Why do you like me?

[Larry Mondello]

I have to ask out people that I am not interested in?

No, but if you personally know MANY women, surely there's one that would be a good match, or at least someone you could date.

You may have some fears about dating.
Dating isn't only to get married.
Dating is to determine what a man/woman wants (and doesn't want).

You do that through meeting a variety of women.

In your dealings with women, you can usually pick up on the type of girl she is.
If at work, for ex., she always cracks jokes about sex or speaks coarsely, that could be a turnoff, as those kind of women repelled me.

From reading some of your other postings, sense you're afraid of your physical capabilities.
If you don't have feelings for a woman, don't make light sexual moves (i.e. making out).

 

[JoeyArnold]

No, but if you personally know MANY women, surely there's one that would be a good match.

I can fall in love with any girl. I have done this many times.

 

[Larry Mondello]

you know how many people i know in person?

No.... Please tell us.

Also tell us how many of those are single women.

It's good you can relate to women and aren't nervous around them as many never-been-in-a-relationship guys in their 20s and 30s are.

How many women do you know now?
AND
...how many of these women do you think might go on a date with you?


Time for evaluation.
Sit down and write out all the names of women you think you could ask out.
Put this on a spreadsheet if it helps.

Then narrow the list to ones you realistically might have a chance with.

Write their pros/cons.

This one is of
-the same faith,
this one likes my type of music, films, activities, or came from the same small town, etc.

This other is sexually active,
-this other one has a child,
-this one is shy like me,
-this one many would consider her "plain" or doesn't date much (might be receptive to getting asked out).

Then narrow the results

Sounds mechanical and routine, but many of us in our lines of work use spreadsheets and analyze business propositions, challenges, etc. The same kind of system might work in relationships.

Christian girl or not, they're still women and women are difficult to deal with, you should know...

 

[JoeyArnold]

How many women do you know now?

do i live close enough to women?

 

[Larry Mondello]

do i live close enough to women?

I don't personally know how close you live to women.
But surely, you meet them in your public interactions, at church, etc.

 

[JoeyArnold]

I don't personally know how close you live to women.

most women want a safe life that i cannot guarantee

 

[Larry Mondello]

most women want a safe life that i cannot guarantee

Make that clear to the women you go out with, early in the dating (but not too early), on how you feel about life, what you want to do with your life and what you want in a woman.

That may scare some women off, but if that's you life goal, you need to find someone with similar aspirations.
Just like if you dated a woman with a kid. She'd need to make it clear her child is her priority and marrying her would require you accepting her child.
Or... if a woman liked international travel and was frequently overseas or suffered a debilitating medical issue... she'd need to tell you that so you'd know what her life was like.

Don't reveal that info. too early, though, as right now, you need to get out and meet women in real dates.
Women, even Christian women, are tricky and difficult to deal with.
You need that experience in knowing what to say, what not to say and how to handle yourself on dates.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

I'd definitely call that a shady situation. Proceed with caution.

 

[Christian Warrior]

joey is slow if you haven't picked that up yet

 

[Larry Mondello]

joey is slow if you haven't picked that up yet

He seems to know what he wants in life and the kind of woman he wants to be with.

Just bec. he's a virgin and takes it slow in approaching woman and sex... it may mean he's actually wiser than others on this kind of thing..... unlike many others who get involved in sex too soon...

 

[RobertMerton]

Run for the hills Joey

 

[JoeyArnold]

in dating, i want to make sure the girl i am interested in is not too shallow

 

[LinkH]

If you want to marry an Asian woman, it is probably best to go live and work in Asia and be picky, especially when it comes to spiritual and character issues. Don't just date the first women who is interested in you. In some countries, a certain percentage of women really like western men. (In some countries, this is not the case.)

 

[JoeyArnold]

how picky is too picky?

 

[LinkH]

As young as your picture looks, you can probably afford to be picky for a long time. If you were 50 and wanted to be married and had for decades, I'd probably say you shouldn't be too picky. Also, if you are meeting women on the Internet, you may be able to afford to be extremely picky.

Someone I know this past week was corresponding with a woman trying to get an annulment, she said, in the Philippines, from a man who'd left her for another woman 6 years ago. She said she needed $5,000 to get the annulment. It sounded like a scam to me. I don't know why he'd want to mess with a situation like that anyway.

Assuming you don't have kids and you are as young as you look, if I were you, I'd stay away from marrying a woman with kids unless God really spoke to me somehow to the contrary. In parts of Asia, if that is the pond you are fishing in, there are plenty of young virgin women who don't have a lot of baggage. The cross cultural issues are enough without any baggage. You don't want the father of the kids in the picture later in your life if you can help it.

These were some guiding verses for me in finding a spouse.

Matthew 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

and

I Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife

If you want to marry a widow with kids, that's not a sin. If God leads you to that that's fine. If you don't have experience being a parent, though, it may not be the best situation. You also don't have the other father issues to worry about if you marry a widow. There may also be some godly single mothers out there who never married. But I don't think it's wrong to have a preference for someone who doesn't have children already, especially if you are young. I don't know who the Lord will lead you to, but I found when I asked the Lord to lead me to the right person, He did.


Too picky would be if the Lord put someone in your life to marry and you were too critical to marry that person.

I went the route of not marrying until I sensed the Lord directing me to do so. Of course, I prayed about it. When I met my wife, I sensed something was going on after our simple, friendly conversation. I went home asking if she was supposed to be my wife. My wife went home after that conversation praying about marrying me.

If you aren't in a state in life where you can support yourself somehow or you aren't close to being there yet, you shouldn't consider finding a wife to be an urgent matter yet.

 

[JoeyArnold]

it sounded like a scam to me

one of my concerns is that she says that she feels like God led her to me kind of thing. i am sure it is possible that God did. however, i have told her that i am still totally undecided about these matters and that she should try her best to remain totally open to other people still no matter how she may feel. i tell her not to follow or trust or rely on feelings, emotions. i wish and pray that God helps her in her life in whatever that she may need. she always tells me that she prays for me. she is often busy with work and taking care of her son. so we have not been talking much lately. she says she is going to try to get a webcam and microphone so that we might be able to talk to each other on skype. i am interested in getting to know her a little for now. i do tell her that i want to do my best to figure out which kind of person i should marry. and she tells me that she understands and that she hopes that she is that lucky someone maybe someday that is destined for me