Why does it keep coming back?

[stacii]

I'm on what I would guess is about my 7th or 8th cycle of OCD. As many of you know, this disorder tends to wax and wane, and I am back to struggling, after a considerable hiatus.

Why, after my previous recovery, and knowing what I do about the nature of OCD, am I suffering again? I am familiar with this illness, and its lack of actual importance on my eternal salvation, my feelings toward my family or my life in general. Nonetheless, it has me again. I am doubting, questioning and panicking about everything.

I guess I'm just frustrated....I want to feel confident in my faith and certain about my life choices.

 

[John B Jr.]

I know it's rough

 

[zingiber]

What can we say? It is OCD! It is not a logic problem, but a brain problem. If you have the flu, it doesn't go away when you think "Why am I getting the flu again? I know its effects on my health, and its actual importance on life. I know it won't kill me - why am I still getting it?". No mocking or any sort of offence intended - sorry, I just thought it read well!!!

OCD is not a problem that goes away when fought with logic (mind), because it deals with emotion. This is important to realise, because then you know that fighting it with logic isn't going to work - Fighting OCD with logic is like trying to use a hammer to pin down a ghost. You instead need to prove it wrong in an emotional (felt, experienced) manner. ERP does the trick, or just allowing the thoughts to remain and letting yourself habituate to their presence.

In essence, you need the emotional, experientally gained knowledge, not head knowledge to fight OCD. Passive resistance is best - make peace, not war.

I hope you get better soon; it really is horrible being in the midst of OCD. I also am having a really hard time, so I know how you feel. Once you are out, you always feel like you will never fear again, but then the next bout of OCD comes along. Ah, well. At least we know it will end some day!

 

[gracealone]

I'm on what I would guess is about my 7th or 8th cycle of OCD. As many of you know, this disorder tends to wax and wane, and I am back to struggling, after a considerable hiatus.

HI Stacii,
I'm so sorry you're feeling rotten again.
I understand how frustrating it is to think... "OK I've got this thing figured out now so I'm not gonna let it get a hold of me again." I've thought that too, but then it will creep back in.
My take on this is that it's not triggered by our having faulty thinking patterns but instead it's ignited by the chemical imbalance. First the chemical imbalance flares up and we feel this free floating anxiety. So our brain is in an overly prepared alert mode. Then the thought pops in there and our brain clamps down on it because it needs something to chew on. It's not your fault that this happens it's only because you have a faulty alarm system that gets out of whack from time to time.
It's better to expect that this can happen than to assume it won't. When it happens to me I acknowledge that my brain is misfiring and that is what's causing me to feel anxious about the thoughts. Still.... "BUMMER!!" Then I begin to practice ERP, remembering that to fight the thoughts will only make me feel worse.
Also, see what you can do to minimize your stress level. Eat frequent small meals, get plenty of exercise, make sure you're getting adequate sleep, practice relaxation techniques. In other words use every proven strategy that you know of to manage the disorder until it settles down.
I guess I'm just frustrated....I want to feel confident in my faith and certain about my life choices.

I can totally relate to this. It really stinks to have our comfort taken away by the OCD for a season. But feeling confident about our faith isn't as important as choosing to walk in faith. We can still follow, serve and obey our Savior even when our OCD makes us feel abandoned - and when we do so we are actually demonstrating that we have faith.
CS Lewis:
"Obedience is the key to all doors; feelings come (or don't come) and go as God pleases. We can't produce them at will, and musn't try."
Especially when we are afflicted with a disorder that messes with our feelings.
"Sigh...."
I'm praying for you,
Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

Powerful post Zingiber!
Mitzi

What can we say? It is OCD! It is not a logic problem, but a brain problem. If you have the flu, it doesn't go away when you think "Why am I getting the flu again? I know its effects on my health, and its actual importance on life. I know it won't kill me - why am I still getting it?". No mocking or any sort of offence intended - sorry, I just thought it read well!!!

OCD is not a problem that goes away when fought with logic (mind), because it deals with emotion. This is important to realise, because then you know that fighting it with logic isn't going to work - Fighting OCD with logic is like trying to use a hammer to pin down a ghost. You instead need to prove it wrong in an emotional (felt, experienced) manner. ERP does the trick, or just allowing the thoughts to remain and letting yourself habituate to their presence.

In essence, you need the emotional, experientally gained knowledge, not head knowledge to fight OCD. Passive resistance is best - make peace, not war.

I hope you get better soon; it really is horrible being in the midst of OCD. I also am having a really hard time, so I know how you feel. Once you are out, you always feel like you will never fear again, but then the next bout of OCD comes along. Ah, well. At least we know it will end some day!

 

[John B Jr.]

