Why wait?

[Pope Gonzo]

Hi all, I'm gonna do my best to keep this as short as possible I had a (rare) conversation with one of my older brothers on Saturday. Both of my older brothers are married and live several states away, so we don't get very much interaction. Well, I was catching Phil up on what's going on in my life, and the subject came to my girlfriend Steph and when I plan on proposing and marrying her. Before the conversation, we were planning on getting married in two years, after I graduate college. We know this will be hard on us, but we figured it's the best option. Well, my brother says to me, in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice, "Well, why not just get married next year?" Now, I very much respect my brothers - they're both incredibly wise men. And since the conversation, the big question has been when we should get married. Now, lately my quiet times haven't been that great, so that's the first thing I want to get in order before making any real decisions. There are a lot of factors to consider, but all in all, what do you guys think is the better option: 1)Wait until I graduate and have a job, even though it's going to be longer and more physically stressful on us, or 2)Go ahead and get married before my senior year in college, even though it's going to be tougher on us financially?

 

[DaveKerwin]

What are your living options? Can you get cheap rent somewhere? If so, I say get married.

 

[KLLM82]

What are your living options? Can you get cheap rent somewhere? If so, I say get married.

Is this the best factor to use in order to determine when the proper time to get married is? Interesting....

To Gonzo, I personally think it would be wise to wait till you graduate college in order to get married...but yet, what has God spoken to you regarding this matter?

~Katia~

 

[Yaboosh Wabowsky]

I assume by "physically stressful" you allude to the sexual frustration you may be feeling as a result of waiting until marriage. If this is so, you should definitely try not to let this influence you into getting married before you are ready. If you are SURE this girl is the one, by all means, propose, get engaged. However, it is very smart to wait until after college to begin planning (and PAYING) for the wedding and the resulting financial independence. Without 2 full time jobs, money will be tight, and if you think the PHYSICAL pressure is bad, wait until there is monetary pressure.

Why wait? For the good of the critical first years of marriage.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Is this the best factor to use in order to determine when the proper time to get married is? Interesting....

To Gonzo, I personally think it would be wise to wait till you graduate college in order to get married...but yet, what has God spoken to you regarding this matter?

~Katia~

He did not ask what factors should be considered when choosing a mate. The assumption is that he will marry her now or later. IF it is true that it will eventually happen for sure, then I say sooner instead of later. If he can find some place cheap to live, then I say go for it. I see no reason to wait if she is the right one.

 

[Yaboosh Wabowsky]

Certainly it is better financially to wait until after college and settling into their respective jobs? You say why wait? I say why rush? If it is basically a foregone conclusion, then wait until it feels right, and until the situation will present the least amount of stress. Logical thinking in these situations may seem counter intuitive but the opposite is counter productive.

 

[hugnluvable]

I agree with Dave here.... you should ask yourself.... "Why not wait?" I'm sure you might have done already but if you havent try to look at it the other way round.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Why not wait always begs the question in my mind "What's the rush?"
I know doing school and work while maintaining a marriage is no easy task there are so many variables that play into the decision because of both of those. Time is something that you wont have much of to give, IMO the first year is the hardest I guess overall why would you want to make it any harder?
While I think financially you need to be prepared ( getting money for your wedding is always nice too ) i.e. what DK mentioned. I say however wait it out and finish school two years will go by so very fast you wont even know it, IMO getting married and finishing the two years is going to really drag them out. As an option I would suggest maybe taking less classes extend the two years if you are set on getting married sooner then later.. this is a real fine line to walk.. like I said you have to take into account your time at home and more so AWAY from home, nights doing homework, midterms and PMS all in the same week, things like that.
IMO i say wait the two years or cut back classes so you can give your wife the time she needs/wants/deserves. I am sure she will say she understands that you need to finish and she will be okay with it keep in mind the excitement of being married can be a little deceiving in our decision making. I think you should wait.

Warrior Poet

 

[katelyn]

Well, I guess it depends on why you were planning to wait for another two years, and how you felt about it before your brother brought up getting married sooner. Personally, I agree with the idea that there's no need to rush when it comes to marriage, and if you are okay with waiting an extra year or so, then there's nothing wrong with that, even though there are some "perks" to getting married sooner rather than later.

But, if you've been dating for a couple years and have the ability to be somewhat financially stable before you graduate, then I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married the summer before your senior year if that's what you want. That's what my husband and I did. I think that's a reasonable time to get married if you are sure you are ready, because then you are almost done with school and also are saving yourselves the stress of trying to plan a wedding and graduate at the same time.

Of course, now my husband is in graduate school, so this whole school + marriage thing is getting a little more drawn out than we expected. So, if you are considering graduate school, that's something to take into consideration as far as when to get married as well.

 

[Katty]

Why wait?

