Why do I need to he heard & understood?

[Letter Never Sent]

When my daughter was about 2 she always used to say "Daddy, I need to tell you something." That's how she started off every new topic, no matter how unimportant. The thing is she really NEEDED to tell us -- she couldn't keep it in and she was very upset is she didn't get the words out. She NEEDS to be heard. Why?

When I'm around my wife I am so comfortable with her that everything just flows out. We took our kids to swimming lessons this morning. Everyone was very tired from yesterday's birthday party for my 1 year old son. Why do I feel the need to share my insights on fear instead of just relaxing by the pool? (One kid did not want to go underwater and was panicking big time. He was even trying to escape swimming class.) My wife just rolled out of bed and is hungry and tired - she doesn't want to hear a discourse on the consequences of fear. (She didn't actually say anything, she listened, but even I wouldn't want to listen to me.) And I give her this talk every time the occasion presents itself! All day long my words are nothing more then my thoughts and observations on my surroundings. Sometimes I can keep them to myself, usually not. Why do I have to get the words out? Why do I need to be understood? How can I stop? How can I let go?

Please help, for my wife's sake!

We tell our daughter "Relax!" all day long. So I told my wife to just tell me to relax. But she won't remember, and she has selective hearing and just tunes me out. So that won't work.

 

[C-Man]

Just be glad that's the worst of your communication problems.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Just be glad that's the worst of your communication problems.

Ha, yeah, but unfortunately it's not.

Maybe I won't worry too much about it since she just tunes it out anyway. She's a nurse at a busy hospital and has very selective hearing, otherwise she wouldn't be able to get anything done.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

he he. My son starts everything with "Let me tell you something".

To answer your question I don't know. My 42 years of experience has told me to not talk in mixed company. Apparently, I can say nothing socially correct or appropriate. Constant criticism has taught me to shut-up. Then I get criticized for saying nothing. Go figure.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Hmmmm, I am intrigued by this idea of not talking.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't have any clue as to why you want to verbalize all your observations about life.

Why is it important to tell others. Why can't you just think them and then go on to make more observations? Do you want other to agree with your observations? Do you feel your obseractions aren't correct and want some one to say they are correct?

Just trying to see if those questions will point to anything meaningful.

 

[Clifford Mark]

I think it's very healthy to express oneself, especially for kids....and for adults too. I am very expressive, but am concerned that often I do not show much empathy; if we are open to God and believe He guides our speech, I feel we become more sensitive towards, say, our spouses as time goes on. I am learning this.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I have hard time expressing empathy also.

 

[setfreebygod]

I have gone to extremes on this issue. I have told people way to much about my life and have suffered consequences. I have then decided to clam up and not speak around certain people. Yet either extreme is not good. What I have found really helps me is to sit before Jesus and journal out my thoughts. I journal the thought that is causing me to feel anxious. I believe that this is is how I have taken my thoughts out of the darkness and brought them into the healing light of Jesus. I have been doing this for about 4 months and I feel calmer and more peaceful. I have learned to trust Jesus that as I make my confessions before him, he is able to take what I offer and turn them around for His good. I can then be myself around people.

 

[LovedSparrow]

I agree with setfreebygod. I understand too, Letter Never Sent. I just voice everything I am thinking as it comes out. I used to NEVER say anything I was so shy. I think in a way it is healthy, but that's just my thought because it's healthy for me.

 

[Letter Never Sent]

Thanks for all the suggestions! Now that I am more aware it's not so much a problem. Although sometimes my wife isn't all that interested in my "insights" she is fine with it. She's not an in-depth conversation kind of person. If I notice she's not too interested in what I'm saying I'll wrap it up.

 

[TheChristianAspie]

I used to talk about whatever came to my mind - that didn't turn out so well for me.

Now, I talk to my husband, but am very reserved around other people.

I think the reason I talk about things like that is because I find it interesting and think that if I find it interesting, so does everyone else. I think they benefit by knowing more about this "interesting" subject.

That isn't always the case and some people don't appreciate it.