Why do people do this?

[LovebirdsFlying]

Can anyone explain the human nature that causes this? Alice makes a statement, "Boy, when people do X, it really annoys me!" Bob hears Alice say that, immediately starts doing as much X as possible, and the more it annoys Alice, the funnier Bob thinks it is. There are an awful lot of Bobs in the world. I've read that people are hard-wired to be rebellious when told what to do, and will immediately have the urge to do the opposite. How did that get to be part of the human condition?

Just curious.

 

[Larniavc]

I don't think that there is one reason. Human behaviour is a complex thing.

Some people do it as an exercise of power, some find it funny, some see it as bonding with a person they think will appreciate that behaviour, the list goes on.

When it comes to people (in my experience) there is never just one reason for any behaviour.

 

[RC1970]

Can anyone explain the human nature that causes this? Alice makes a statement, "Boy, when people do X, it really annoys me!" Bob hears Alice say that, immediately starts doing as much X as possible, and the more it annoys Alice, the funnier Bob thinks it is. There are an awful lot of Bobs in the world. I've read that people are hard-wired to be rebellious when told what to do, and will immediately have the urge to do the opposite. How did that get to be part of the human condition?

Just curious.

Because Bob believes that if you were exposed to X more often then you would acquire a predilection to it.

Oh, and this tendency has been around since the very beginning. It's part of fallen human nature. Just tell a two year old that they are not allowed to do something. If you do, that's all they'll want to do from that minute forward.

 

[JaapAap]

Can anyone explain the human nature that causes this? Alice makes a statement, "Boy, when people do X, it really annoys me!" Bob hears Alice say that, immediately starts doing as much X as possible, and the more it annoys Alice, the funnier Bob thinks it is. There are an awful lot of Bobs in the world. I've read that people are hard-wired to be rebellious when told what to do, and will immediately have the urge to do the opposite. How did that get to be part of the human condition?

Just curious.

It's not rebellious. Alice tries to control Bob. He should behave as she wants him to, just because she gets annoyed. It's a way of letting someone know: you are not in a position of authority over me and I'm not going to let you control me.
If I tell my kids I get annoyed if they eat loud and crunch in my ear lol they do it on purpose, they go sit next to me and crunch as hard as they can in my ear and then they have a lot of fun. Sometimes I can get irritated, but then I think: yeah you're right. You weren't doing anything wrong, I should just stop acting so stupid and controlling.
Sometimes God tells me not to do something on purpose if someone tells me not to or if I did apologize for nagging on purpose, because someone has a real problem. But some people think just because they have a problem everyone else has to change their behavior to please them. Like people in church telling the pastor in a controlling way to put the music down because they have an ear problem. Bye! My pastor tells them to put earplugs in if it bothers them or stand in the hall if the worship is going on.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

If I tell my kids I get annoyed if they eat loud and crunch in my ear lol they do it on purpose, they go sit next to me and crunch as hard as they can in my ear and then they have a lot of fun. Sometimes I can get irritated, but then I think: yeah you're right. You weren't doing anything wrong, I should just stop acting so stupid and controlling.

Gonna nitpick this part a little. It seems that parents ARE in a position of authority over their children, and have the perfect right to tell them what to do. (That is, as long as they are in fact still children.) When I was a kid, if my parents had told me not to do something, and I immediately made it a game to do exactly what they told me not to do, well, what would have happened to me as a result is illegal now.

 

[JaapAap]

Gonna nitpick this part a little. It seems that parents ARE in a position of authority over their children, and have the perfect right to tell them what to do. (That is, as long as they are in fact still children.) When I was a kid, if my parents had told me not to do something, and I immediately made it a game to do exactly what they told me not to do, well, what would have happened to me as a result is illegal now.

Yes, but it says:
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

So if they have to clean up and it annoys me that they throw their stuff everywhere, they should listen. But I gave the example of me getting irritated just because I have that problem. They were just eating. They did nothing wrong. Then it's my fault and they're in their right to tell me it's unfair and stupid to say. Lol they make me laugh when they do it and the irritation goes out the door.
I see that as parents do not provoke your children.
If parents beat their kids up and demand total obedience they're just being controlling and misuse the verse of obey your parents.
I saw it with someone who had an extremely controlling and abusive mother. When I or someone else who wasn't in an authoritive position would tell him not to do this or that he'd do it on purpose and with stupid small things he had a lot of fun doing it.

Oh lol that makes me think of that French comedian. Someone asked him why he could play that role so good and he said he was just imitating his mom:

He says: they annoy me. They have to go away for 7 meters.

 

[juvenissun]

Can anyone explain the human nature that causes this? Alice makes a statement, "Boy, when people do X, it really annoys me!" Bob hears Alice say that, immediately starts doing as much X as possible, and the more it annoys Alice, the funnier Bob thinks it is. There are an awful lot of Bobs in the world. I've read that people are hard-wired to be rebellious when told what to do, and will immediately have the urge to do the opposite. How did that get to be part of the human condition?

Just curious.

Whatever reason Bob have for his behavior, Bob does not know the reason that he should not do it. Kids are not stupid. If he knows how could his particular behavior harm him, then he won't do it.

On the other side, if parent can not see a bad consequence of kid's behavior, then there is no reason to tell him not to do it.

