Why do some married people think its okay to get fat?

[Created2Write]

Good post dallas. I agree. And I loled at the comment about your kids being raised in a pumpkin patch or delivered by a stork...lol. Didn't you know that's all the rage this year? Stork delivered babies?

 

[dallasapple]

[It is such a shame that weight is the measure by which we decide if a person is successful or not. People's genes do enter into it - Our whole family is heavy back many generations, we are decent hard working people. I have friends whose whole family is thin generations back, they all sleep around, drink, married several times and when they get together it is not a pretty picture, but guess who has more respect? Right - the skinny crowd.

Such a shame that people who have mental problems, depressed or any other abnormal problem receive sympathy and help - but an overweight person gets nothing but criticism.

/QUOTE]

As well as you shouldnt forget..there are obese people who drink and smoke and sleep around..get married many times..or shack up and dont marry at all..

And thin people who work hard ..marry one time.. and dont smoke or drink..

Dallas

 

[Created2Write]

As well as you shouldnt forget..there are obese people who drink and smoke and sleep around..get married many times..or shack up and dont marry at all..

And thin people who work hard ..marry one time.. and dont smoke or drink..

Dallas

*nods* Yup. My husband and I, and I'm sure you too dallas, are very hard workers. Very hard workers. My husband, almost to the point of being unhealthy with one full time job and another part time. Just because we're slim doesn't mean we sleep around... I had a friend who is very overweight...and she is one of the laziest people I know. That doesn't mean all obese people are lazy. Some of them were the hardest working students at school who also had part time jobs.

Another good post dallas.

 

[SharonL]

You are reading my post wrong - I did not mean to imply that skinny people are all like that - I only meant that when you have two complete different people and this happens, the one judged the hardest is the overweight. Not making this incusived to all skinny hard working people - boy words are hard to put real meaning into.

 

[Sojourner1]

After about ten years of being married I had put on an extra 15-20 pounds from my pre-marriage weight as a result of having three kids. My husband is very active and athletic and he would always be trying to get me to exercise and lose weight. The more he pushed me the more I pushed back and refused to lose weight. I didn't like being overweight and really did want to lose the weight, but it really bothered me that he made such a big deal of it. When he finally just decided to back off and told me that he really didn't care anymore and that he loved me no matter what size I was...that is when I felt "free" to do want I wanted to do because I wanted it...not because someone else was pushing me to do it.

I started exercising and lost the weight. My metabolism changed when I turned 40 and it's much harder now to maintain the weight that feels the most comfortable to me. Because I hate dieting, I prefer to exercise often so that I can eat what I want. I also have come to really enjoy exercising (I run and spin). Exercise helps me sleep better and my mood is much better when I am active. I think everyone has to do what they do for themselves and not for someone else. If you are trying to lose weight for someone else you won't succeed. Then goal is to be content and happy with whatever weight you are.

 

[JaneFW]

I guess..(I dont mean you ..you just tapped into an issue I have)..I dont like the idea..of pitting large sized voluptous women..against thin (healthy not anorexia thin) voluptous women against each other..and measuring a womans sexual allure by her breast size either..

No no no no no. And again no. I just get tired of seeing the VS woman promoted as being the only attractive women on the planet. The part about this model and Kate Moss was just playfulness. See what happens when you swear off smilies? Just me messin' ..

To be real honest I sometimes feel defensive..when in defense of big women or being overweight..people feel the need to tear down petite women or women who arent overweight.Im the first person to stand up and say ..we shouldnt judge someone by thier level of fattness or lack there of.But to be honest..sometimes I think being a small person ..at 105 /110/maybe 115'bs for most of my adult life..then I hear a woman defending herself against some of the cruel remarks some jerk makes about women beign overweight..saying things like "well SORRY I choose to spend my time with my children..and I have a very busy life..and I have been through pregnancy and childbirth..Sorry I havent spent my life dieting and working out ..instead I have been playing with my children and paying bills..

"Everybody's beautiful .. in their own way .. " Whoever did sing that song? It must be older than I am! No, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, twit. <"twit" is an endearment where I come from just fyi>

And there I am ..sitting there ..thinking..Oh is that what I did?Ignore my children?Never lift a finger to work or play with my kids..never worked .. ..just focussed on myself..dieting and excersizing while I neglected my family for the past 20+ years?

