Why don't women understand!

[msjones21]

That is true, that is why I mentioned there is a fine line between possessiveness and acting out of genuine concern. Some men take that to an extreme and that is not edifying to Christ, nor is it a part of His plan.

 

[LadyBird]

Why don't women understand that a close male freindship is detrimental to your relationship with your signifigant other. I'm completely convinced now, that the reason my ex left me was because the doubts she started having were related to the guy she was getting to be very close friends with. She went and did things we had agreed not to do. She never cheated on me, but we had a no alone time polocy with freinds of the oposite sex, and she totaly threw that out the window! They spent more time together than she and i did. Now would you believe it or not, three weeks after we break up they are getting together. If she would have followed the rules we had agreed to and heeded my warnings of getting to close to this guy this never would have happend! She left me because her doubts spawned because she was emotionaly bonded to another man. What woman out there is trustworthy? Where is there a woman whom i can have faith in. I want someone i can count on forever. She was perfect for me. God's true blessing in my life, but she left me unintentionaly for another man. She was just too blind and nieve to see it comming. Oh Lord in all your creation can you show me one woman who will listen to her mans warnings, who will respect and honor him in everything. I died for her as Christ died for the church. I offered my life, just as Christ did to this woman. Why did she not honor me as the bible commands? Oh Lord show me a woman who will love me as i know i can love them. Please Lord relieve my pain, and show me this woman. I am ready to marry, and i know it is your will for me. Please don't let my desires go unanswered. Please give me this woman who is worthy of diying for. Lord I love you more than anything, but I ask for another to share my life with that I can share yours and my love with. Lord I plead with to answer these requests. In your mighty name.... Amen.

No offence, but those "rules" are totally ridiculous. If you love someone and trust them, there is no need to have silly rules like that. I can see if you are married...and if your husband/wife is going out on dates with another person who they just met on the street. I would seriously consider breaking up with my boyfriend if he told me I was not allowed to spend alone time with my guy friends.

My boyfriend is my best friend but besides him, I have another really close guy friend. He has slept over at my house before and nothing has happened. Him and I spend lots of time together and I feel NOTHING for him. I have never and will never have romantic feelings towards him.

Sure, sometimes people have a friend of the opposite sex who they may be attracted to when they have a S.O and they may break up with their S.O. to be with that other person. Sometimes that does happen. But it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and feel nothing for them.

I think that your ex always had romantic feelings towards this other guy and she probably had doubts about the two of you long before her broke up. I agree with piggytail:

Jealousy is an ugly, ugly trait. THAT is probably what drove your girlfriend away--not her friendship with another man.

Wonderfully said! And

This says it all, I do believe. You are twenty years old. I assume you're not married, and since you are not married, you should NOT be "served and honored." Until you put a ring on a woman's finger, she is not required to submit to you.

If my boyfriend was like that "you must serve and honor me" we would not be together. When we get married, yes, I will subit to him.

I find your post very offensive; what makes you think that it is just women who do that sort of thing? Men do the exact same thing too. It is 50/50. It is true, some "friend" relationships can be detrimental to your relationship with your S.O. but for goodness sake, it is not just women who do it. Men do it too and some men don't understand that either. Men "break rules and don't follow warnings" too you know.

 

[evita]

Why don't women understand that a close male freindship is detrimental to your relationship with your signifigant other. I'm completely convinced now, that the reason my ex left me was because the doubts she started having were related to the guy she was getting to be very close friends with. She went and did things we had agreed not to do. She never cheated on me, but we had a no alone time polocy with freinds of the oposite sex, and she totaly threw that out the window! They spent more time together than she and i did. Now would you believe it or not, three weeks after we break up they are getting together. If she would have followed the rules we had agreed to and heeded my warnings of getting to close to this guy this never would have happend! She left me because her doubts spawned because she was emotionaly bonded to another man. What woman out there is trustworthy? Where is there a woman whom i can have faith in. I want someone i can count on forever. She was perfect for me. God's true blessing in my life, but she left me unintentionaly for another man. She was just too blind and nieve to see it comming. Oh Lord in all your creation can you show me one woman who will listen to her mans warnings, who will respect and honor him in everything. I died for her as Christ died for the church. I offered my life, just as Christ did to this woman. Why did she not honor me as the bible commands? Oh Lord show me a woman who will love me as i know i can love them. Please Lord relieve my pain, and show me this woman. I am ready to marry, and i know it is your will for me. Please don't let my desires go unanswered. Please give me this woman who is worthy of diying for. Lord I love you more than anything, but I ask for another to share my life with that I can share yours and my love with. Lord I plead with to answer these requests. In your mighty name.... Amen.

