Why so?

[bithiah2]

Life is indeed full of ups and downs
And that the Bible says that we are
To be content either way
Meaning God will work wonders in us
I know that you are only trying to
Encourage others and you have encouraged me
for one
So please, don't let this get you down
Really we are nice people.

be blessed and encouraged...
you have encouraged me with your poems.
bithiah2

 

[OhhJim]

So there is something worse and more miserable than suicidal?

Well, yeah. Actually committing suicide is worse.

That is how bad it has been at times. I am not saying I am that way right now, but I have been in the past due to not having a certain someone to come home to. I will do my best to endure, but I don't think this single life is all that good for me living long and prospering.

Ah, but I understand. I've been there before, myself.

Look, I know I'm not going to convince you of anything, because nobody could convince me of anything when I was where you are now. Let me just say that I am so glad I hung in there, and let God work, and learned a few things, and lived a little, and didn't get married when I could have.

I don't know if it's a good idea for you to get married or not. But I believe that God knows, and I believe that He loves you enough to possibly prevent you from doing something that will make you miserable. Or not, I just don't know. I do know that when I look back on my life, I praise God for not letting me get married when I begged and begged Him to let me get married.

 

[silentpoet]

I still cannot see how all this pain can be from God. It is said God is good, well if that is true then my being single cannot be from God. For if God only gives us good stuff, then He did not give me this being single. Now I can whole-heartedly believe the devil is behind this.

And this is not living. I don't find the whole thing of being single to be any use what-so-ever. The only good thing is that it has to end sometime. One way or the other it has to end.

What strikes me as funny is that people insist this is from God without even considering the other side. And they don't consider the effects on others. Would you go up to a cancer patient and say it is from God? That is how it strikes me. And when people do this or even when I tell myself being single is from God it only drives me further from God. I do not see one way in which this could be from God. If it is, why should I want anything to do with Him. The thought just feels me with such rage. I don't think that God could be so cruel. So when you(generic you) say it is from God, what you are saying to me is "God is cruel"

I think aside from being single, I could be ok with my life. It is not great yet, but all of my material needs are met. And in spite, yes in spite, of being single I am growing spiritually and in other ways.

 

[covenantwmn]

One of the best truths I was ever given was when I went to my pastor about my husband's leaving. I asked, why didn't God stop him, she replied, God tried, he wasn't listening. So out of God's hands, and of course we are not left as those without hope. I've been there too, but God is God and my life is to try to glorify him whatever the circumstance, easier said than done admittedly. Further, i'm tired of singleness too, but not willing to settle because of it. I trust God more than I do myself.

 

[bigRedhead]

Shari, and RED I whole heartedly agree with all of your posts thus far and want to say thank you.

Now as to the OP.

It is my understanding of Josh's reference to the "Gift of singleness" is refering to being able to use ones "free time" to focus on the things of God and not being disctracted by the worries/conserns of marriage/family. If you look at the text he was refering to in the Bible for this you have to look at the entire passage and see where the write was coming from, and what their focus was for the message. Not just one verse here and there.

My $0.02

 

[Tuffguy]

Life is a gift. Our next breath is a blessing. God doesn't promise a super happy life as a believer. Learn to deal with the hand you are delt instead of complaining that things are working out exactly the way YOU want.

This negative attitude could have something to do with why you're single.

 

[Katnansis]

What strikes me as funny is that people insist this is from God without even considering the other side. And they don't consider the effects on others.

What is the other side that you assume 'people' aren't considering. Sounds like everyone here understands the hurt that comes with longing for a mate.

Would you go up to a cancer patient and say it is from God? That is how it strikes me.

I would say most cancer patients who are Christians still understand God's love amidst their suffering. They understand that all things work together for good.. even illness leading to death.

And when people do this or even when I tell myself being single is from God it only drives me further from God

Sounds like you have decided that God apparently doesn't know what He's doing, and He certainly doesn't know what YOU are going through. Is this the God you know??

I do not see one way in which this could be from God. If it is, why should I want anything to do with Him. The thought just feels me with such rage.

Perhaps the rage comes from you wanting to control the situation and you cannot. I believe maybe God is trying remind you that He is the one in control. After all He knows how to run our lives much better than we do.

I don't think that God could be so cruel. So when you(generic you) say it is from God, what you are saying to me is "God is cruel" .