And the whole breast size thing?I am 5'1'' tall..In order to have DD or DDD breast I would have to be morbidly obese..Instead my breast size(cup size) is proprtioned ....I dont think I am any less woman than a woman who is 175 lbs..at 5"8 with DD breast..she is just simply a bigger person than me.I would look ridiculous with her breast on my body..I know very petite women..well one personally..who at 4' 11" had DD breast..she had a REDUCTION..it was considered medically necessary because she already in her 20's was getting bad back aches..and even migrains.the bras were leaving dents on her shoulders and over time they said the weight could cause nerve damage from the straps..not to mention it was very difficult I think almost impossible for her to find a dress that fit her petite frame but with enough room on the top..she always had to wear a skirt and a blouse seperate..

Anyway Im rambling..but just saying I notice sometimes the hostility some women(not you Jane) will have towards thin women in general..when defending gaining weight...or beign overweight..including insinuating that they are better parents or they work harder ..and simply arent so selsfish as to eat right and excersize...As well as pregnancy..Like my kids were grown in a pumpkin patch or delivered by a stork..

I remember one time I was at a club type place ..and I was in the bathroom and a conversation struck up with some of the other girls and in it I mentioned i have 3 kids...and they were like GASP..you have 3???Oh my lord look how thin you are!!!I was thinking what the heck does that have to do with having 3 kids?

Dallas

I don't think that size has anything to do with anything. I'm short too - 5 foot .. sigh. I swear I used to be 5' 2" .. dont' know where that 2" went .. why couldn't I lose 2" from my butt? So, I'm used to being tagged with the "petite" tag and being overlooked, or called a "little one" or "Janie" instead of Jane, yuck. I would love to be 5 4" - I swear, that 4" would make all the difference. LOL. I hover around 125lbs, and I'm told by various websites that I am in fact overweight and should be 115, but I could care less. I'm also told that only obese people get arthritis but, hey, here I am and I have arthritis invading my body at a faster-than-light speed, so oh well.

I have always held the view and aired it on every possible occasion, that everyone - bar actual physical disability - is able to work out and eat healthy. I get up at 5am to exercise, because it's the only time of day available to me, and the only time it's anything even close to cool. Yes, we have invested money in exercise equipment - we have a gym in our garage. I don't think that we were wrong to invest that money. It was for our health and the health of our kids. If someone can't afford to do that, I bet they can afford to go out on walks or runs in the neighborhood, or to pay the small amount to swim in the town or city's public pool, or to join the Y. It's all possible. It just depends on commitment.

 

[JaneFW]

After about ten years of being married I had put on an extra 15-20 pounds from my pre-marriage weight as a result of having three kids. My husband is very active and athletic and he would always be trying to get me to exercise and lose weight. The more he pushed me the more I pushed back and refused to lose weight. I didn't like being overweight and really did want to lose the weight, but it really bothered me that he made such a big deal of it. When he finally just decided to back off and told me that he really didn't care anymore and that he loved me no matter what size I was...that is when I felt "free" to do want I wanted to do because I wanted it...not because someone else was pushing me to do it.

I started exercising and lost the weight. My metabolism changed when I turned 40 and it's much harder now to maintain the weight that feels the most comfortable to me. Because I hate dieting, I prefer to exercise often so that I can eat what I want. I also have come to really enjoy exercising (I run and spin). Exercise helps me sleep better and my mood is much better when I am active. I think everyone has to do what they do for themselves and not for someone else. If you are trying to lose weight for someone else you won't succeed. Then goal is to be content and happy with whatever weight you are.

ITA.

 

[dallasapple]

It is such a shame that weight is the measure by which we decide if a person is successful or not. People's genes do enter into it - Our whole family is heavy back many generations, we are decent hard working people. I have friends whose whole family is thin generations back, they all sleep around, drink, married several times and when they get together it is not a pretty picture, but guess who has more respect? Right - the skinny crowd.

Such a shame that people who have mental problems, depressed or any other abnormal problem receive sympathy and help - but an overweight person gets nothing but criticism.

In my case try having 2 step children, 2 of my own - a mother-in-law and a mother making every minute of the day miserable, a husband never home, working late or just out with the guys - frustration sets in - cooking was my comfort - but I was always judged on my weight - no matter that I provided a loving home, always doing things with my kids, always had a good job and owned 6 companies of my own - but I didn't look successful and was judged accordingly. Not making excuises, just saying there is a double standard - A dumb stupid good looking gal receives much more respect than an overweight successful good mother, Christian, wife and person. Just saying.....

