Could you explain what gimmicks or needless dressing was added to the the Evangelical and Pentecostal services that you'd attended? (I never have been to a service of either group and, so, am very curious.)
Thank you!
SS
The best way I can put it is like this, most of my life the Gospel was presented as a sort of, "God did this for you, now it's your turn to do this for God" or "God made the initiative, now it's up to you".
Things like "Make a personal decision to follow Jesus" or "Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior" or "God accepts you, now come up to this altar and say this prayer and accept God" etc.
The emphasis was on what I was supposed to do, my choices, my decisions, my "yes". Salvation, God's grace, was fundamentally connected to my power of will, connected to my level of sincerity and "really meaning it".
As such I grew up deeply terrified of whether I was saved, whether I really was accepted by God or not. Because even though the words "by grace alone" were said, it was meant as, "God's grace alone, now you have to do this or say this and really mean it." But I had no idea what that meant, I had no idea what "meaning it" meant. How could I know my choice or my decision or my power to believe was sincere enough, what did that sort of sincerity look like?
And so in order to ensure that I really was sincere, I worked really hard to "feel" God. To put as much energy and effort into "worship" that I could, I wasn't just going to lift my hands during the music, I was going to really, really, really lift my hands up and try as hard as I could to mean it. I struggled really, really hard to pray that my sins would go away and the ones I really continued to struggle with would lessen or happen less often. I tried really, really hard to love God and to "feel" like I loved God.
And in every single case of all this whatever momentary feeling of elation I may have had, was counterbalanced by continuous failing, falling, sinning, and realizing that 99% of my day was not spent actively "loving God" (whatever I thought that meant at the time) but often I didn't even think
about God.
I was a sinner and I knew it. And every aspect of my church life which was manufactured specifically to make me feel "close to God" or "spiritual" only ever made me feel farther and farther away from God. And so I never felt the "freedom" I was told I was supposed to feel. I was not getting holier or better, I was not sinning less, I wasn't any more moral than I was the day before. I was a broken sinner helpless before a righteous and holy God, and no matter what I said, thought, or did I remained a broken sinner before this righteous and holy God.
And I was terrified.
As a Lutheran I now am equipped with language to understand what was going on back then. I was hearing Law confused as the Gospel, and the Law was doing what it's supposed to do--be a mirror that reveals that I am, indeed, a sinner before the good and just God who commands that I be good and just like Him; that I am not good and just and nothing I do makes me good or makes me just--and the harder I try, the more evident my lack of goodness and lack of justice becomes.
Doubly more important, that the pure, unfiltered Gospel of Jesus Christ is simply what God Himself has done in and through Jesus Christ for me, for you, for the whole world. Apart from me, completely independent of me, and this Gospel comes to me from outside myself, independent of my thoughts, my words, my will, or anything within me. It comes from God, as His gracious, compassionate, loving Word that says to me, "Christ died for you, Christ is risen from the dead, your sins are forgiven, you are well loved, and Christ is coming again, you have life forever." This promise is irrevocable, unbreakable, pure, unblemished, and completely trustworthy.
It's not up to me to make it apply to me. It's up to God who has said it is for me, for the whole world, for everyone. And it is, because God said it is. And that's good news.
-CryptoLutheran