I think that most of the time girls need someone to talk to who understands. If we are lucky that man is/becomes our husband, and that's the way it should be. However, there are times when a guy comes around that really understands you and you are involved with another. It really sucks for the other person, but it goes both ways as well. I'm sorry that she hurt you Koop. And don't think that you are the only one who has gone through this. I gave my heart away and it came back a crushed blob, but God is making it better, and he will mend yours as well.

Think about it this way, would you want to be with this girl if she thinks so highly for this other guy? For the longest time I wanted the guy I was seeing back, and it really hurt me when he told me he found a really good godly women, etc. It really made me want to vomit, but now I can see the flaws in him, and keep reminding myself that God has someone better out there for me, and he has the perfect girl for you too!

 

[SirKenin]

I can't resist adding my two cents. Or 1.65968 cents USD. lol. How do you like that?

The way I see it, Partner A should have total freedom to do whatever they want in the relationship. Partner B should have no right to control what that person does. Attempting to tell them that they should not spend one-on-one time with their friend is a form of control.

Now, with that said, I believe that Partner A has the obligation to respect Partner B if they are in a serious, committed, loving relationship. (otherwise, it's time to jump ship). If Partner B does not like the fact that they are spending too much time with a person of the opposite sex, Partner A should theoretically respect their feelings and make an effort to find a compromise.

Should Partner A fail to make an effort to compromise, Partner B always has the right to exercise his or her option to act in his or her own best interests. That would include either making an attempt to achieve a compromise or leaving the relationship.

Never should either partner attempt to enforce their view of what the relationship should be like on the other person. Never should either partner attempt to control their partner.

 

[LadyBird]

drfeelgood is on a roll today...yet another great post!

 

[SirKenin]

tyvm. I really appreciate positive comments and the reputation you left. I can only hope that someone will benefit from what I have learned without having to go through what I went through to learn it.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Question. Did you serve and honor her? Twice you have mentioned that you deserve it and that to a point she did it. But did you ever serve and honor her? I've heard for most of my life that a relationship should be 50/50. But that's completely wrong. You must be willing to give everything you have and more.

Because of what one woman did, do not be bitter against all. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. We live 500 miles apart. My 2 best friends (other then him) are guys. I see them more in one week then I've seen my beloved in our entire relationship. However, I'm still devoted to him. I still love him to death. I still want to marry him. I'm still winlling to give him everything I have. This woman was apparently not meant for you at this point in time. Maybe later, she will be. God works in mysterious ways. But don't be bitter towards other women for one woman's mistake. In your post, it sounds like you are. Be open. Let God guide you.

 

[Grommit]

I strongly agree with you. I don't think God intended us to have intimate relationships with those of the opposite sex other than your spouse when you get married. If you think about it, it only makes sense--IMO

god speed~!

Wow. It's nice to know there are young women who actually think this way. It gives me hope. Thanks.

 

[Koop]

I think some of you are misunderstanding a few things. We both agreed to these "rules". I wasn't pushing them or anything. They were decided upon mutualy.

Lizzy4Christ. She still claims that I was wonderful to her and that her leaving had nothing to do with me. I feel i served and honored her to the best of my abuilaty.

Drfeelgood, I agree with the control thing. I simply reminded her of the rules WE had set. We had an ask first polocy about spending alone time. We both always said yes. She stopped asking however. I never demanded she stop spending time with him or anything.

How did this thread get so far off topic? It's not about what people should do in this situation. It's about how i was hurt, and how can i move on and become trusting again. I'm sorry for generalising in my post about women as well. Also please note that i never made a claim that men don't or haven't done it too. I already stated that i'm sure there are women who don't do such things. Please either read all the posts or please listen to when people apologise or change their statments. Arg i wish never would have posted this. Why do things like this have to get so out of hand all the time?

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Koop, we've tried to be helpful. There are other people who have faced the same thing or similar things. There is nothing wrong with sharing advise.

And this thread hasn't gotten off topic.

 

[GodBoy809]

You know, not all women are like this. Some men are just the same way.

agreed.

...sry, i cant really think of anything to say.

 

[erinm]

thank you Grommit,
god helps me think like that, hehe

 

[Koop]

Koop, we've tried to be helpful. There are other people who have faced the same thing or similar things. There is nothing wrong with sharing advise.

And this thread hasn't gotten off topic.