I also just wanted to add..genetics are only one factor..you should maybe consult an expert...but I can gurantee you ..the EPIDEMIC of obesity and morbid obesity in our society can be directly attributed to poor diet and lack of excersize..Sure everyone has genes..but no one is going to tell me suddenly in the year 2011..magically appears that almost half the popultation inherited obesity form a gene that goes back 100's of years in thier family history...

We are in an EPIDEMIC..of obesity..that I believe is a fact.the doctors and the health organizations are not saying/////"its genetic...dont worry about' they are warning people ..our CHILDREN are obese..they are developing diabetes(type 2) thats NOT genetic..its NOT genetic for 10 and 12 or even 17 year olds..to have CHOLESTEROL levels of 200+...

And also based on your assertion here..someone whos fat..in a family of mostly thin people..then they got the skinny gene..then they are the only ones that need to admit its poor diet and excersize?But a family of 4 ..that the mother and father are obese..and their children are obese..and the aunts and uncles are obese..they just cant help it?

How do you explain that Im thin...but have ALWAYS watched my weight..admittedly I need to excersize now but over the years I have run..ridden bikes..done floor excersizes in my house.lifted weights.had gym memberships..cut back on my calories if I started to gain...my husband though he has never excersized..he has maintained a little overweight..by about 25lbs on a 5"10 man frame..has developed diabetes type 2 in his early 40's and niether his parents or his brother have that?His dad has always been on the NORMAL thin side..his mom more a little pudgy and his brother up and down..Which gene do they have?Im telling you my husband has the "I like fast food and cherry pie I hate to excersize gene"..my husband will not stand here and say genentics is the casue of his wieght gain ...or his diabetes...neither will his doctors..they tell him if hes smart..he will eat right and excersize..they didnt say "you cant help it..looks like you inherited the fat gene from your moms side"..

Dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

After about ten years of being married I had put on an extra 15-20 pounds from my pre-marriage weight as a result of having three kids. My husband is very active and athletic and he would always be trying to get me to exercise and lose weight. The more he pushed me the more I pushed back and refused to lose weight. I didn't like being overweight and really did want to lose the weight, but it really bothered me that he made such a big deal of it. When he finally just decided to back off and told me that he really didn't care anymore and that he loved me no matter what size I was...that is when I felt "free" to do want I wanted to do because I wanted it...not because someone else was pushing me to do it.

I started exercising and lost the weight. My metabolism changed when I turned 40 and it's much harder now to maintain the weight that feels the most comfortable to me. Because I hate dieting, I prefer to exercise often so that I can eat what I want. I also have come to really enjoy exercising (I run and spin). Exercise helps me sleep better and my mood is much better when I am active. I think everyone has to do what they do for themselves and not for someone else. If you are trying to lose weight for someone else you won't succeed. Then goal is to be content and happy with whatever weight you are.

^^This.

My weight gain has all been based around pregnancies - with slight weight gain in between two of them, which was actually needed b/c I was too thin.

But, knowing that my husband loves me at my ideal weight, when I'm pregnant and resembling a beached whale...or any where in between is worth its weight in gold.

I do strive to be healthy and want to get back to my ideal weight...and am conscious of any weight gain I do experience (I'm watching my weight like a hawk this pregnancy and am doing really well ). But, having is acceptance helps me feel more confident and capable of being healthy. If I had a spouse who constantly put pressure on me about my weight, it would have the opposite effect on me.

I didn't lose any weight when I divorced (I stayed the same), but I did lose weight when my hubs now and I started dating seriously. Who needs food when you're all full up on lurve?

 

[dallasapple]

You are reading my post wrong - I did not mean to imply that skinny people are all like that - I only meant that when you have two complete different people and this happens, the one judged the hardest is the overweight. Not making this incusived to all skinny hard working people - boy words are hard to put real meaning into.

I understand what you are saying..but all you need to say is that obese people over a thin person is discriminated against..

Just like bald men or short men are discriminated against..Aging women and men are...In the workforce..

Im sure an equal amount of fat people versus skinny people smoke and drink and sleep around..as well as are good people.

But the point is..there is no reason ot TEAR down thin people..in order to express the hate and or discrimination against overweight people..

My 3 sons were fat all through childhood and got picked on mercessly..Im as thin as a rail..no need to knock me down..NOR blame there weight problems on genes..in order to express the heartache I had over how cruel people can be and are..

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Here is the thing on pregnancy and weight gain..Its COUNTER PRODUCTIVE to gain more than about 25 lbs from pregancy(unless you are underweight to start with)..Period..it makes it harder to give birth..you are also more at risk for things such as life threatening edema and high blood pressure and gestional diabetes..

