Why does he keep on lying to me?

[LookBeautiful]

So he kept our kid today with my permission, she spent the night at her friend's house, his friends, a member of our parish, not my friends. He tells me is going to have her home by 8pm. I get home from my meeting and there is a phone call from him at 8:04pm and he says they are going to watch a half hour movie and he will have her home at 8:30pm. Liar. The last time this happened the parents were watching a movie while the kids played.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

So he kept our kid today with my permission, she spent the night at her friend's house, his friends, a member of our parish, not my friends. He tells me is going to have her home by 8pm. I get home from my meeting and there is a phone call from him at 8:04pm and he says they are going to watch a half hour movie and he will have her home at 8:30pm. Liar. The last time this happened the parents were watching a movie while the kids played.

So did he have her home at 8:30?

You might want to elaborate on why you are upset over this. In reading your post, I'm not getting why you're bothered. Or why you titled your post as you did.

 

[LookBeautiful]

No, he did not have her home at 8:30pm, and the original agreement was that he would have her home at 8pm, so I did not go out to dinner after a meeting because of this. Was my writing unclear? I am not finding this forum very supportive, forgive me.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

No, he did not have her home at 8:30pm, and the original agreement was that he would have her home at 8pm, so I did not go out to dinner after a meeting because of this. Was my writing unclear? I am not finding this forum very supportive, forgive me.

I don't know exactly what to be supportive of.

Is this an ongoing issue - where he consistently calls at the last minute to tell you he's going to be late returning your child?

Having dealt with visitation issues myself for many years I can sympathize with the aggravation of not being able to make plans and then have to wait beyond the time the kids were due home. Realistically, however, it is going to happen sometimes. But if it's a regular pattern that's a different story.

 

[LookBeautiful]

Yes, its ongoing issue. I let him have visitation. Now its 2 hours past when he said he would be home with her, I called, no answer on his cell phone. This is a regular pattern.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

Yes, its ongoing issue. I let him have visitation. Now its 2 hours past when he said he would be home with her, I called, no answer on his cell phone. This is a regular pattern.

If the visitation is court-ordered, file a petition for contempt.

If the visitation is not court-ordered, start proceedings (I'm not sure of the details of your situation, so legal separation or whatever is appropriate) in order to have visitation that is controlled by court order.

In the meantime, if it isn't court-ordered, allow him to visit the child only at your home (so long as this isn't a situation that involves abuse).

How old is your child? Just asking because it's kinda late.

 

[DZoolander]

Instead of asking why someone continues to do what they've always done - isn't the more sensible question "why do I still expect something different"?

 

[LookBeautiful]

EZoo, I know that. So what do I do? I think I will send you a PM.

 

[LookBeautiful]

I divorced him. I am not sure I want the court involved in the visitation... And I don't want him in my apartment.

 

[kanga22]

Maybe he lies because he's immature and it's a fun game for him. Maybe he enjoys the control of doing what he wants - which is NOT what you want. Sounds like something my stbx would do. We're not in the custody/visitation fight yet because he's busy creating his new life w/o us.

Sounds like you either have to accept what he does or get the courts involved. Sorry, that's my best advice today.

 

[heatherq17]

Sounds like you either have to accept what he does or get the courts involved. Sorry, that's my best advice today.

I agree with this!!!!!!

 

[LookBeautiful]

Thanks. I am working on acceptance.

 

[kanga22]

My goodness, the horrors. I mean seriously, a man that wants to spend more time with his child. He should be taken out and shot. He obviously doesn't understand a man's role in divorce, wallet with legs.

Here's what you ought to do, be happy he wants to be involved with his daughter's life, realize as a father you don't let him do anything (he has rights), and when he keeps HIS child a little late just shut up.

Routine is good for a child, especially in the midst of his/her family breaking up. If the father is keeping the child up past their bedtime and drastically changing the normal schedule, this is very stressful for a child.

Each parent's time is valuable. Is it right for this mother to have to change her own plans, and sit around for hours waiting (and probably worrying) while the father takes his sweet time bringing their child back when he FEELS like it? Furthermore, we are talking about the father just outright lying to her about the schedule he plans to follow. Sounds like she would be happy if he would simply do what he SAYS he's going to do.

And it is extremely rude for you to say that she should "shut up". IMHO, people who have nothing helpful or constructive to say are the ones who should watch what they say and keep their mouth closed.

 

[LookBeautiful]

Thanks Kanga, I put that poster on my ignore list. I have learned not to even talk to people like that. I have no idea who they are, and I want it to stay that way. This is supposed to be a ministry for people who have divorced. I didn't criticize my child's father. But we still have not recovered from that disruption to our schedule and its Wednesday. Yesterday my daughter took a nap after school, she never does that. I can tell you the details privately. There is more to the situation I could tell you privately. I didn't make any plans after 8pm because he told me that is what time he would have her home. I have reached a decision to accept it because I am not willing to involve the courts. That is the bottom line.

 

[LookBeautiful]

Thanks Lynn. I think I will work on accepting the things I can not change. I really appreciate your answer.

 

[DZoolander]

EZoolander: Did you know one definition of "insanity" is "doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different result each time" Made me think of that

Actually that's exactly what I had in mind when I responded. lol