I'll aplogise up front here. This is a rough issue for me an i have taken it a might bit too seriously. I agree most of the posters in here have been genuinly trying to help and a lot of great things have been said. Thank you too all of you who are simply trying to help. I really aprecieate it. When i am attacked and blmaed and judged, though, that isn't helping. I can take critizism, but only provided that there is some sort of basis behind it. I was not awfended by you (Lizzy for Christ) askiing if i had honored her at all. It was a legitimate question and a thoughtful one at that. The point to be made there is you asked a question. You did not say she left you because you didn't honor her. Thanks for being respectufl.
As for the thread being off topic. I guess we just have diffrent views of what the topic is. This certainly wan't my intended topic when i created the thread. I supose the topic is then altered or redefined by every post in a way so i guess you could say it's not off topic. I look at the topic as the author of the threads intended topic. Like i said before, I was not looking for what i did wrong or what she did wrong or why the relationship ended or anything. My intent was for it to be about rebuilding trust, and developing faith in the oposite gender again. I wasn't looking for advice really at all. More than anything i was venting and i guess that's why most of the original post was in the form of a prayer. I guess what i learned from this is not to vent to an open forum. My lesson learned and my mistake. Feel free to discus whatever you all want in this thread. I"ll keep following it no matter where it goes.
Again thanks to everyone who has been suportive and/or trying to help. Some of you have really helped. Thank you and bless you.

 

[msjones21]

*hugs Koop*

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

It's Lizzi. Not Lizzy

It's hard not to give advice.

I think many women here, including myself, were offended with what you said, because it appeared you were attacking us. It also appeared you were putting the blame soley on this girl without looking that you may have been the problem as well. That's why this thread went where it did.

 

[Koop]

I hear ya. I guess it's easy to see how one could get that. It's just totaly not how it was intended. Sorry for the confusion. And with the whole blame thing.... I blamed myself for everything for about a month and a half as things started going down hill. But she, my friends and many others have assured me i didn't do anything wrong. I still feel i must have done something wrong, I can't place all the blame on her. I don't know though. I can honestly say i wasn't really very jealous. I was a copule times and that's when i "warned her". I just let her know how i was feeling and what i saw her doing was doing to our relationship. I really trusted her a lot even after she seemed to abandon the rules we had set. In a lot of ways i feel like maybe i should have done more to fight for her. I guess she just wasn't ready to commit all she was to me. I'm doing my best to not be bitter twards her. I know she never intended to hurt me. I'd be liying if i said part of me wasn't upset with her, but i have forgvien her and am doing my best to let it go.

Sorry about the name too lizzi!

Last of all I do accept some blame to why this thread went where it did. I'm sorry I didn't understand why before. I do now and I'm sorry. I guess i still feel it wasn't all my fault. As i said earlier lizzi, I think you were very respectufl and brought up a good question. I just wish everyone would be so understanding and respectful. I understand how i provoked what i got though. Thanks for being a big person!
EDIT: and patient

 

[Lecarde]

I understand man, I really do. My Ex-Fiance and I broke up in a similar situation. She had spoken to one of her ex-boyfriend's and felt like she still had some feelings for him, even though she would never date him again. He treated her like complete cr*p, its hard for me to understand why she still had feelings for him. I loved her with all of my heart and mind. I thought we were truly meant to be together for our lifetimes. But it just wasn't meant to be. It can be hard to understand what God wants to say when you have such strong feelings for someone. Love is amazing and can be volatile at times, especially with humans. If this is what happened, just trust that God has a better match for you in the future. Better times are ahead.

 

[natgirl2002]

trustworthy woman right here *raises her hand*

 

[Micaiah]

Koops,

Don't know you, but as another male member of the human race who has experienced the same things, my heart goes out to you. I get the impression from what I read that you are a genuine person who is seeking to honour God, and obey His will for your life and future relationships. Can I encourage to always keep that perspective. Use this time to get to know Him better and reaffirm his prominence in your life.

I disagree with those who have scoffed at some of the things put in place to protect your relationship. I was astounded at some of the callous remarks, and even an intimation that you had an intimate relationship with the girl. From what I could gather there was no hint of that and such comments were way out of order.

It is the devils lie to misrepresent attemps to safeguard a relationship as being domineering and controlling. If you seriously want to honour God in life and marriage, be sure to find someone who shares you enthusiasm, and appreciates your attempts to follow Him.

I liked the way that you agreed on some guide lines for relationships with the opposite sex. Scripture plainly teaches that the man is to be the head of the home, but that should be worked out in a spirit of love and consideration. I guess we blokes do not really understand how a woman feels when she is about to commit her life to someone. There must be a degree of foreboding for the chrisitan woman as she prepares to lose her independence.

I agree with comments we should be careful to remember that a fiance is not a wife, and adjust our expectations accordingly. Even after getting married, it takes some time to settle down and work out the roles God has intended. Don't know about you, but I don't like people bossing me around or trying to restrict my freedom, particularly if I suspect they don't really care about me. The golden rule 'do to others...' is a good one to remember.

 

[desi]

Koop I think women do understand, they just play dumb sometimes. If you started having close female friends she'll probably wise up.