Why is OCD so convincing?!

[stacii]

Here's me, who several days ago felt as though God was really using me on this site and in my daily life to hand out words of encouragement to those around me who are suffering. Now, I am nearly a wreck. I cannot take my own advice. In my heart, I know that this is not a reflection of me or my faith or my relationship with my husband or my desire to have a baby, but somehow my poor overworked brain remains unconvinced.

Adding fuel to the fire is this pregnancy. I am constantly worried that my worrying is going to hurt the baby to the point that I worry more...then as you all know from all of that excess worry comes doubt, confusion and fear. Normally, I can break the cycle, but I think right now my hormones are going crazy and are preventing me from making any progress.

I will say though, you all are an encouragement to me. I have been reading through a lot of old posts and it has become clear to me that I am not the only person on this board who at times has OCD under control and at other times can't sort through the mess. While I wish that everyone had OCD figured out all the time, I am grateful to know that I am not alone. God has blessed me so much through all of you, and I can' thank Him enough!

So I suppose I'm done whining. The main purpose of this thread was supposed to be me asking for prayer.

 

[gracealone]

Hey Stacii,
I know that "who am I to give advice" feeling where you beat yourself up because you can still be really overwhelmed by your own OCD from time to time. But, hey, that's what keeps us coming back here to not only seek prayers and encouragement but also to encourage others that they aren't alone in their struggles. We all have those times where we spiral down into a familiar habit with the thoughts and ruminations.. hard to stop once you've crossed a certain line.
You are probably right about the hormones affecting you
with the pregnancy. Have you told your Doc. that the OCD is worse right now? They may have some suggestions about adjusting your meds. for awhile.
Whine all you want... and I'll pray for you all the more.
Mitzi

 

[marcb]

Stacii,

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I was thinking just yesterday, "why can't I take my own advice?" I suppose if it were that simple, it wouldn't be a "disorder." I agree with Mitzi in that it keeps us coming back, both to this site and to humility and God's Grace. Arriving at humility that leads us to surrender and place everything in God's hands is the answer, but it's tricky to find humility without spiraling toward despair. I have improved thanks to God, but by no means have this all figured out.

As for your baby, yes, talk to your doctor and explain your anxiety. Please don't obsess about whether obsessing is hurting the little one.

Praying for you,

Marc

 

[gracechick]

Good advice. When I was pregnant in '05 my Dr said he would rather I have meds if I needed them during pregnancy rather then have a mother struggling with panic disorder.
Turned out I was one of those women who's hormones worked to my benefit...I actually felt better while I was pregnant then bfore in regards to PA's.

 

[SkyCloud]

One thing I'm discovering is that we have to stop the "figuring out" of this or that. I'm learning that you have to stop the "visiting" and "revisiting" of the mental situation. At least that's how I feel right now. In other words, I feel just about normal rather than feeling OCD-ish.

Read that scripture in the new testament that says, "Be careful (worrisome) for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God, and the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your minds and hearts through Christ Jesus". I think I got it pretty much right.

 

[skunkfeather]

((hugs))

 

[Buttermilk]

s and s for you

 

[gracealone]

Great Advice Skycloud,
It is the re-visting, re-thinking, ruminating, trying to solve the mental situations of OCD that make the problem worse. I try very hard not to scratch that "itch" when it starts or I end up with a spreading outbreak of extreme anxiety. Best to just let it alone.
God Bless,
Mitzi

 

[marcb]

One thing I am learning is that OCD seems to lie dormant, i.e., I can feel completely normal for a long time. Then, there's a trigger and the thoughts come back, maybe even a little stronger or different, but just enough to get my attention. Then I can catch myself reacting to the thoughts and relapsing into the cycle. It's almost as if the recovery process makes you a bit more vulnerable for a while, because the thoughts take a break and then become "newer" when they recur. Has anyone experienced this?

 

[stacii]

Marc,
That's exactly what I think has happened to me over the past few weeks. I can go for quite some time and practically forget about the OCD, but then something out of nowhere just brings it rushing back. Then, it is truly a struggle back to the top once again. The thing that really confuses me is sometimes, whatever it is that triggers my OCD, won't bother me at all other times. My husband and I refer to this phenomenon as "the perfect storm." Everything has to be just right for the OCD to come rushing back. I have to be in a certain frame of mind, in a certain mood and be triggered by a certain thing at a certain time and then it hits. And each time I need to remind myself that it's happened before because indeed, each time is a bit different.

 

[SkyCloud]

Marcb, in answer to your question: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And so on and so forth. You said it right, Marc. I couldn't have explained it better myself.

Dan

 

[marcb]

Thank you, Dan and Stacii.

I had a huge spike during church today. It was awful blasphemy attacking at every angle. Fortunately, God met me where I needed Him - in the sermon. Part of the sermon was about imitating Christ (as beloved children as Ephesians 5:1 puts it). Christ was self-less and a servant while amongst us. Getting preoccupied with obsessions is a bit selfish for me as I tend to put everyone and everything else in my life on hold as I try to "reason it out."

Trying to lose "self" and gain ALL,

Marc

 

[gracealone]

HI Marc,
I hear you. I had a bit of a bad day a couple days ago. It's so nice when you realize that you haven't been troubled for awhile with the thoughts, then something will happen to trigger them. They aren't quite as powerful as before but they can make me feel just off inside. Kind of like going through the day with a nagging headache, I manage to function even laugh and all, but there's this itch in my head that I want very badly to scratch... but I know if I do, I'll feel so much worse.
For now there are some mornings that I can get up and be able to think of other things and a couple of times I even forgot my meds. for a few hours. To me this is a wonderful blessing as I used to wake up every morning with dread as I was greeted by the spikes. It's like the sun streams in the room so warm and cheery you stretch yawn turn over and there on the pillow right next to you is the ugly face of OCD. "Hi, it says, remember me, lets get up and at it... time to begin obsessing, time to wake up and smell the misery, you've been slacking off sleeping." That is an awful place to be in and I'm so thankful not to be there any more.

 

[stacii]

I have often reflected on the fact the my depression and OCD are selfish. I mean, when I'm stuck in a rut, all I do is pretty much sit around and think about myself all day. It's so easy to neglect others around me - and I know that's wrong...

 

[tytyty9]

i think we all do that, im been finding myself to do that to. and it makes it doubt still more that god is in us. but its the disease. ur obsessing over it, not being selfish. remember that. ur just so obssessed with it ull come off being a little rude. dont worry, u arent