Why do I hate bars so much?

[alphacheese]

Ok I've been wanting to let this one out for a long time. What is it with the bar fascination? I just moved from a small town where everyone thought that all there ever was to do was go bar hopping. So what's the point of paying covers at all these bars to only spend a half hour in them and then even return to some you've already visited that night! Seriously?! Now that I moved back to my home town, which I consider to be a big, it seems like once again going downtown to hit up the bars is all that truly interests people. I know that my perspective on this is heavily skewed because of the crowd I would hang out with. My best times are spending it with my group of friends, why do we need a bar to do that? So anyway now that I'm back in my hometown after 9 years of absence I don't yet have a group of friends and of course I'm not gonna go to the bar to start finding some. The local churches are disappointingly void of youth groups which really surprised me but that's a different story, back to my rant...

What's desirable about the bar and bar scene? To me the only thing I've ever associated the bar with was drunkenness, then you got cigarette smoke clouding the air, people looking for meaningless sex, music so loud you can hardly talk to the person next to you even when screaming in their ear, and overly priced bad soda. You got people going around trying to get face time with persons that they just expressed to me how much they care so little for. It's just a disgusting place for pointless human interaction to me. And yes, I do try to stay away from them, I just get dragged along sometimes and try to be a good sport about it when I have little choice.

Does anyone want to defend the bar? I honestly want someone to point out any pleasantness to me, boy do you got a job on your hands.

 

[1usul1]

From 16-21 and a half I spent a mjoiryt of my time out in bars off my face, I tell you the truth i am with you on this brother I hate the things terribly.
I hate the lies that are sold in them, in New Zealand we truly drink a lot alcohol... a practice I hate and it is worshiped here peoples lives revolve around getting smashed.
Its such a crock, then things like sex are sold and told to be something else but i know that it is a void of meaningless.... It kills steals and destroys not what it is advertised to do.

 

[Shyguyelite]

people looking for meaningless sex

pointless human interaction

Remove the 'meaningless' and 'pointless', and BAM! I've just defended the bar from the view point of many people.

I don't drink and have never been to a bar, but I've always assumed that bars were a place for people to go and engage in the 'meaningless' and 'pointless', just as you described.

The reality is that the things you loathe are precisely some things that people love.

After all, people can find meaning/purpose/patterns in anything if they look hard enough.

Whether or not activities in a bar are dogmatically correct and or a mere illusion are irrelevant to some; people pay lots to engage in escapes, regardless of how practical a half hour or in the case of a movie, a few hours, or in the case of a theme park, a half day are in the long run.

Of course, you could argue that throwing money into bars is different from going to a movie or a theme park, probably due to increased risks of alcoholism, but the fundamental reasons for going are the same (yes, there is sex to be found from going to the movies and theme parks).

 

[alphacheese]

The reality is that the things you loathe are precisely some things that people love.

So true, that's what makes me sad. I was just in a bar this weekend with one of my best Christian friends that I grew up with. Now I have to say, this is one of the nicest bars I've been in. Clean, good food (bar and grill) no smoking, I just can't say good company. I remember him asking me if I wanted to go to meet some of his friends there. I was just like why? Why do we have to go hang out at the bar? He appreciates that atmosphere and the company while I sat there listening to the other guys talk about their new year's sexual conquests and how the brunette in the corner was the only worthwhile prospect

 

[Blackguard_]

Does anyone want to defend the bar?

I'll defend bars(sorta), aside from the overpriced drinks. They can be a good place to have a couple drinks with friends and maybe smoke a cigar or something. I prefer brewpubs and drinking at someone's house to bars though.

Clubs and bars that turn clubbish at night/weekends, which you describe in the OP, on the other hand, are the invention of the Devil.
Club/barhopping is stupid too, and I don't think I've ever had a good experience at a place that had a cover charge.

I hate the loud music especially, and the crowds aren't much better.
Sometimes resorts and fancier restaurants will have a good low-key bar. Not all bars consist of a crowded room with crummy music playing over speakers set to "11".

Why do we have to go hang out at the bar? He appreciates that atmosphere and the company while I sat there listening to the other guys talk about their new year's sexual conquests and how the brunette in the corner was the only worthwhile prospect

His friends would be like that whether they're hanging out in a bar or your living room. The company in bars doesn't have to bad, and can be good or bad as with any other place you might hang out.

 

[Quoth]

Alphacheese, I'm not going to attempt to change your mind concerning the "bar scene". Much of what you said about it was true, albeit seemingly with a "chip on your shoulder" about it all.

