Thank you Rex, Dave, and Silver, I appreciate the philosophical points each of you has brought up. But I also wanted some more personal information. What was the reason you decided to marry rather than remain celibate? And why did you choose your spouses (wives in your three cases, but possibly husbands if others reply) rather than someone else? As I said in my OP, I don't need all the sordid details, but I would be interested in what they have that other women didn't.
Rex and Dave, you have given some of the spiritual help and strength that your wives give you. But that is something that they do now as Christian wives, but their roles and relationships would have been different when you were both single and meant little more to one another than any other good Christian friends. Yes, they would have had the same personality then as they have now, and this quality derives directly from their personality, but it is not the only aspect of their personality, and there are other things than personality that men find attractive in women, and vice versa. And I suspect that it was a combination of several of these factors, and not just one.
I can answer that - and hopefully not be too verbose in the effort.
My [future] wife and I co-led a young-singles bible study for about four years, during which time I had opportunity to date a lot of very wonderful young women in our church. I was having a great time. Our group was very supportive as well - teaching us how to behave, how to encourage, how to build up - and how to have a great time while remaining pure in the process. I actually dated several girls fairly seriously during this time, but neither worked out.
My relationship with my [future] wife was that of a co-worker and friend. I would take her out on casual "dates" to build our working relationship and thus benefit the study as well. Such turned out to be a very moronic and naive thing to be doing because as chance would have it, she was falling for me - and me, the big dumb dunce of a male dweeb that I was - was completely clueless to how such times with her was really affecting her. I was sending her very mixed messages and given her feelings for me, they were really beginning to hurt her.
I had a mentor who sat down with me one day to explain the "facts of life." I was [characteristically, I guess] dumbfounded to find out how she felt about me and what an affect my dating others, and her was having on her.
Well, like the moron I was, I took that admonition and did what I thought was the best thing to do - to sit her down in fellowship and tell her I didn't have romantic feelings for her, that we should be "just friends."
So, that didn't go over too well.
Word got back to my mentor, who sat me down again and, bottom line, he basically told me to stop with the casual times out altogether as study leader/co-leader. Moreover, he told me, for her sake to "cool it" and stop spending any time with her whatsoever outside the bible study. No dates, no fellowship, nothing. Just stay away from her that way for awhile to let her own feelings and emotions subside.
I remember being first hurt that I had hurt her so. I truly didn't mean her any harm or ill-will whatsoever. I considered her a good friend and someone with whom I worked well, someone who was a critical, critical aspect to the effectiveness of our bible study (God had blessed us with much fruit and success as a study).
I went home that day in utter turmoil. Thinking about the study, our friendship, and my mentor's telling me to basically "stop seeing her."
Something clicked. I remember it distinctly, telling myself "...but I don't want to NOT see her!"
Six months later I asked her to go steady (I was 31, she ws 30). A year and a half after that, I proposed to her, and 9 months after that we married. We just celebrated our 23rd anniversary.
