Why isn't it enough???

[hidesertrat]

It has been years since I have been here, but decided to see if maybe I couldn't get some answers. If you are able to go back an look up my old posts for this section, you will be able to find a history of my marriage and life. I will not get into all of that here, now, anyhow.

I read on these posts of Unequally-Yoked and most of them state something like: "My husband/wife believes in Christ but doesn't have a personel relationship with Him."

This is our situation, however, I am the one without the "personal" relationship.

I have no problem with going to church, praying, reading or whatever. However, I don't feel the need to rise my hands to the sky and ask for direction when deciding what to wear to work. (not that extreme, but you get the idea).

Why isn't this enough?

I am not here to tick anyone off, I truely am looking for answers. However, I am a bit bullheaded. Just ask my wife!

 

[Annessa3]

it's like watching life in black & white.... and then the Technicolor arrives.
(wow, that's such a Wizard of Oz post. )

faith

 

[Key]

It has been years since I have been here, but decided to see if maybe I couldn't get some answers. If you are able to go back an look up my old posts for this section, you will be able to find a history of my marriage and life. I will not get into all of that here, now, anyhow.

I read on these posts of Unequally-Yoked and most of them state something like: "My husband/wife believes in Christ but doesn't have a personel relationship with Him."

This is our situation, however, I am the one without the "personal" relationship.

I have no problem with going to church, praying, reading or whatever. However, I don't feel the need to rise my hands to the sky and ask for direction when deciding what to wear to work. (not that extreme, but you get the idea).

Why isn't this enough?

I am not here to tick anyone off, I truely am looking for answers. However, I am a bit bullheaded. Just ask my wife!

You go to church, read the bible, and pray... Hummm that sounds like "enough" for most, can't say I see the problem.

God Bless

 

[Annessa3]

HDR-
as I asked in the other thread- have you asked your wife what she wants/is looking for?
faith

 

[hidesertrat]

Key: One would think so, but not in this case.

Annessa3: LOL, have I asked her what she wants?!!?!? We have been married for 25 years now, I have brought it up many times. I am not sure I have ever gotten a clear picture of what it is. All I really know for sure, it isn't where ever I am at that time!!
She says things like, "Pray about it and God will tell you what I want, if you are willing to listen." Which is all good, but for two things. God seems to be happy with where I am and I haven't gotten anything back from Him telling me what my wife wants.
I guess it is these types of comments that kind of upset me, as it doesn't give me anything to go on and puts the responsibilty of finding out back on me. "If you are willing to listen" implies, if I don't hear or figure it out, it is because of me. My lack of faith or stubborness or something. However, if I ask her some other question she has no problem giving me her opinon or thoughts on the subject.

 

[xDenax]

She says things like, "Pray about it and God will tell you what I want, if you are willing to listen.

Sounds like she's playing a game and using her faith as an excuse to play it.

 

[hidesertrat]

xDenax: I have felt the same way. However, it is HER belief/faith! Much like the Pharises, she can justify her actions or dislikes by using the word, but somehow it is a warped version, at times.

When she says she learned something in the bible and I don't agree with it, or it sounds a little off. I will ask her to show me where it is written, so that I can read it for myself. We all know, there are verious translations of the written word. Majority of time, she will respond with, "If you are interested, than you find it." Of course, if I do look for it and can't find it, I will ask again and get the same reply. LOL It can be quite fun...NOT.

Because of all of this, it has caused me to turn away from the word more and more over the years. It is hard to live by something that you keep getting hit over the head with, even if it isn't in there to begin with.

 

[Annessa3]

Key: One would think so, but not in this case.

Annessa3: LOL, have I asked her what she wants?!!?!? We have been married for 25 years now, I have brought it up many times. I am not sure I have ever gotten a clear picture of what it is. All I really know for sure, it isn't where ever I am at that time!!
She says things like, "Pray about it and God will tell you what I want, if you are willing to listen." Which is all good, but for two things. God seems to be happy with where I am and I haven't gotten anything back from Him telling me what my wife wants.
I guess it is these types of comments that kind of upset me, as it doesn't give me anything to go on and puts the responsibilty of finding out back on me. "If you are willing to listen" implies, if I don't hear or figure it out, it is because of me. My lack of faith or stubborness or something. However, if I ask her some other question she has no problem giving me her opinon or thoughts on the subject.

Hi Rat-
I read this again, and I sincerely apologize. Of course you have asked. Please forgive me for my dumb question.

(I can't find the emoticon for tongue in cheek...) Perhaps a response to her 'pray about it and God will tell you what I want' could be I did, and God said He can't figure it out either and He wants you to answer.

more inna minute....

 

[dorig59]

xDenax: I have felt the same way. However, it is HER belief/faith! Much like the Pharises, she can justify her actions or dislikes by using the word, but somehow it is a warped version, at times.

