Let me give you the context. I was recently diagnosed with autism, so it might explain why I was feeling so scared and confused in the following situation:
A little over two years ago, I made the dumb mistake of Facebook messaging the brother of a girl at my church (this brother is actually studying in another country) because I wanted to ask him what to do about my anxiety issues revolving around his sister. All he would say is give her space, then he just stopped replying to me. Then the anxiety shifted to be about worrying why he wouldn't respond to me. I just wanted at least one word of reassurance and he just acted like he didn't care. After about six months later, all he tells me is to stop communicating with him and he only finally responded because my pastor intervened.
Also, I've never opened up about anything to anyone before, I never had close friends (I have no siblings), I was never close with anyone, not even my parents (my dad is my only living close relative), much less even with God (in fact, I had no prayer life), so to make myself vulnerable like that to another person, especially another Christian, and then get rejected like that was very hurtful. Although other Christians tried to reach out to me, the rejection of that one person made it feel as though the acceptance of others didn't really count.
I'm still tempted to communicate with this guy again, but instead of seeking reassurance, I feel like I just want an apology. I've actually already sent him a forgiveness email, but as usual, he didn't reply. I really want to let this go and I find that praying about it does seem to keep the resentment at bay, but then it just seems to come back with a vengeance. Ironically, I don't really pray much and this seems to be the only thing that drives me to prayer. I wish this wasn't the only thing I actually prayed about and that I actually knew other people well enough so I could pray about them instead of only praying for myself and this guy who hurt me. I'm a 31 year old trapped in a teenage-looking body (due to Kallmann syndrome), live with my dad, I can't find a job, and my anxiety and autism issues doesn't really make it that easy to just go out at meet new people.
I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to being hurt at church and struggling with resentment that just won't seem to go away. Is this normal? Or maybe my autism and tendency to obsess is just making it more difficult that it is for normal people?
A little over two years ago, I made the dumb mistake of Facebook messaging the brother of a girl at my church (this brother is actually studying in another country) because I wanted to ask him what to do about my anxiety issues revolving around his sister. All he would say is give her space, then he just stopped replying to me. Then the anxiety shifted to be about worrying why he wouldn't respond to me. I just wanted at least one word of reassurance and he just acted like he didn't care. After about six months later, all he tells me is to stop communicating with him and he only finally responded because my pastor intervened.
Also, I've never opened up about anything to anyone before, I never had close friends (I have no siblings), I was never close with anyone, not even my parents (my dad is my only living close relative), much less even with God (in fact, I had no prayer life), so to make myself vulnerable like that to another person, especially another Christian, and then get rejected like that was very hurtful. Although other Christians tried to reach out to me, the rejection of that one person made it feel as though the acceptance of others didn't really count.
I'm still tempted to communicate with this guy again, but instead of seeking reassurance, I feel like I just want an apology. I've actually already sent him a forgiveness email, but as usual, he didn't reply. I really want to let this go and I find that praying about it does seem to keep the resentment at bay, but then it just seems to come back with a vengeance. Ironically, I don't really pray much and this seems to be the only thing that drives me to prayer. I wish this wasn't the only thing I actually prayed about and that I actually knew other people well enough so I could pray about them instead of only praying for myself and this guy who hurt me. I'm a 31 year old trapped in a teenage-looking body (due to Kallmann syndrome), live with my dad, I can't find a job, and my anxiety and autism issues doesn't really make it that easy to just go out at meet new people.
I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to being hurt at church and struggling with resentment that just won't seem to go away. Is this normal? Or maybe my autism and tendency to obsess is just making it more difficult that it is for normal people?
