Why so?

[silentpoet]

So as not to hijack another thread.

Why so?

What bugs me is when people like Josh Harris(among others) insist being single is a good thing from God. I do think for some people it can be very good and they can do much good with it. But Jesus said it is not given to everybody to be single. So to say as a blanket statement that being single is good is clearly contrary to at least some scripture.

It is like living in a certain place. Some people are really blessed to live in a big city. I would be miserable with all the traffic and crime. The museums and culture would not really offset the disadvantages.

Being single makes me doubt God every day. It leads me to question His goodness and provision. It makes me feel like I am not worthy of love. How can all this hurt be of God? This suffering and disbelief makes me less willing and able to serve God. So I don't see how my singleness is of or from God, except possibly in the way of suffering as Job did. I just await the day my suffering ends one way or the other.

I work hard at overcoming these negative thoughts and emotions, but to some degree they are always there. Some days it is much better and I hardly feel pain at all. But there is always some pain. Now I can use this to further my poetry or other writing, and some good work has come out of it. But the fact remains that being single takes so much out of me. In fact there is one piece I can't write at the moment because of what it takes. I know the story or at least the inspiration remains, but I don't have the courage or maybe perspective required to write it. I don't have the joy needed or at least the deliverance from suffering.

 

[mina]

I think being single can carry lots of varrying emotions from time to time, I know it can for me. Sometimes i'm happy with it, but most of the time i'm not. I'm thankful for what I have, for what God has given me, i'm committed to serving Him and am trying to trust Him each day. I was really happy being single before and then I was in a relationship and it changed my perspective on singleness. Anyways I hate how sometimes single people accuse each other of different things regarding their level of satisfaction in singleness. In my opinion we all need to show more grace towards each other. As long as being single (or your love or hate of it) doesn't totally consume your life and rule your emotions; i don't see what the big deal is. Some people like it; some people don't.

I have my days when I feel really upset about being single. What I would really love from the body of Christ is to have someone to call on who will not think less of me for feeling that way. I would really love to have some sort of older woman in my life that when I was having a total ugh i'm single moment, I could feel safe to call and she would pray with me about my feelings and about my future hubby and marriage. My church has a women mentoring thing and i've done it twice. When I brought up what I wanted out of the mentorship, the ladies looked at me like I was crazy. Kinda their attitude was :you are ungrateful, b/c you want something that God hasn't brought to you. Sometimes I really need to hear: you are normal, I'm sorry this upsets you, let's pray about this right now together.

 

[TinaFromRoseville]

I definitely agree that what is good for some people is not always good for all people. I understand why people like Josh Harris write such fervent books; they found something that worked incredibly well in their own lives and they feel certain it will change others and feel compelled to make sure they make that happen. Personally, I couldn't even finish reading the book. Not that I wasn't happy for him or proud of what he did, I just realized that it was just not for me. I could try to convince myself that this was the right way to live and that I should do it, but I have a hard enough time following the true Word, I don't need to wrestle with another book's expectations.

 

[okiemommy26]

I do not think of being single until I have some time to myself which is not much. Like if I am watching movie or like yesterday I put up my tree. It hit me I am single. I am going to live like that till I get someone new. I know God will provide. I just do not know when lol.

 

[vjaine]

I definitely agree that what is good for some people is not always good for all people. I understand why people like Josh Harris write such fervent books; they found something that worked incredibly well in their own lives and they feel certain it will change others and feel compelled to make sure they make that happen. Personally, I couldn't even finish reading the book. Not that I wasn't happy for him or proud of what he did, I just realized that it was just not for me. I could try to convince myself that this was the right way to live and that I should do it, but I have a hard enough time following the true Word, I don't need to wrestle with another book's expectations.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Haven't we beaten this horse enough already? To sum it up, there are people like Fusion who are perfectly happy in their single lifestyles and for valid reasons just as there are people who are unhappy with the lifestyle such as myself. I am not going to tell any single people that they would be happier if they were married and I don't want them trying to convinvce me that their gig is better than a married committment. For some people being single is the way to go. I accept that. I have been married and I have been single and for myself...married is much better. I struggle with sexual temptations. They are there and they don't show any signs that they'll be leaving anytime soon. Since sex within marraige is wholesome and holy and sex outside of marriage is sinful, I propose that my life would be far more productive as a Christian were I married and from experience I know this to be the case.