I usually tell a kid: If you like to see (description of bad consequence to him), then you go ahead and do it. For example: "Bob, don't do this. Because if you do it, then I am annoyed. When I am annoyed, then I would give you hard time. So, if you don't want to see me to give you hard time, then for your benefit, don't do it. " If Bob keep doing it, then don't hesitate to give him some hard time.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

By the way, in the original scenario, Bob is not necessarily a child. "Do whatever annoys her the most" was my first husband's favorite game to play. If he did something and I laughed, or it didn't bother me enough to cause a reaction, where was the fun in that? He'd step it up until he found something that did get to me. Then he wouldn't stop doing it until I lost my temper. Otherwise, how else could he tell me I was crazy, just like his mother? (He did that to her too.)

 

[juvenissun]

By the way, in the original scenario, Bob is not necessarily a child. "Do whatever annoys her the most" was my first husband's favorite game to play. If he did something and I laughed, or it didn't bother me enough to cause a reaction, where was the fun in that? He'd step it up until he found something that did get to me. Then he wouldn't stop doing it until I lost my temper. Otherwise, how else could he tell me I was crazy, just like his mother? (He did that to her too.)

Psychology has a way to investigate it and to treat it.
Christianity has a way to live with it.
For a Christian, the first one is worthwhile to explore. But the second one is the way to handle it.

 

[quatona]

Can anyone explain the human nature that causes this? Alice makes a statement, "Boy, when people do X, it really annoys me!" Bob hears Alice say that, immediately starts doing as much X as possible, and the more it annoys Alice, the funnier Bob thinks it is.

Maybe asking ourselves why Alice made the statement, in the first place, helps solving the riddle?

 

[quatona]

Gonna nitpick this part a little. It seems that parents ARE in a position of authority over their children, and have the perfect right to tell them what to do.

If you base the upbringing of children on concepts like authority, rights, power, command and obedience you´ll get the weirdest results. It´s no surprise children will play the power game once you have introduced it into the relationship between you and them.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

If you base the upbringing of children on concepts like authority, rights, power, command and obedience you´ll get the weirdest results. It´s no surprise children will play the power game once you have introduced it into the relationship between you and them.

Well, I really can't address that. I know what happened, and what would have happened, in my own childhood. But my own childhood was not normal or healthy.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Maybe asking ourselves why Alice made the statement, in the first place, helps solving the riddle?

Usually just conversational. We all have our little pet peeves.

 

[GoldenBoy89]

Oh, and this tendency has been around since the very beginning. It's part of fallen human nature.

So how did this come to affect two people who weren't yet "fallen"?

 

[RC1970]

So how did this come to affect two people who weren't yet "fallen"?

They fell.

 

[quatona]

Well, I really can't address that. I know what happened, and what would have happened, in my own childhood. But my own childhood was not normal or healthy.

Oh, I didn´t expect you to address it. You had asked for explanation, and I just gave mine. To me it´s just another case of "You´ll reap what you sow" (on the cultural as well as the individual level).

Usually just conversational.

Just to get an idea: How is one supposed to handle "When you do this I´m annoyed" just conversationally?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Oh, I didn´t expect you to address it. You had asked for explanation, and I just gave mine. To me it´s just another case of "You´ll reap what you sow" (on the cultural as well as the individual level).

Just to get an idea: How is one supposed to handle "When you do this I´m annoyed" just conversationally?

Slightly different from the original. I think what you're picturing is, Bob does something that annoys Alice, and when Alice tells him it annoys her, he does it even more. (Boy, my first husband sure would.)

But what I had Alice saying in the OP is, when *people* do such-and-such, it annoys her. Bob isn't already doing it, but once she makes the casual observation that she finds it annoying, he immediately starts doing it, for the specific purpose of getting under her skin.

That would be like me mentioning (in a conversation that's already underway on the subject of things that we don't like) that I hate to be tickled, and right away someone jumps on me and starts tickling me. The more I protest and struggle against it, the more they laugh.

I'm wondering what makes a person deliberately want to annoy someone else.

 

[JaapAap]

Slightly different from the original. I think what you're picturing is, Bob does something that annoys Alice, and when Alice tells him it annoys her, he does it even more. (Boy, my first husband sure would.)

But what I had Alice saying in the OP is, when *people* do such-and-such, it annoys her. Bob isn't already doing it, but once she makes the observation that she finds it annoying, he immediately starts doing it, for the specific purpose of getting under her skin. I'm wondering what makes a person deliberately want to annoy someone else.

He takes it personal. Oh so when I do it it annoys you too? Don't tell me I can't do that. Here I'm gonna annoy you.
Sounds like childish behavior because of old wounds from a controlling mom.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

He takes it personal. Oh so when I do it it annoys you too? Don't tell me I can't do that. Here I'm gonna annoy you.
Sounds like childish behavior because of old wounds from a controlling mom.

Could be. The people I've observed this behavior in do seem to be childish, and/or come from overly controlling backgrounds. But is it also possible, Bob's just a bully?

We simul-posted, by the way. After you quoted me, I added the detail with the example of being tickled after specifically saying I hate it. To me, that kind of thing would be bullying.

 

[JaapAap]

Could be. The people I've observed this behavior in do seem to be childish, and/or come from overly controlling backgrounds. But is it also possible, Bob's just a bully?

We simul-posted, by the way. After you quoted me, I added the detail with the example of being tickled after specifically saying I hate it. To me, that kind of thing would be bullying.

Yes that sounds more like a bully.