW the Lord Jesus as your Savior and best Friend. All then will go well from here on in walking with the Lord. Don't look back, but look up always!

 

[Arcwood]

Ur pretty.

I have had demonic dreams.
demonic hallucinations.
demonic encounters.

I know what you mean about Bible thumpers too.
I believe the Bible. But Abram didn't have one. who in the Bible got a covenant from God? hmmm

Why this is happening though..
I don't understand the question.
Why what?

Listen though.
I'm going to Mexico in January.
I'd love to meet you before I get there.

sure sure. I'd be sleeping in the streets because I got no money to travel all over the USA.
but I've slept in the streets all over Canada, and Mexico already so.

I'd love to meet you. I'm glad your still alive.
Maybe. Just Maybe you'd join me in Mexico for the winter.

 

[raven1]

Well you certainty didn't deserve any of that at all. I'm sorry u had to go through all that and don't have a loving mother pm me if you like.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Three 3'Cs

You did not Cause (it being the first one) Can't control nor Cure (actions of others)

One thing I might suggest is Al-Anon or a 12 step support group like ACOA for the families of those suffering from the effects of addiction.

Sometimes Adult Children of addicts

have to guess what normal is

judge themselves without mercy

have difficulty with relationships

feel that they are different from other people

are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved

tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors

If you experience some or all of these you may benefit from such a program. The 12 Steps are spiritually based and will give you coping tools that will enhance every aspect of your life. Give yourself an opportunity to heal. You can not help what happened to you, but you can have "beauty for ashes" if you are willing to trade.