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Why me???

jenelis

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Why Me???

Hi everyone/anyone! I feel like my mini-world is crashing in on me and I need someone to listen and offer me their advice, preferably someone who's been in my situation.

I know its wrong to hate my ex-husband, but I still hate him. If he fell over dead, I think I would smile inside because he just causes me so much anger/pain and creates the need for damage control with my daughter.

He's very controlling; even after we've been divorced for almost 5 years. I divorced him on a Wednesday and on Thursday morning he got married again, then thursday night-- she gave birth to their baby. Now they have #2 (his #4).

He hasn't even seen my daughter in 2 months. He stands her up constantly or cancels his contact at the last minute leaving me with the inability to make plans because I never know what to expect. Well last contact (2 weeks ago), I had it with him. He sent me an email Friday morning saying he was changing where and when he was picking her up. So I waited until later the afternoon and told him I couldn't accomodate his schedule change and he's have to pick her up from the school: 6:00PM as normal. I went to the school, picked her up and waited for him to show which he didn't. We left about a quarter after from the school. He called a bit later and was really mad. I basically told him tough; deal with it since that's how he treats me.

So flash to 2 weeks later-- this weekend. I knew to expect retaliation, but wasn't sure what he would do. Since he made no contact with us, I decided not to contact him like i normally would do. So I went to the school and stayed in the back of the parking lot fully expecting to see him pick her up-- then I would know she was okay and I could go home. When I didn't see her or him, I thought I had missed them. So when there was only a few kids left, I pulled up just to verify he's picked her up. The school staff reports, no... she never even checked into the program for aftercare. Since the office was closed, I knew I could not verify their sign-out records. I called his cell 3 or 4 times and no answer. I called his house; same. At this point, the staff tells me to call the police. I agree, only because there's no sure way to confirm she's in his care.

The police were less than nice to me and all I did was tell them the truth-- that she's most likely with her dad, it is his weekend, but that she never checked in to the program, etc. A vice principal happened to show up and we were able to check the log book of sign-outs and she was not signed out. Eventually, the police were able to confirm she was indeed with her dad (which I felt she probably was).

So what now???? Do I go back to court again....

I just HATE the damage this is doing to my daughter. She is old enough to have figured him out and begs me not to make her go with him.

Please tell me what to do.

-Jennifer
 

cjba

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Don't let the emotion of hate comsume you. You are only responsible for your own actions. I know what he did was wrong and hurtful.

This may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but you need to forgive him. Once you forgive him you will be set free. You are continuing to allow your ex to have a hold of you by your emotions. Don't give him this previledge. He does not deserve such an authority. Once you let go of the hate you will be able to become you again and live and be the best person you can be for yourself and your children.

You are in my prayers. God Bless
 
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jenelis

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I understand and hear that I need to forgive from just about everyone who hears some of the always-continuing drama. I TRULY wish it would stop. But even forgiving him doesn't change the facts of what i have to endure-- which is just a silly dramatic form of harassment on his part.

I picked my daughter up tonite and didn't say a word to him, just basically "let's go baby" to my daughter. She told me that he signed her out of school and now she's missed a test. I just don't see how this is fair to her or me. I was worried and had 2 counties of cops all worked up over nothing.

I could use prayers to enable me to forgive and I PROMISE to try. I will pray for the strength I need.

-Jennifer
 
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Deborah6763

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The forgiveness part is for you, not him. It is about YOUR relationship with the Lord.

As for the logistics, you deserve to have legitimate boundaries in place. If you can afford it, please consult an attorney to see if there is anything you can do legally to get him to adhere to the boundaries established by the law. Taking your daughrter out of school unnecessarily is hurtful to her; if he cannot work for the best interests of your child, then perhaps boundaries need to be changed and visitation might be able to be more regulated. Be firm for the sake of your daughter.

and take care of yourself the best you can so you can be the mother your daughter needs.

Blessings!
 
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