 

[bithiah2]

well, let me try to help whomever it was that posted this...i believe that life is a good thing from God. the very fact that you woke up this morning is a good thing, with whatever comes along with it.
(psalm 92:1-2) according to the Word we are supposed to be able to find a place of contentment in whatever life situation we find ourselves in, with or without what we want. (phil.4:11-13)
if you are believing God for a companion and yet you are doubting God every day, then why should He give you anything? you have just contradicted yourself.
(jas. 1:7-8) His goodness and provision for you allowed you to get online somewhere, either on your own computer or someone elses, and say whatever you wanted to say. and, if you have not learned to be happy by yourself, you will not be happy with a companion because a healthy person will not want to occupy the same space with one who is so miserable. you will drain all of their energy by expecting them to make you happy, because you will become very angry and frustrated at them when they can't .
there is joy to be found alone, and in the presence of another. at this time when we are supposed to be thankful, it is really a slap in God's face to not show thanksgiving to him. i am not judging or condemning, but just saying what the Word says. (col. 3:15)
blessings
bithiah2

 

[sherri]

What bugs me is when people like Josh Harris(among others) insist being single is a good thing from God

And it bugs me when people puts words in authors mouths

Josh Harris's book is about being single unless you are dating someone towards the intent of marriage. Because to date someone to keep yourself company or because everyone else is doing it does neither you nor them any favours.

 

[JPPT1974]

You date in order to benefit both
You and the person that you are dating
Don't date just to think you need company
Just date in order to make sure that this person
Is the right one for you and you are the right
Person for them.
Meaning don't date for all the wrong reasons.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

well, let me try to help whomever it was that posted this...i believe that life is a good thing from God. the very fact that you woke up this morning is a good thing, with whatever comes along with it.
(psalm 92:1-2) according to the Word we are supposed to be able to find a place of contentment in whatever life situation we find ourselves in, with or without what we want. (phil.4:11-13)
if you are believing God for a companion and yet you are doubting God every day, then why should He give you anything? you have just contradicted yourself.
(jas. 1:7-8) His goodness and provision for you allowed you to get online somewhere, either on your own computer or someone elses, and say whatever you wanted to say. and, if you have not learned to be happy by yourself, you will not be happy with a companion because a healthy person will not want to occupy the same space with one who is so miserable. you will drain all of their energy by expecting them to make you happy, because you will become very angry and frustrated at them when they can't .
there is joy to be found alone, and in the presence of another. at this time when we are supposed to be thankful, it is really a slap in God's face to not show thanksgiving to him. i am not judging or condemning, but just saying what the Word says. (col. 3:15)
blessings
bithiah2

While inherently I agree with everything you say, life is also about balance. Too much of anything is a bad thing and in today's world too many people's lives are out of balance on many fronts and the issue of companionship often gets the brunt of the force because it is one of the most apperent and seemingly simplest to satisfy. And on the opposing scale just because someone has things worse doesn't mean any other person's life is a basket of roses. Someones always got it worse. We are living in the end times and relationship problems are one of the most widespread problems on the face of the Earth which would qualify it as a legitimate concern in my book but it's often passed off as trivial by well meaning people who have enough problems of their own and don't want to deal with it. There is no person on the face of the Earth that when plugged into your life will solve all your problems and turn night into day. But for individuals not called into a single ministry (and thats one of those first gifts you'll ever realize if you in fact are) there is a person out there that will play a role in your completion as a person in Christ Jesus.

 

[bithiah2]

OK but...
no person can complete you, God says that you are complete in Him. (col 2:10, col. 4:2) you are not half-a-person wating for somebody to make you into a whole one. and i know that in genesis it says that God Himself said "it is not good for the man to be alone"...but if you find yourself in that state then occupy until you get married. marriage is a good thing, otherwise God would not have made provision for it. now-- either the Bible means what it says, or it does not. if God has someone for you then while you are waiting, be content! being miserable does not help and it is not going to attract anyone to your side either.
blessings
bithiah2

 

[Deliberatetourist]

OK but...
no person can complete you, God says that you are complete in Him. (col 2:10, col. 4:2) you are not half-a-person wating for somebody to make you into a whole one. and i know that in genesis it says that God Himself said "it is not good for the man to be alone"...but if you find yourself in that state then occupy until you get married. marriage is a good thing, otherwise God would not have made provision for it. now-- either the Bible means what it says, or it does not. if God has someone for you then while you are waiting, be content! being miserable does not help and it is not going to attract anyone to your side either.
blessings
bithiah2