When she says she learned something in the bible and I don't agree with it, or it sounds a little off. I will ask her to show me where it is written, so that I can read it for myself. We all know, there are verious translations of the written word. Majority of time, she will respond with, "If you are interested, than you find it." Of course, if I do look for it and can't find it, I will ask again and get the same reply. LOL It can be quite fun...NOT.

Because of all of this, it has caused me to turn away from the word more and more over the years. It is hard to live by something that you keep getting hit over the head with, even if it isn't in there to begin with.

I know its hard and, quite frankly, it sounds like she's being kinda annoying to me, but don't let her attitudes turn you away from the Lord. You're only hurting yourself that way. If you haven't already, just flat out say, "Look, either tell me what you think you want without playing stupid juvenile games, or be quiet about it.". Do you have any men friends within the Church that you could hang with a bit or chat with? Or something that would be funny would be to do something along the lines of saying "stop telling me how I'm supposed to be, I'M the 'spiritual leader' here!"

 

[mkgal1]

When you say that you are the one without the "personal relationship" with God....what does that mean to YOU?

When you read your Bible...is it just to be "in the know"? Or are there other reasons?

You mentioned raising hands....is your wife sort of judging your "relationship" based on enthusiasm, you think?

 

[Key]

alright., I think I figured out what the problem you're having here is.

She whats you to have guidance, direction, and confidence, that comes from a relationship with God.

Since you seem to act unknowing, confused, and directionless, in your marriage, she wants you to pray, read the bible, and seek an answer to where things should go. IE: She expects you to take charge as a Godly husband, in the foot steps of the lord.

So, with that in mind, my advice to you is to read the bible for about an hour a day (Start with the NT only) and take some time to see how the message applies to your everyday life.

Then, after a week, talk with your wife about a verse or chapter, and how you feel you can apply it to your everyday routine of life.

For example: Ephesians 4:26 do not let the sun set on your anger.

I used this when discussing things with my wife, this helped me bring up many long standing issues I had. To get them out in the open, and make them known and to move beyond them.

But you might want to bring up the whole of Ephesians, in fact, I encourage you to read a few dozen times, before you talk with your wife about it.

So, as best I can deduce, your wife is asking you to be the head of the house, in a spiritually good way.

Hope this helps.

God Bless

 

[TigerKanga]

It has been years since I have been here, but decided to see if maybe I couldn't get some answers. If you are able to go back an look up my old posts for this section, you will be able to find a history of my marriage and life. I will not get into all of that here, now, anyhow.

I read on these posts of Unequally-Yoked and most of them state something like: "My husband/wife believes in Christ but doesn't have a personel relationship with Him."

This is our situation, however, I am the one without the "personal" relationship.

I have no problem with going to church, praying, reading or whatever. However, I don't feel the need to rise my hands to the sky and ask for direction when deciding what to wear to work. (not that extreme, but you get the idea).

Why isn't this enough?

I am not here to tick anyone off, I truely am looking for answers. However, I am a bit bullheaded. Just ask my wife!

Pray for God to answer this question for you and listen for the answer as you go about your life.

 

[Annessa3]

I think Key may have ID'd the problem.

 

[Hebelievesinme]

I think it's enough to just love the Lord and serve Him to your best ability. You don't need to do what everyone else is...just go to Him as you and He will guide you.

 

[mkgal1]

^ ^ ^ Right. The greatest command is to "love the LORD with all your heart...mind and strength." It is our love HE desires above all.

 

[deep6sleep]

Your spiritual relationship with God is between you and your God.
If your wife has trouble with that, that is her problem. You are not responsible for her feelings. She sounds codependent, maybe an adult child of an alcoholic? JMHO...

Research characteristics of Codependents and read up on children of Alcoholics...After 20 years of trying to understand my wife's rabid fundamentalism it was recommended to me. Made all the difference in my understanding of some of the problems of unequally yoked. It may not be a religious issue at all. Best of Luck.

 

[bethrow]

If your wife is pushing you at all in anyway then she needs to stop. As Christians we are not to push, but to lead. When you ask questions she needs to be open to answer without getting defensive or angry. When you ask Why isn't it enough? Are you asking why it isn't enough for your wife or for God?
If you are going to church, praying, and reading the bible because you want to then that is certainly enough for God. If you are doing these things in order to please your wife then you need to stop. If she wants you to learn then she needs to guide you...if she wants you to listen then she needs to speak clearly.
Your relationship with God is your own...and noone elses. We are all different and perceive things differently...your path with God is not the same as your wife.

 

[savedbygracebre]

You said that she acts like one of the Pharisees of the Bible. Read what Jesus said about the Pharisees. He clearly stated several times that it is what is on the inside that makes someone spiritual-not on outward appearances! She needs to re-read the new testament. And my favorite verse of all time when I feel like I am being turned against and I'm tired of fighting is:
Romans 12:19
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.