 

[kaykay9.0]

Like zingiber said so well, it comes back because it's OCD. Maybe this is a stupid example or TMI but today I noticed I had dandruff again after not having it in several years. My teen-age son also frequently had dandruff, and he would always say why can't there be something that cures it. I would tell him just use the dandruff shampoo and it will go away. He would respond that yes, he knew that, but he wanted a PERMANENT cure. Well, again, maybe this is a sorry example, but it's the same with OCD. We want permanent respite from it and I personally am believing for that but until then...I just try to do what I know to battle it when it rears its ugly head. Praying for you, Stacii~~

 

[shelovesChrist]

I am doubting, questioning and panicking about everything. Try not to. Sometimes I feel like I don't give myself enough credit for handling this well or God for keeping me through the midst of it all. For anyone who loves God truly and His ways, it's hard for that person to be filled with thoughts against Him. Like it's frustrating and hard. My worst fear in life used to be to fail God and these thoughts had me believing once that I did, and even though I'm saved know and I know have eternal life with Him (which is amazing), it still doesn't mean it's not going to be frustrating handle sometimes you know. But God is proud that you didn't let these thoughts stop you from loving Him. 8 cycles and you're still going and moving and growing in your faith!

Jeremiah 33: 6 Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.

Keep praying, praising, and believing. Praise be to God! He is our light in times of darkness. He stays on shift 24/7, never leaving or forsaking us.

 

[stacii]

Thanks a lot for everyone's support! I am up and down still, struggling a bit, but optimistic and hopeful. I am trying to distract myself and stay positive.

Kay Kay - I liked the dandruff analogy

I once again started some of old CBT and ERT exercises that have worked for me in the past, and I've opened up dialogue with my doctor about possibly taking medication again. Knowing that I've taken steps in the right direction has helped a little.

It definitely is a weird cycle, because when I start to feel the OCD coming on again I'm like "I cannot believe this. I am NOT doing this again. I am NOT going through it again." Which, as we all know, only strengthens the OCD. But it's hard not to fight the initial onset and shock that at it is happening again, practically out of nowhere.

What an annoying illness...

 

[shelovesChrist]

Philippians 4: 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

It's better to fall ten times and rise up against ten times, then fall once and stay down. It's annoying but just try your best not to let it get you too down. Praying for you =]

 

[annrobert]

I want to feel confident in my faith and certain about my life choices.

Be confident in Jesus

Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

Jesus said he that believeth on Me has everlasting life

place your faith in Jesus and not in your faith

Jesus is full of mercy and compassion and He understands and is touched by our weakness

Jesus understands and cares and is Mighty to save

Jesus makes us grow as we abide in Him through prayer and bible reading

Jesus will never lose one of His sheep out of His hand

 

[zingiber]

ShelovesChrist - I know this is possibly a littlr out of context, but it dovetails well with your message!

Proverbs 24:16a (NIV). For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.

 

[seymourfaith]

I can relate! I was diagnosed w/OCD when I was 9 and thanks to God and medication, it waned from about age 15 til now. I am now 28 and a year ago slowly weaned off of medication to get pregnant. I felt the OCD trying to creep back in but I guess I wasn't strong enough against it. It came back full force. It began with thoughts of "I'm not a Christian...I can't be a pastor's wife...I should just die." Needless to say I think there is a spiritual element to all of this. But I am having a hard time. I am back on meds but nothing seems to help yet. I never thought it would come back like this!

 

[shelovesChrist]

We just have to give it to Christ. There are days when I'm able to ignore it and do good and there are days when it gets real bad and I get frustrated and irritated but regardless of what goes through our minds, as long as His word is in our heart we will be okay.

John 10: 27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

Regardless of what occurs, we know that Christ says that we will not be plucked out His hand so whatever we go through will not cause us to perish because Christ said it so we know that it can be dealt with. I'm praying for you!

 

[kimberllyydawnn]

im there with you all! mine started with HOCD haha so silly too and its irrational but it scared me and then when i gave it to God cause i thought i committed that sin i started doubting if it was a sin and if was save and if i believed in God and now im doubting everything i have ever stood for! it stinks on ice! but we have to keep having faith and praying anhd talkung to him mine left me for five years and it was awesome i was like wow! and then i did not know it was OCD but im glad i have the revelation of what this is cause now i can tell God exactly my strugle though he knows and also i think OCD is a battle and the lies our from our enemy and the mind is his playground and with us ocd people he prob has a fun time i know right now he is having a circus in my mind cause im tormented but God is soo much stronger than the lies and the cycles of OCd this is my sewcond cycle of this so im hoping that i learn how to handle this and give it to GOd and maybe some good medicine but the owrry with that is that ill gain weight cause i have struggled with weight alot and starving myself so ugh but yeah