No, but that sounds like something Satan wants you to think. If God has already said He loves you in His word, then maybe you need to ask yourself do you really believe what God said.

I don't know of any Christian who never gets angry at God for something. But coming back to the realization that 1. He really loves us, and 2. He sees the larger picture and is working things out for our good, is what tells us that our anger is really unfounded.

 

[silentpoet]

What is the other side that you assume 'people' aren't considering. Sounds like everyone here understands the hurt that comes with longing for a mate.

No what I am arguing is that being single is not a gift from God, it is from the devil. At least when it comes to my situation.

I would say most cancer patients who are Christians still understand God's love amidst their suffering. They understand that all things work together for good.. even illness leading to death.

So would you go up to them and say "Cancer is a gift from God"?

Sounds like you have decided that God apparently doesn't know what He's doing, and He certainly doesn't know what YOU are going through. Is this the God you know??

No you still insist that being single is from God. You still insist that something so awful is from God. I have not seen anything in scripture that indicates God brings evil to those who seek and love Him.

Perhaps the rage comes from you wanting to control the situation and you cannot. I believe maybe God is trying remind you that He is the one in control. After all He knows how to run our lives much better than we do.

No the rage comes from the thought that God would be cruel and there is nothing I can do about it. Since God cannot be cruel or act in evil towards us, then my being single cannot be from Him.

No, but that sounds like something Satan wants you to think. If God has already said He loves you in His word, then maybe you need to ask yourself do you really believe what God said.

Satan is the one who benefits most from my being single. It is the source of all my sorrow, or at least the greatest part of it. Scripture says God will not lead us into sin, well my being single leads me into sin. I have confirmation from other experiences as well that my being single is not a gift from God. And God has as much as told me.

I don't know of any Christian who never gets angry at God for something. But coming back to the realization that 1. He really loves us, and 2. He sees the larger picture and is working things out for our good, is what tells us that our anger is really unfounded.

This at least we can agree more on. I am angry and hurt about being single. But I think my anger is well founded. I do thank you for your concern, even though I disagree with you.

I must go now because the library is shutting early due to weather. I leave you with the words of a song that seem to apply here. "There ain't no good guys, there ain't no bad guys, there's only you and me and we just disagree"

 

[OhhJim]

How many married guys have you talked to who said how awesome being married is, and it changed them from being miserable and suicidal to being joyful and happy?

How many married guys have you talked to who said marriage is ok, it has its benefits, but they really miss the days when they were single?

How many married guys have you talked to who said marriage sucks, they made a huge mistake, and they'd be single again in a hearbeat if it weren't for X or Y or Z?

I'm assuming you've never been married. If so, how is it that you know more about what it would mean to be married than people who have been? Please get firsthand opinions from as many men as you can, if you haven't done so.

I remember when I was 23, I was moaning to my singles pastor about how miserable I was being single, and I wanted to get married. He was married, and told me I shouldn't be in a hurry, and marriage really wasn't all that great. Of course, I knew more about marriage than he did, so I assured him that maybe his marriage wasn't that great, but mine would be. A year or two later, I was married, and whaddya know?! He was right all along! I only wish I could find him and thank him for trying.

 

[Katnansis]

So would you go up to them and say "Cancer is a gift from God"?

I wouldn't go up to them and tell them anything about their cancer. If they asked me if I thought God was causing their suffering, I would tell them I do not know directly (especially not knowing their medical history and/or habits), but I would tell them that God has allowed their suffering in His omnipotence, and He loves them still.

No you still insist that being single is from God. You still insist that something so awful is from God. I have not seen anything in scripture that indicates God brings evil to those who seek and love Him.

1 Corinthians 7:7 says (NLT): I wish everyone oculd get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness. No you still insist that singleness is some kind of curse of Satan.

No the rage comes from the thought that God would be cruel and there is nothing I can do about it. Since God cannot be cruel or act in evil towards us, then my being single cannot be from Him.

Do you believe God allows "evil and cruel things" to happen to us for His glory?

What happens if He gives you a spouse like He's done so many others and the spouse dies about 3 to 4 years into the marriage? Or if the spouse decides they don't want to live with you anymore and leaves? Do you base your belief in God's "cruelty" or His love on how good things are going for you at any given moment?

