Why Is It....

[PrairieGurl]

...that when I start "feeling better", my husbands mood seems to "sink" Sometimes I just feel like "staying down", as this is when he is "stable (for lack of a better word) I'm just frustrated He seems to only react "negative" towards me ????!!!! With the boys, he's all ha ha and such.

 

[Alive again]

/don't know why, but it sure happens at my house also. For along time I thought it was because he fianlly felt safe to let down his guard so to speak, however, my hubby was recently diagnosesed as severely depressed, so maybe he was just ahnging in there until I was better or maybe I just didn;t notice his pain in the midst of all of mine. . .sigh. . .who knows, but I do know that thankfully God can handle it!

 

[PrairieGurl]

/don't know why, but it sure happens at my house also. For along time I thought it was because he fianlly felt safe to let down his guard so to speak, however, my hubby was recently diagnosesed as severely depressed, so maybe he was just ahnging in there until I was better or maybe I just didn;t notice his pain in the midst of all of mine. . .sigh. . .who knows, but I do know that thankfully God can handle it!

You know Alive again, I sometimes think my husband "reacts" as he does, because when I'm "down", I don't do ANYTHING, just sit on my corner of the couch like a zombie. When I am feeling better, I go out, see friends, try new things and such (you know). When I am down he always wants to do things with me, when I'm feeling better he doesn't Almost too confusing to think of at this time of night.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear WantToBe


Looking at your age and just guessing your husband's age, the CHANGE OF LIFE might be involved.


Since we only go around once and can not speak from experience when this happens in our life, the only thing we can do is try to reflect if you or your husband was different say a year ago.


The ONLY cure for this that I know of is PLENTY of SPACE.


WHILE LIFE GOES ON WE NEED TO REMEMBER:






X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[youthwalk]

I'm young and unmarried but I experienced something similar with my bf. When I stabilise it's like he shuts down and mopes, and get negative when all along he wa the Brianna pep rally leader. I've talked to my pdoc about it and with my bf about it and have figured out that it's anxiety and worry...he's not sure the stability will last and it shows in how apprehensive he gets. We've worked on it though so we can enjoy those times instead of worrying about when next I'll slip.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Dear WantToBe


Looking at your age and just guessing your husband's age, the CHANGE OF LIFE might be involved.


Since we only go around once and can not speak from experience when this happens in our life, the only thing we can do is try to reflect if you or your husband was different say a year ago.


The ONLY cure for this that I know of is PLENTY of SPACE.

Dear Wonderwaleye,

Because my mind is not all that "swift" at the moment...I didn't think of my husband going thru mid-life. (He'll be 47 on Saturday.) Unfortunately...a year ago I was what one might call, "not all there"

Maybe it's also because of the "mistakes" I've done thru out our married life that can have some bearing on it also.

Could be that it's one thing in life I may never find out about????!!! (one thing out of many)

"Plenty of space"...I just told my husband the other day that I'd just give him space, if he needs anything he can just "hollar". When I'm in a "down time he can dive me nuts asking, "what's the matter" but I find, when I'm in that state I just want to be left alone...so I do this when he acts this way.

 

[angelkiss]

My hubby does the same thing. But, he's not just that way when I'm feeling up, he's that way all the time. He's not so negative about everday things, just my illness. He always has something to say when it's better left unsaid. I did address the situation to him a few nights ago. He basically makes a joke of me and this illness and I let him know it's not a laughing matter.
For example: When I'm in a blah mood and he calls me, he usually asks when I'm going to get manic again..........That hurts for not only does it make me feel worse, it also makes me feel that he doesn't care what happens to me. I brought to his attention the fact that my manic episodes are actually more dangerous than my downspells. This is something I have told him time and time again for the past two years. He still don't get it.
My hubby works away and is gone more than he is here, and when he is home and I need his support, I actually get more feedback from my wall.
So, on the aspect of negativity, I feel ya!! But, as for an answer, I have no clue. I don't know how easy your hubby is to talk to. Mine, when I do talk to him, his eyes are too focused on the TV or his mind is too busy trying to think of what HE wants to say and not absorbing the things I am saying. Therefore, I come here or I write it in a journal.
What's really frustrating: When I'm feeling up, he usually wants to talk about things better left unsaid........................When I need to talk, he never listens. I just dunno!
I'll be praying for you!
God Bless!
's and es!!

 

[PrairieGurl]

So, on the aspect of negativity, I feel ya!! But, as for an answer, I have no clue. I don't know how easy your hubby is to talk to. Mine, when I do talk to him, his eyes are too focused on the TV or his mind is too busy trying to think of what HE wants to say and not absorbing the things I am saying. Therefore, I come here or I write it in a journal.
What's really frustrating: When I'm feeling up, he usually wants to talk about things better left unsaid........................When I need to talk, he never listens. I just dunno!

Angelkiss...My man doesn't like to talk about "real" issues...he's much better talking about sports, money (believe me he's an expert at that topic ) and how he hates his job and I should get back to work He really is a good communicater with these topics and it does bond him and our older son. Unfortunately...this leaves our 2nd son out in the cold.

Yes, I relate to the TV thing...I'm weird in that I want someone to look at me when they or I am talking.

I truely am blessed with a good man..(just putting up with me is a major chore)...I guess if everything were perfect....we'd be in Heaven. Sometimes I would like to chose my faults along with others.

Thanks for sharing. It is good to know others understand and are praying.

 

[walshclan]

My hubby used to do the same thing when my bp was new and we didn't know what to expect. Whenever I felt good he'd have a stress attack and be needing some TLC and I felt gypped. It was like he was in a competition with me to see who could be more sick or something.

So I asked him about it. He said it was nothing like that. It was just that he had to be so "on" while I was sick. With the kids with me with the bills with the laundry with everything that when I finally felt better he finally had the time to get sick and feel the stress that had been building up. The year I was really sick he didn't get sick at all but when I started getting better he got sick quite a bit. He wasn't used to being the strong one in the family so it was hard for him.

 

[raylenar]

Just letting you know one more person is concerned and caring. I have been recently diagnosed but have been going through the symptoms for many years. I have been having similar problems with my husband. So I am just giving him his space as well. I used to try to get him to talk to me, but that just made things worse. I think maybe he doesn't really know what's going on. I think that maybe he is just worn out from everything he's gone through with me. He's afraid of the disease, not yet able to develop strategies with me to manage it. I think he's afraid of another "spell", and doesn't want to let his guard down. He's had to be so strong for me, but he is only human. He is also in a little bit of denial of his own issues that he's never really dealt with. Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Take care.

 

[berry2000]

I've found that my husband tends to hold in all his emotions until he feels I am "okay" then he finally feels it is safe enough to release his negativity. Not sure if this is the case just food for thought. Also perhaps he craves and is used to the negativity so much so he becomes uncomfotable when you are feeling good and just tries to make up for it. Don't know just know you are never alone! And when you are feeling good despite how your family reacts it is a good thing!

 

[PrairieGurl]

Thanks SO much for all your replies!

I really need to learn compassion and patience towards my husband. Today the way he spoke to me...I reacted very negatively (after I left the room) As I was driving away, I asked the Lord to forgive me and help me "tone my reactions down"

Many times I think I have "put him through so much" I deserve to be treated like he treats me It's just a confusing time for me

Any s would be GRATFULLY appreciated !!!