"Why do I want to be around people who scare me?"

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.

I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.

 

[Brightmoon]

Hello everyone,

This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.

I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.

good for your therapist. Why DO you want to be around people who scare you? Wouldn’t you rather be around people who make you feel happy loved and safe.

 

[Yennora]

It is always better to avoid abusive people. The consequences of being around them are not good even if those people are your family. Because your real family are those who love you not those who are bound to you biologically. Your therapist raised a good concern. Even if you love them, you can just pray for them, try to help them if they are in trouble.. you can simply know their news by calling them instead of visiting. But you are never obligated to bind yourself to a dark past.

Message to young readers seeing this post: Take care of misunderstanding what abuse is. Maybe at times you get illusioned that your family is abusive just because they prevent you from doing some activities that your friends allow you to do and support you in. Or because maybe they criticize you. The problem here is you might think your friends love you more because they support your decisions. Which is not necessarily true. Abuse is different. Abuse is a continuous destructive behavior towards you, whether verbally or by beating or by causing trouble to you or by encouraging outsiders to abuse you or causing outsiders to dislike you. Abuse is vast, an abuser won't show you care nor support and will always be negative. Abusers will also tend to be merciless with you; They don't offer support and they don't help you when you ask for it, or if they help you, they keep on belittling you because they helped you. Abusers won't respect your emotions and they won't take care of you nor try to protect you.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Hello everyone,

This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.

I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.

As long as you are comfortable with that, I see no reason you shouldn't. Your reasoning seems sound to me, and hers does not. It's not like you're living with them.

I'm a little surprised she told you that. Did she give reason for her opinion?

 

[Rescued One]

I had to move away from my family. I can't even tell you all that happened. I was able to talk to a few members by phone. Now I only hear from one brother but we were always close and he is never verbally abusive.

 

[Brightmoon]

Same with me I had a controlling narcissistic family and after putting up with that selfish, crazy and destructive behavior for over 30 years I had had enough and I went no/ low contact. Didn’t miss them a bit and I was able to heal thePTSD somewhat!

 

[Brightmoon]

As long as you are comfortable with that, I see no reason you shouldn't. Your reasoning seems sound to me, and hers does not. It's not like you're living with them.

I'm a little surprised she told you that. Did she give reason for her opinion?

You’re lucky if you’ve never bumped into a narcissist/ sociopath. They are destructive abusers and the abuse isn’t always physical violence

 

[Brightmoon]

 

[Kenny'sID]

You’re lucky if you’ve never bumped into a narcissist/ sociopath. They are destructive abusers and the abuse isn’t always physical violence

Believe me, I have, but they weren't family. And you are absolutely correct, they are that.

Did the OP say her family was that?

 

[Soul-searching]

Hello everyone,

This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.

I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.

I think your therapist only wants what´s best for you. It doesn´t matter that you bring someone with you, when visiting your family, the point is you still feel connected to them, after all they have done to you, and that is co-dependency. You are abusing yourself, because you love your family, love and abuse don´t go together, this is what the therapist wants you to see.The sooner you recognize your own worth in this situation, and the toxicity of your family, and that you can say no, the better it will be for you to understand how to set your own boundaries. You have to recognize your patterns here, that is what the therapist wants you to do. You might not be able to cut off all contact, getting there takes time, but you must be able to recognize this pattern, of puting yourself in an abusive situation, because you love. It´s co-dependency, and it´s not your fault. You are worth so much more than this, and the love you feel for them, you can still love them from afar if you want. They don´t have to destroy you, just because you love them, because that is not love at all, and the value you think it has, is based on a lie.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Hello everyone,

This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.

I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.

It really would help if we knew the level of abuse here, there just isn't enough in you post to know if this is worth dumping your family for. If I knew your therapist, and that she was absolutely trustworthy, then I could relax with the fact she's doing the right thing by you, but we don't have that info either, an I've seen them jump the gun before. However, if you trust your Dr, that says something good for her advice. It's just that I sort a got the idea you may not trust this decision.

Of course i understand if that's all you want get into on the issue, and maybe you can still glean something from the answers here depending on if they really are narcissistic sociopath or something more mild. If they are that bad, you may have your answer.

On something this critical, a second opinion is always an option, if possible.