Did you even read my post? I flat out said that no person in themselves can complete anyone. But how many married people have you ever heard say that they were ok with the single part of their lives but couldn't imagine life without their husband/wife? Sounds like a completion in part to me. Sounds like you just want to argue. Our world isn't perfect and circumstances happen that make life difficult. I think there is a difference in being "content" and a difference in being happy. A person who has a job that only pays the bills and has been unable to find a better one might resign themselves to being "content" in the fact that they are employed but not really happy about the fact they don't have any capital to make thier life a little more enjoyable. And just like things can always be worse for another person they can always be better for anyone also. Frustration is a part of the game of life and some people are always going to have more or less than you. Life is more kind to some than others but until you've walked in those people's shoes under their circumstances I would refrain from critiquing them regarding their obligation to be "happy" under their circumstances. I dont think God ever called us to be happy in any particular circumstance and maybe that is not what you are suggesting but thats how it comes off lots of times when people make the statements that you have.

 

[RED that's ME]

One thing is sometimes christians gets things mixed up. As much as we want certain things like being marriage (me included)
God does have a plan for each of our lives and when we know what it is and live it, it makes life easier. I don't know God's reasoning for why certain things don't happen. Some people also marry outside of God's will cause of wanting what they want and not what God wants.
What is God's plan for our lives? Scripture tells us....

1 Corinthians 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

If you read Acts 1 Jesus last words before he ascended was telling us we needed to be witnesses for him. Last words someone says who knows we won't see each other for a long time, is usually given with more importance. Glorying God & sharing the gospel with others and encouraging other believers. That's what is expected of Christians #1 not that we have a great education, important job, marriage etc....

Even though we don't understand the reason or rhyme of it we are still to give thanks in ALL things.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Instead of getting bitter about it, we just need to pray and ask God to have his will and to also give us contentment.

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

Hebrew 13:5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

 

[OhhJim]

Being single makes me doubt God every day. It leads me to question His goodness and provision. It makes me feel like I am not worthy of love. How can all this hurt be of God? This suffering and disbelief makes me less willing and able to serve God. So I don't see how my singleness is of or from God, except possibly in the way of suffering as Job did. I just await the day my suffering ends one way or the other.

Maybe God knows you'd be even more miserable if you got married.

 

[silentpoet]

And it bugs me when people puts words in authors mouths

Josh Harris's book is about being single unless you are dating someone towards the intent of marriage. Because to date someone to keep yourself company or because everyone else is doing it does neither you nor them any favours.

Actually I will post the quote if I can find it. Just did at the following URL.
http://www.familylife.com/articles/article_detail.asp?id=1208

[QUOTE Joshua Harris]I'd like to clearly state the perspective that I believe God wants us to have toward romance. What follows are five important "new attitudes" that will help us break out of dating's negative habits.
snip
2. My unmarried years are a gift from God.

[/QUOTE]

In the radio broadcast on this topic I believe he used the words "Great blessing" It is not the whole book or article I disagree with. I just strongly disagree with this one section. I had to turn the radio off at that point because I was so enraged. Ron White has a bit about a tire going off just after he had it changed. He said "Sending me into a dimension of P.O. that I have never been before in my life." And that was about my reaction.

I wonder if he would go up to a person with cancer and say "You are really blessed to have cancer." Because that is how it strikes me when I am not as prepared to deal with it. But when I am down it can really just push me further down. Right now I am fairly ok, but not good.

Maybe God knows you'd be even more miserable if you got married.

So there is something worse and more miserable than suicidal? That is how bad it has been at times. I am not saying I am that way right now, but I have been in the past due to not having a certain someone to come home to. I will do my best to endure, but I don't think this single life is all that good for me living long and prospering.



Just to the thread in general.

I do my best to do what I understand of God's will. I do my best to serve in the face of all my doubts. My point is that being single drives me further from God. And how can something that causes so much sorrow and pain to me, and through keeping me from giving my best hurts others and hinders my purpose in life, be from God?

It is a hinderance, not a help to me serving God. I spend so much energy just fighting this one issue. It keeps me from using all of my gifts and inspiration in a positive way. I think only the purposes of the devil really much benefit. I know God can turn anything around. I know that eventually(in my head if not my heart) that all things do work to my good, but this sure does not feel like it. I see being single as a gift from the devil, not God. I am quite convinced of that fact. It is only when I forget that I get angry and bitter towards God.