Cause marriage should be worth the wait. I guess personally, I've always admired the guys who had their heads on straight and their priorties straight. I'm not saying that your fiance should not be a priority, but in the long run, I think that you finishing school before you get married will pay off because you don't have to set aside this much time for homework, midterms, etc... and therefore, your wife won't have to "compete" with your schooling. I'm sure that marriage would be a great option, but if you're trying to finish school and you only have 2 more years, I say go for the schooling and get that over with. Marriage will be your reward

~Katty~

 

[LadyBird]

I say wait...but please read what I have to say.

So what if it is going to be more physically stressful? No one ever said it was going to be easy abstaining from sex. It's worth waiting for. I know I will be one of the only people who think this, but if you want to have sex that badly and that is the only basis of your marriage, then I would say, have sex...hear me out. Seriously, so many christian couples get married for the wrong reasons, I am NOT saying you are one of them. I am just planting the thought in your mind as to why you want to get married when you are in college and finances will be tight.

Did you know that money issues is one of the main causes of divorce? Don't you want to be able to provide for your family and wife and not have to be worried about whether or not you will be able to put food on the table? I mean heck, you are only 19, I am the same age as you and so is my boyfriend. We have been dating for over 3 years and still plan on waiting another 2 because we want to be financially stable as well as ready to get married.

Before you talked with your brother, things (from what you said in your post) sounded fine to me. It's what works for you. You have the REST of your lives to spend together, why not wait until you are ready to get married. I am sure that you will be much more happy knowing that you will be ready...and that you can actually provide for your family.

And if you do decide to wait, it's only 2 years away...you will still be young and will probably still be together. I know a couple that dated for 8 years...they were in middle school when they started dating...anyways, they waited until it was practical to get married--ie., being financially stable and emotionally, spirtually and physically ready to make such a huge, life long committment.

And do you feel that it is God leading you, what you want or what your brother said to you? I think that it is always best to follow God and His timing, if it is God who is telling you to get married, then get married. If not, then I think you should wait at least until you get answer from God.

 

[KLLM82]

He did not ask what factors should be considered when choosing a mate.

Nor did I say that either. I asked if what you listed is what should be considered to determine the proper time to get married, not selecting a mate. I do not see the rush in getting married unless God says "now is the time" or He puts it in his heart to get married so soon.

It says a lot about someone's character when they settle for the least of things and frankly, that's not who I am so to see someone say "get a cheap rent somewhere and get married" makes me think twice. It's important for a person to know what they want in life so that they don't take whatever comes their way.

Even if she's the right one for him, I'm sure God has a right timing for it and obeying God in what He asks/commands us to do should be the most important thing to do.

~Katia~

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. First of all, for the record, yes, this is the woman I am going to marry I definitely see the points that you're all making about why to wait and everything. Someone noted that things seemed fine before I talked to my brother, and they did. And I totally agree with Katia about how God's timing is the most important thing, and that's where I get into the fog. I've been doing my quiet times, and I'm gonna wait a good two or three weeks at least of steady Bible studying and talking with God before I try and make a decision, and I'm also gonna talk to my dad about financial issues during Spring break(if finances are ok, it's not necessarily a "yes," but if they're not, it's definitely a "no"). Also, someone mentioned the age thing(which is very important to be aware of), and I'll be turning 20 in like 10 days... or something like that, so I'd be 21 if we got married earlier. Plus, Steph will be graduating this December(she turned 22 in January). I think that's all the new news Thanks again for all the response everyone!

 

[JillLars]

Hi Pope Gonzo-

Just one more thing to add...

Depending on where you are from, and what kind of wedding you want to have, waiting 2 years might not be a bad idea. My fiance and I are getting married on May 20, 2006. We are going to start planning this spring, because in the area where I live you need to book a hall at least 18 months in advance, plus we will be able to pay for things gradually while we are completing school, and then we will be finished with school when we get married.

I think its good that you are going to pray about it, but you should probably talk with your girlfriend about it too, cause what happens if you decide you want to get married in one year, and she wants to wait? Its always good to communicate fully about these things so you are both on the same page, you will also be less likely to be influenced by others if you make the decision together

 

[DaveKerwin]

Gonzo, don't have sex.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Gonzo, don't have sex.

Well, that's kind of a given

And Jill - that's another good point that hasn't been brought up. Right now we're in the middle of midterms, and she's got a really rough week. She was obviously the first person I talked to after my brother, but we're just gonna leave the topic alone for a little bit. We'll probably sit down during Spring break after I talk to my dad. Rock on, all

 

[invisiblebabe]

Since she is older, and she is able to have a job before you, then maybe it could work if you get married sooner. A couple I know was in that situation (although the guy was older, and the girl was still in college) and are doing well.

Most importantly though, keep seeking Him about it, and about all areas of your life! May He bless ya much!