I personally enjoy the bar scene every once in a while. First off, yes, I am a Christian who believes that getting drunk, seeking out one night stands, and things of those natures are sin. I do my best to avoid those things, and have had great success in the former and a perfect record in the latter (drunkenness and sexual encounters respectively, to be clear).

There is a difference between a club and a bar. I do not enjoy the club scene in the least, because the entertainment of a club is provided in overwhelmingly loud music, sexually provocative dancing, and drinking in excess (in my limited experience). I do not enjoy rupturing my eardrums, I have two metaphorically left feet, and I prefer to enjoy my alcohol, not revisit it in mid-digestion.

The bars I have been to, on the other hand, have been a pleasant experience for me. I have always gone with friends, due to my penchant for becoming quite introverted and depressed should I drink alone. When I drink, it mellows me out, but if I have an engaging conversation with someone, it allows me to engage my brain in something other than introspection.

The music at the bar I enjoyed the most was provided in sets by a live cover band that played everything from "Summer of '69" (Bryan Adams) to "Closer" (Linkin Park). They usually ended their three-set nights with "Detroit Rock City" (KISS) or another crowd pleaser, "Walk" (Pantera). Yes, the music during their sets was too loud to carry on a conversation at any of the tables near the dance floor, but there was a dining area for darts and pool where the music was not loud. The point of their sets was to be the center of attention, not to carry on a meaningful conversation during their music. During their breaks, ambient music was played, and it was at such a level that a raised voice was necessary, but I never went home with a sore throat (unless I screamed along with "Walk" at the end of the set).

As for conversations, I found that the age group in bars can vary greatly depending on the atmosphere. My favorite bar catered to anyone who either had seen bands from the late Seventies in concert, or enjoyed their music at a later date. That being said, many of the folks who showed up arrived with their spouse or significant other in tow, so they were not necessarily there to "get laid". There was that element, sure, but it was not an excessively common occurrence. As a single man, I had many conversations with perfectly sober women, and the conversation never lent itself to trading phone numbers or any sexual context. People were there to "let off steam" from the work week, and little else.

As for the drinking, sure, there were drunks. The guys on stage drank a lot of Sam Adams and Jack (in seperate glasses at various times). I personally usually went for a beer or maybe a shot of Tuaca, and only once did I ever go overboard. As for the cigarette smoke, well, I am a smoker, so that didn't bother me as much, but with Colorado's laws the way they are, smokers were required to exit the building and smoke out on the back deck, which was completely closed off from the building via bouncer-monitored doors.

The bar scene can be what you make it. It certainly isn't for every Christian, and I believe very much that there are Christians who should avoid the bar scene. I think Christians who frequent the bar scene should be careful to watch their behavior going in, staying at, and leaving the bar. Like I said, I screwed up once, but from that point on I made a commitment that no one would ever see me leaving a bar even remotely "shnickered".

Certainly, bars are not churches. They are not necessarily reverent places. However, I know Christians who get together for Bible studies in their homes, and it looks a lot like a poker game without the cards: you've got beers and cigars all around. I'm not going to say whether that's right or wrong, but I know these men to be powerful prayer warriors and spiritual advisors who watch their behavior in public and would not be caught drinking in public (so as to avoid the perception that they were getting drunk).

If you don't enjoy the bar scene, by all means, thank your "host" for inviting you, but politely decline.

 

[Allegory]

You guys are just party poopers.

 

[Sketcher]

Sometimes there's good music.

Sometimes there's a game on.

Sometimes you need a backup plan once you've gone out.

 

[E.C.]

Does anyone want to defend the bar? I honestly want someone to point out any pleasantness to me, boy do you got a job on your hands.

I work at a restaurant and we have a bar.


I started working here back in October 2007 as a busser and a good part of the time I was the bar's busser. On the one hand, I would have agreed with you, but on the other hand I would have disagreed because obviously I once received most of my tips from the bar. On top of that the bartenders and servers thought I did a good job and would tip a few extra bucks my way


I still work at the same restaurant, but as a cook and a dishwasher; depending on the day. Both cooks and dishwashers are considered "back of the house". Employees that fall under the BOH category are paid a little higher than minimum wage (minimum in my state is $8.07 and we are paid $9-$9.50) and we received part of the sales from the hours we work. At the defense of people in cruddy jobs like this, the bar is what is holding up the restaurant, especially in this recession or whatever they're calling this economic slump these days. I am a college student so most of my money goes to either tuition or books and most of what is allowing me to work the hours I get is the bar.