I am not as angry or bitter as I sound, but being single is one of my sore points so I talk a little too much on it.

 

[JPPT1974]

Well all I can do is pray for you
Pray that you make the right choice and
That you will be happy in making this choice
Good luck to you.

 

[sherri]

Actually I will post the quote if I can find it. Just did at the following URL.
http://www.familylife.com/articles/a...il.asp?id=1208

[QUOTE Joshua Harris]I'd like to clearly state the perspective that I believe God wants us to have toward romance. What follows are five important "new attitudes" that will help us break out of dating's negative habits.
snip
2. My unmarried years are a gift from God.



In the radio broadcast on this topic I believe he used the words "Great blessing" It is not the whole book or article I disagree with. I just strongly disagree with this one section. I had to turn the radio off at that point because I was so enraged. Ron White has a bit about a tire going off just after he had it changed. He said "Sending me into a dimension of P.O. that I have never been before in my life." And that was about my reaction.

Ok, I see what you're saying.

I agree with him. But you obviously don't. Hence your post.

Sorry for butting in.

 

[silentpoet]

No offense sherri.

I agree with most of what he says. It is just that part he gets wrong that really bugs me. It is like Job's friends they get alot of truth right, but are wrong on a major point. Jesus and Paul both said being single is not for everybody. Jesus said, "...But only to him who it has been given." And I don't think this being single is of God. It leads me to hatred and bitterness. And it is very hard to overcome that. Now something good may indeed come out of the struggle against such pain, but the pain itself is not a good thing from God.

I think it must be like Job or Peter where the Devil asked permission to try and destroy them. Only I don't have their faith. Faith is not my spiritual gift. I am stubborn enough to keep plowing ahead, but I don't think that qualifies as faith. I lack the trust necessary to have solid faith. Because to be honest I have been let down alot. And an incident in my childhood really made it difficult for me to trust. So the trust that is the solid bedrock of faith is my weakest area. I see faith as being of two parts, one part is the positive expectation that God is at work, but more important is the trusting of God. And I actually probably am stronger at expecting God can do good than I am at trusting He will.

 

[bithiah2]

Did you even read my post? I flat out said that no person in themselves can complete anyone. But how many married people have you ever heard say that they were ok with the single part of their lives but couldn't imagine life without their husband/wife? Sounds like a completion in part to me. Sounds like you just want to argue. Our world isn't perfect and circumstances happen that make life difficult. I think there is a difference in being "content" and a difference in being happy. A person who has a job that only pays the bills and has been unable to find a better one might resign themselves to being "content" in the fact that they are employed but not really happy about the fact they don't have any capital to make thier life a little more enjoyable. And just like things can always be worse for another person they can always be better for anyone also. Frustration is a part of the game of life and some people are always going to have more or less than you. Life is more kind to some than others but until you've walked in those people's shoes under their circumstances I would refrain from critiquing them regarding their obligation to be "happy" under their circumstances. I dont think God ever called us to be happy in any particular circumstance and maybe that is not what you are suggesting but thats how it comes off lots of times when people make the statements that you have.

deliberatetourist:
i didn't come here to agrue with you, or with anyone else. my only purpose in posting here on christianforums.com is to encourage others. if you see what i posted as an incitement to argue then i am sorry that you feel so.
the Bible says that we are to be content, not me...i didn't write the Word, i just try to live by what i understand it to mean. life is full of ups and downs. i don't understand everything about life. but being continually miserable about the stage of life we are in will not change a thing. i'm sorry if you misunderstood what i said.
arguing in here is a waste of time, life is too short for me to participate in that spirit and i will not be a part of it.
blessings
bithiah2

 

[JPPT1974]

deliberatetourist:
i didn't come here to agrue with you, or with anyone else. my only purpose in posting here on christianforums.com is to encourage others. if you see what i posted as an incitement to argue then i am sorry that you feel so.
the Bible says that we are to be content, not me...i didn't write the Word, i just try to live by what i understand it to mean. life is full of ups and downs. i don't understand everything about life. but being continually miserable about the stage of life we are in will not change a thing. i'm sorry if you misunderstood what i said.
arguing in here is a waste of time, life is too short for me to participate in that spirit and i will not be a part of it.
blessings
bithiah2

Life is indeed full of ups and downs
And that the Bible says that we are
To be content either way
Meaning God will work wonders in us
I know that you are only trying to
Encourage others and you have encouraged me
for one
So please, don't let this get you down
Really we are nice people.