We are not supposed to gain 60'bs in 40 weeks at any point in our(adult) life..let alone pregnancy..10 lbs xtra..O.k..one too many bowls of ice cream..we can all do it..But Im sorry if I sound "mean" but if you are gaining 40 50 60 lbs in your pregnancy ..then you are eating far too much..and not moving around enough period..its over eating..NOT being pregnant that causes that much weight gain..period..and not only that..after birth..its again eating too much and not excersizing that keeps the weight on ..

I dont know why that would hurt someones feelings Im included in that fact....If you tell an alcoholic..its drinking alcohol that makes you drunk..its like if they said..NO its "genetics" that make me drunk..I come from a LONG family line of drunk people..when we drink ..unfortunately our genes cause us to become innebriated..

It makes that much sense..to try and deny that gaining UNEEDED weight has nothing to do with eating MORE calories than you burn ..hence the extra calories turn into fat and store in your body..and that how you BURN calories in the first place is movement..the more you move your body around the more calories you burn ..PERIOD..I dont CARE if it varies person to person or how effectively your body or at what rate your body does that..I have yet to meet a person ..that even if they restrict thier calories to BELOW what they are burning that they dont lose weight..or they keep gaining..there is a "plateu" for everyone that we might reach..but those can also be broken though..over TIME..we gain weight over time and we LOSE weight over time..based on calories out and calories in..

Im thin..but if I start today eating more calories than I need everyday?I will gain weight like anyone else..I dont have a "magic gene"..If I have genes in my favor?I dont know maybe I do..but if I start eating 30% more calories today than I need..in a month I will have gained a few lbs..12 months from now I would be very overweight..18 months form now I would be in he morbid obese catergory..

Dallas

 

[omegadk1]

I think you are right. There is a double standard. I think that men are used to this because we are not brought up with the same standards as woman. Boys always see that the princess should be beautiful - where as girls always see that the prince can be a frog and she has to find the inner beauty; but she better be pretty, or else.

 

[dallasapple]

No no no no no. And again no. I just get tired of seeing the VS woman promoted as being the only attractive women on the planet. The part about this model and Kate Moss was just playfulness. See what happens when you swear off smilies? Just me messin' ..


"Everybody's beautiful .. in their own way .. " Whoever did sing that song? It must be older than I am! No, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, twit. <"twit" is an endearment where I come from just fyi>


I don't think that size has anything to do with anything. I'm short too - 5 foot .. sigh. I swear I used to be 5' 2" .. dont' know where that 2" went .. why couldn't I lose 2" from my butt? So, I'm used to being tagged with the "petite" tag and being overlooked, or called a "little one" or "Janie" instead of Jane, yuck. I would love to be 5 4" - I swear, that 4" would make all the difference. LOL. I hover around 125lbs, and I'm told by various websites that I am in fact overweight and should be 115, but I could care less. I'm also told that only obese people get arthritis but, hey, here I am and I have arthritis invading my body at a faster-than-light speed, so oh well.

I have always held the view and aired it on every possible occasion, that everyone - bar actual physical disability - is able to work out and eat healthy. I get up at 5am to exercise, because it's the only time of day available to me, and the only time it's anything even close to cool. Yes, we have invested money in exercise equipment - we have a gym in our garage. I don't think that we were wrong to invest that money. It was for our health and the health of our kids. If someone can't afford to do that, I bet they can afford to go out on walks or runs in the neighborhood, or to pay the small amount to swim in the town or city's public pool, or to join the Y. It's all possible. It just depends on commitment.

I know..I am actually 5' 1 3/4's//So sometimes i put 5'1 others 5 ' 2"..LOL!..I havent been measured in a while so it may be 5 ' 1" now..

And the arthritis?I have never heard only fat people get it..My grandmother ..(one of them) tall..and rail thin her whole life(but she had BIG boobs..LOL)..started getting arthritis in her 30's..and by her 50's had crippling arthritis in her hands.My uncle(her son) I just had a visit with him..hes a "bone"..and yep those bones have arthritis..that IS hereditary...I have it a little in several of my fingers..and my knees ache in the cold weather..Im assuming its started there..

Having said that..overweight people will have issues in their joints and i think particularly their knees..and they have more back problems than thin people..that is that is CAUSED by the weight.my little sister has been overweight since childhood..she is 5"4 and has most her adult life been very large..like close to 200lbs at some points..has had 2 knee surgeries on one knee ..and one on her other knee(by the time she was 34)..its not arthritis..its from the weight wearing on her joints..