Satan is the one who benefits most from my being single. It is the source of all my sorrow, or at least the greatest part of it. Scripture says God will not lead us into sin, well my being single leads me into sin. I have confirmation from other experiences as well that my being single is not a gift from God. And God has as much as told me.

Sounds like you are giving Satan control over this area of your life, and you've forgotten about God in His sovereignty and wisdom. Also, if you are certain that God has told you that your singleness is of Satan, what did He tell you about bearing this suffering that Satan has brought upon you?

This at least we can agree more on. I am angry and hurt about being single. But I think my anger is well founded. I do thank you for your concern, even though I disagree with you.

No problem, I can agree to disagree as well . I pray that you will someday soon take a good look at your words on this thread and your thought patterns, and see how they line up with the incredible truth that God really does loves you - even though you are currently single in His presence .. God bless.

 

[silentpoet]

I am doing my best to grow as a person to be ready for marriage, but being single to me is still from the devil. Jesus said in Matthew that not everybody can accept being single. Even the quote from Paul is missused often to imply that for all people being single is a gift. Paul also said of singleness "but not all people are gifted as I am." I certainly am not gifted that way. It is like spiritual gifts, one man has say faith, another prophesy.

I refuse to lie to you or to God and say I am ok with being single. I may have to tolerate it or live with it a while longer, but I do not have to accept this state as a good thing. I think it is a negative that I must overcome. It is not a good thing for me. Early in the bible God says "it is not good for the man to be alone"

I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that my being single is of the devil. For if I believe that being single is from God, it makes God a cruel monster and life truly pointless. God may well be able to use it, but I know that there is better out there. I refuse to be satisfied with less than is on my heart. I refuse to say this present suffering is good enough, the outcome and the fact that it will end is good, but not the suffering itself. Jesus said there will be troubles and sorrows, well being single is one of them. Why should I lie and call it less than it is?

There is more to my life than being single, but it is the worst aspect of my life. It is the one area where if it were to change in accordance with prayer and God's leading then it would make a remarkable difference in my life. I know that one day God will lift me up. I know that someday God will answer my plea. Being single holds me back in so many ways. I know of at least 2-3 creative projects I can't do right now because of it. Or at least, I have to be delivered before I can do them.

 

[bigRedhead]

Hey SP I would like to reccomend two other books for you to give a read in the near future that may help you prepare. I know that they have helped me.

#1. If only He Knew

#2. Preparing for Marriage They use this one at the church I attend for pre-marital counciling

BOth of those are GREAT books, and this last one is pretty good too.

Finding the Love of your Life

Hope they help. And remeber to keep praying about it.

 

[silentpoet]

thanks for the book reccomendations. I have so many right now to go through. I am re-reading The Success Principles right now and intend to go through Awaken The Giant Within again soon. I need to work on the process of change a bit more then add the specific relationship books. But I am currently in about 3-4 books. I have a copy of the 5 Love Languages for singles. My sister said the 5 love languages really blessed her marriage.

 

[virtualben]

i understand what you are going through. before i trusted god i was very depressed because i was single. i would constantly think to myself, i dont care who it is as long as it is someone. then when i straightened my life out and started reading the bible, i realized that you have to trust and have faith in god. shortly after putting my faith in god i met a very nice girl, however she is a non-believer and i have decided not to pursue a relationship with her for that reason. i believe this was a test from god to see if i truly loved him and had faith that he will provide for me.
i read somewhere that 1000 years to us is 1 day to god. that means that if he make us wait 10 years for something, it is like 15 minutes for him. all i can say is put all your trust in god and pray for whatever it is you want and he will provide.
"but seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33 niv

 

[silentpoet]

I cannot trust God in this area, at least I cannot feel trust for/with Him. He has let me down too many times for me to have any real feelings of trust in this area. People say trust God and do not realize they are asking the impossible. I can ask myself what I would do if I trusted God and act on that, but I cannot feel trust.

I know you mean well and your heart is right. It is just not comfort I can really take. I do my best though to cope in spite of my limitations of belief and trust. And I am seeing some progress and some possible positive signs. So there is still yet hope. It is just that being single is still a big negative and I do not see it as being from God. I am more convinced of that each day, and that is a comfort. And also that someday soon God will deliver me.