I agree wholly that if you desire Christ and His Father and the Holy Spirit, and to get back with Him, that is definitely a great thing. That shows that God is working through you!
We all sin, all of us, sadly
All of us mess up, and it's like, nearly impossible to get perfect like Christ, if at all there is a way to do it. Christians sin, it's natural to do so, but that doesn't mean it's right, but because our Father knows this, He forgives our sins. King David, who was the apple of God's eye, the man after God's own heart, committed adultery and murder. No matter how "good" we are, and no matter what awesome title, in this life, our Father puts on our heads, we're going to sin, but God is right there to forgive us if we turn to Him and try not to do it again.
God is ever-forgiving, and I'm always amazed at His forgiveness that He has to offer when I sin or fall into temptation.
Jeremiah 15:19 - Therefore thus says the LORD: "If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them.
All we need to do is to turn to Him, ask for forgiveness, repent of our sins, and continue in Him for the rest of our lives. We'll still sin, of course, in our lives, because we're not perfect at all. To compare us with Christ Jesus, there's no contest; Jesus wins by a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE infinite longshot. Even Peter, the apostle, who was "the ringleader" of the apostles, was sinning with that circumcision and uncircumcision stuff with the Jews in the book of Acts, and Paul had to confront Peter face to face to have Peter out of it.
I'm praying for you!
God bless ya!