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

I think you are right. There is a double standard. I think that men are used to this because we are not brought up with the same standards as woman. Boys always see that the princess should be beautiful - where as girls always see that the prince can be a frog and she has to find the inner beauty; but she better be pretty, or else.

well..but he DOES turn into a prince..a handsome charming prince..she doesnt marry him as a frog..LOL!!..I mean he doesnt carry her off on a white horse to live happilly ever after raising his tadpoles..LOL!!!

dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

Here is the thing on pregnancy and weight gain..Its COUNTER PRODUCTIVE to gain more than about 25 lbs from pregancy(unless you are underweight to start with)..Period..it makes it harder to give birth..you are also more at risk for things such as life threatening edema and high blood pressure and gestional diabetes..

We are not supposed to gain 60'bs in 40 weeks at any point in our(adult) life..let alone pregnancy..10 lbs xtra..O.k..one too many bowls of ice cream..we can all do it..But Im sorry if I sound "mean" but if you are gaining 40 50 60 lbs in your pregnancy ..then you are eating far too much..and not moving around enough period..its over eating..NOT being pregnant that causes that much weight gain..period..and not only that..after birth..its again eating too much and not excersizing that keeps the weight on ..

Heh. I would love to only gain 25lbs with a pregnancy. But, regardless of how healthy I eat or how much I exercise, I have gained no less than 40 lbs with each pregnancy. I take the weight off each time, I just didn't quite get there with DD before getting pregnant again this time.

I follow the Glycemic Index - as I am, indeed, at risk for GD (Type II Diabetes runs rampant in my family)...and I exercise as much as possible despite having a 40 hour a week desk job.

So, saying it's a simple matter of overeating and not moving around enough is inaccurate, although both issues can and do contribute to the problem.

I have thyroid issues which contribute to my weight gain and then having difficulty losing it again. I wish it was a simple matter of diet and exercise - I wouldn't have that much trouble if that were the case.

 

[EmilyF]

I never said, "wow! I'm married! Now I can get fat!" It just happened. It actually didn't happen until I had kids. It's not pregnancy weight either especially since I lost weight after my 2nd. It's...depression and stress and boredom and loneliness. I eat my emotions. I know it's a bad thing and I am working on it.

I lost almost 40 pounds in 6 months last summer. I looked and felt great. I put about 20 back on after an injury. Then I have been putting more on after my son's injury. I hurt myself caring for him and many days it just hurts too much. I get what I have to do done but that's about it. Also, this summer, it's been disgustingly hot and humid. I'm almost as inactive as I am during the winter.

I hope that I can get it off again. I looked and felt GREAT. I was still big by some people's (probably many) standards at a size 10 but I was at a comfortable weight for myself.

I'm blessed in that my "best" is actually as small as my husband would like me to be. He likes fuller women. He really wasn't optimistic when I was losing weight last year. He was afraid I'd over do it. He was pleasantly surprised with how attractive he found me.

 

[LoisGriffin]

I don't think its ok at all. I gained lots during the first year of marriage. Mixture of being lazy, being unwell and poor eating choices. Now I weight a lot less then when I got married.

My dh has gained some. It does bother me a little but he is trying to change things so I fully support him. Maybe it is vain but a gut on a man is not very attractive to me. He has about 10-15 pounds to lose. It is an extremely hard thing to bring up especially when he didn't even notice my weight gain.

 

[omegadk1]

well..but he DOES turn into a prince..a handsome charming prince..she doesnt marry him as a frog..LOL!!..I mean he doesnt carry her off on a white horse to live happilly ever after raising his tadpoles..LOL!!!

dallas

It's only after she falls in love with him though for his inner beauty that he becomes hansome. Pretty strong message for girls there I think.
"Love him as he is first, then you will see how handsome he is"
It's not a bad message, just we guys don't get the same one growing up.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I'm blessed in that my "best" is actually as small as my husband would like me to be. He likes fuller women. He really wasn't optimistic when I was losing weight last year. He was afraid I'd over do it. He was pleasantly surprised with how attractive he found me.

My hubby is the same way - he loves my curves and says he wouldn't want me to be much thinner than I was when we met and started dating. He especially loves my booty.

 

[Conservativation]

It's only after she falls in love with him though for his inner beauty that he becomes hansome. Pretty strong message for girls there I think.
"Love him as he is first, then you will see how handsome he is"
It's not a bad message, just we guys don't get the same one growing up.

Sure we do. Isnt being told that we dont get the message....getting the message? Because Ive been hearing that for 40 years...that we men "dont get the message".