Why do married couples nag singles to get married?

[Tom White]

Why do married couples always seem to nag singles to get married, or at least make suggestive remarks to that effect?

"So when are you going to get married?" "You need a girlfriend/wife." "What do you think of <insert name of random single girl at church/club/social event/etc>, you would make a great couple..." "You'll make a good husband some day..."

Why do you do this, married people? Is the thought that we're not getting any somehow of concern to you, or the urge to tease about this irresistable? Or are you just jealous that we have free time and you don't? Or do you consider singleness to be a sign of immaturity and this is your subtle way of telling singles to grow up? What is it?

 

[mina]

I'm married now; but I was single for a long time (longer than most within Christian circles) and I was on the receiving end of that quite a bit. People loved to remind me I was single and nosily ask why, etc.. It's really annoying and why I don't do that to friends I have that are single now unless they initiate that. In my experiences, the why married people do that can stem from 2 places: 1. They are pitifully insecure. This happens a lot among women from my experiences. The "i'm married and you're not" snark that is only intended to make themselves feel better by trying to put someone else down based on marital status.
or 2. They like you as a person and want to see you happy in love. This comes from a good place; they just may not know how to execute it in the right way so they suggest people, want to introduce you to people, tell you that you will make a nice spouse some day, and so on and so forth.....
I certainly don't see singleness as a sign of immaturity and I think a most mature thing a person can do is stay single until they meet the right kind of person to be with. I do think most people should keep quiet about another person's love life unless asked. Blurting it out in the form of advice when you haven't been asked is really immature especially if it's just meant to be snarky.

 

[Tom White]

2. They like you as a person and want to see you happy in love.

OK. I'm certain that's why they're doing it with me.

Thanks!

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yeah most people do it because they love you and can't wait to see you find someone. Its not meant out of disrespect. Unless of course they are like "Are you ever going to marry? Its kinda weird your still single!", then its nagging and being immature. Granted people as also stated can be "Holier then thou". Like "Hey we got married, why aren't you yet? Are you ungodly?". THat end of it bugged me when I was single.

I'm 31 and finally married. While I always wanted to get married, I am happy I was single all this time because God used the time to mold me to fit perfectly with my wife. Sometimes his plans take awhile, but they are worth it.

 

[Avniel]

When you say married people you are generalizing. I don't mind if my friends stay single for the rest of their lives. But they probably do that because they worry about you being alone. They just want to know that you are happy and have a spouse or a s/o in your life. The reality is my wife is my best friend the only person that is going to love you as deeply as a spouse is Christ no friendship you have can compare to that. They just want you to experience waking up to someone that makes you smile.

 

[Inkachu]

Because they're well-intentioned and just want to see you happy?

Even when it got to be annoying, I never got all hateful and resentful over it. I'd just smile and shrug and say I hadn't found the one yet, I wasn't going to settle for less than God's best, and I wasn't afraid of being a spinster lol.

What's the big deal? Unless someone's really badgering you non-stop over it... who cares? It's usually just someone who'd like to see you happy and settled, and they're wondering what you're waiting for. I doubt their intentions are mean and evil.

And FTR I've never asked anyone why they were single or not in a relationship. And I don't think I would. It's none of my business.

 

[akmom]

My husband does this to his best friend, and I always tell him to stop, because I can tell his friend doesn't like it. One time I asked him, "Why do you always say that to him?" And my husband said, he wants his friend to get married and have kids so he can do things with him again.

I reminded him that he can still do "single" stuff with his friend, just like they always have. But no, they can't really do "married" stuff together, because they don't have that in common. We can't go on double dates, or take the kids on a camping trip. Single people don't like being the third wheel on a date, and non-parents don't enjoy camping with kids! But I just remind my husband that he has other friends to enjoy "married" activities with, and he should just be content with who his best friend is already.

Maybe that's what's going through your married friends' minds.

 

[Thunder Peel]

It depends on who's asking. Most of them are well-intentioned and just don't understand how their words come off. Then you have a few who are just noisy, miserable, or desperate and want you to feel the same. I think they're in the minority, thankfully.

I didn't get asked that question too often (mostly because friends and family had given up on me finding someone) but I know others who really got hounded constantly about it.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

BTW any singles reading this need to get married!!!!!

^SARCASM^