Since Love was just mentioned (thanks btw) let's talk about it for a moment as well.
The best definition I can find for biblical Love after about 8 or 9 years of deep study is...putting another above yourself in an act of humility creating a covenant whose intent/purpose is reconciliation/restoration.
I hope it is clear how this applies to how God is Loving you, you seem to get that. But I'm not sure you see how it applies to your Loving God. At least from what I can gather from your posts. Your whole focus is on yourself as per your posts. You want to avoid hell, you want to go to heaven, etc. But those are all self centered things. See, Love begins by humbling ourselves before God. This is an act of brokenness for the sins committed. It is to remove the "I" from your sight and instead focus on the desire to reconcile with God all that has been keeping you apart. In fact, you talk about wanting to "feel" saved, well, this is how it happens, you first humble yourself enough to know that you need and want reconciliation with God more than you want to avoid hell or to go to heaven. When you grasp this, when you learn that God is about life and not heaven or hell, you discover that He is working within you to perfect your faith and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. This working, this change of desire, this ever more righteous life, is the very evidence or guarantee of salvation that you are seeking. It begins by seeking to reconcile with God all that you have done that is keeping you from Him.
How do I quit making it about personal gain? I have been praying that God would humble me.
May you see with spiritual eyes what your fleshly eyes cannot see. May your grasp just how high and deep and wide His Love is and in that revelation, desire to reconcile with Him, not for your gain, but for the sheer beauty that is God.