I was raised a Christian in the United Methodist Church. My religion became very important to me as a young child and teenager. I was very active in my church, prayed daily, and talked with others about my faith. I believed I was "saved."
I was wrong. I was not "saved" nor am I now. I started to have doubts later on, but brushed these doubts aside at first. Though, as a young adult, I see know that I became less religious, stopped praying as much as I did, not attending church regularly ( I would sometimes go through long periods without going and sometimes I would go regularly in spurts).
As a married thirty-something and adult I had become more and more drawn to Christianity and the church, especially now that we are starting to plan our family.
I notice how our culture is becoming more decadent. And with it, society is becoming less religious and less Christian. As Christians, I am sure you are very aware of this. It concerned me, and still does, very much. It's really sad. But the saddest thing of all is watching Christianity becoming like the culture around it. Instead of Christianity changing the world, the world is changing Christianity.
These things made me doubt my faith again, and I had a new more mature look at what I believed, studying theology and reflecting on a broad range of issues. I refused to brush away doubts. I needed to be firm in my faith and be really serious this time.
Mostly after reading this "sermon" (google "Diversity, not Jesus, saves says Presiding Bishop
Diversity, not Jesus, saves says Presiding Bishop") I decided that I should be either a Southern Baptist or a Roman Catholic (I know, in many ways they are polar opposites). I came to that decision because I sincerely questioned what was true, not what felt right to me or what I seemed to just prefer. I wanted to do what was right. But by that time I had already joined a Southern Baptist congregation and was happy.
I never stopped, however, my inquiry into whether what I professed to believe is true. I kept an open mind, all the while really wanting to believe in Jesus. At one point I really wanted to even become Roman Catholic.
I stopped wanting to believe in Jesus when I discovered that both the SBC and the RCC took up a political stand (not theological) that I found I could not in good conscience support. The political issue is immigration. Both churches are supporting the replacement of this countries founding stock, massive third world immigration, and the non-enforcement of immigration law.
It has been devastating for me. On one hand, it doesn't seem right that I should abandon my faith because of political decisions of the churches, one that I believe is partly (or mostly) due to self-serving interests. But this was enough to disillusion me. The churches and Christianity as a whole, who I looked up to and so desperately wanted to believe in, are enemies with me and Western civilization as a whole. This was what made me finally admit to myself that this was a sham. I can no longer justify the leap of faith that I so eagerly wanted to do. I am now an atheist.