Sure, getting drunk is bad. I agree wholeheartedly. Part of why I quit being a busser is because typically the more people had to drink, the bigger the mess they left on the tables which meant more work for me. But, people only get drunk when they drink in excess. For each person this means different amounts of alcohol. We have a regular who happens to be Irish and has a high tolerance to alcohol. For him, he probably will not get drunk until after he has had a few liters of booze. But, for people with a low tolerance of alcohol it may just take one shot of Jack Daniels for them to get drunk.
In that regard, the ball is in the guest's court so to say. They should know their limits, they should avoid their limits and should they exceed their limits, than somebody will end up taking a cab home.
In a few areas here the ball is in the employees' court. The bartenders and cocktail servers probably know the regulars fairly well and thus probably know the limits of said regulars. The bartenders and cocktail servers at my restaurant have been doing what they do for years and as a result of their experience have a real eye for someone's tolerance level of alcohol.
When a guest has had too much to drink, it is the responsibility of the employee to recognize when that has happened and to cut the guest off from any more drinks. If not, than only disastrous things can happen.


But, at the defense of bars: they are keeping me from having to quit school.

The bar holds up the restaurant quite well which means that, for me, I get a reasonable portion of the sales of the hours I work when I work. The bar helps keep a quasi-intelligent being like me from having to dig ditches for a living and also keeps some of our not-so intelligent workers at work and off of the streets getting themselves shot.

When it comes to the subject of alcohol, in general, I say go ahead. Christ made alcohol. Don't believe me, just read up on the Wedding at Cana
But know your limit and do not exceed it. Drink alcohol if you wish, but do so in moderation. You never know how much it will help keep me in school.


I just looked back and saw a request for pleasentness. Let me put it this way, the bartenders I know are good people on and off the clock. Every bartender at my restaurant has given me a ride home one time or another when I was the full-time dishwasher. If we didn't have a bar, we would not have a bartender which would have meant I would have had to call a cab and spend some audatious amount of money just to get home instead of giving $5-$10 to a co-worker for gas.

 

[Im_A]

Ok I've been wanting to let this one out for a long time. What is it with the bar fascination? I just moved from a small town where everyone thought that all there ever was to do was go bar hopping. So what's the point of paying covers at all these bars to only spend a half hour in them and then even return to some you've already visited that night! Seriously?! Now that I moved back to my home town, which I consider to be a big, it seems like once again going downtown to hit up the bars is all that truly interests people. I know that my perspective on this is heavily skewed because of the crowd I would hang out with. My best times are spending it with my group of friends, why do we need a bar to do that? So anyway now that I'm back in my hometown after 9 years of absence I don't yet have a group of friends and of course I'm not gonna go to the bar to start finding some. The local churches are disappointingly void of youth groups which really surprised me but that's a different story, back to my rant...

What's desirable about the bar and bar scene? To me the only thing I've ever associated the bar with was drunkenness, then you got cigarette smoke clouding the air, people looking for meaningless sex, music so loud you can hardly talk to the person next to you even when screaming in their ear, and overly priced bad soda. You got people going around trying to get face time with persons that they just expressed to me how much they care so little for. It's just a disgusting place for pointless human interaction to me. And yes, I do try to stay away from them, I just get dragged along sometimes and try to be a good sport about it when I have little choice.

Does anyone want to defend the bar? I honestly want someone to point out any pleasantness to me, boy do you got a job on your hands.

I miss bars to be honest. I miss socializing, having good beer and good drinks. Shooting pool with strangers. Jukeboxes. Darts. Now that places are anti-smoking, I miss the cigarette smell of the bars.

I never used bars to meet people. People can meet good people in bar tho. It happens. It's just probability is you may find drunken love. I have met great people bars tho, as well as idiots. Just like any other social gathering places.

The thing for me is, when I go out, I go out for myself or with friends. If I am going to a place that one, has alcohol, I am going there to drink. If they have a pool table, then I am there to drink and shoot pool, if they have a jukebox, then it is to listen to heavy metal, drink my favorite beer, and shoot pool. Not to meet people, not to find love. If I meet strangers there, I'm all for conversation with them. I'm all for meeting a woman that is not out to get me in bed. To have conversation with, setup a time to have dinner somewhere. I'm up for that if that would happen, but for me, bars are good to socialize, drink, shoot pool, darts and listen to music. Not about finding love or sex. Another example is when I was a member at a local golf course, they have a bar in there. It was fantastic. The guys and I would sit there and buy round after round, and talk about life, politics and our golf game. I made friends out there. They were older men but I didn't care. It was about socializing and meeting new people.

So to me, your impression of bars differs than mine. I think that's why we have a different view of them. I miss them a lot. Reasons I have had to stay away is because where I live, the bars I like require a 20 min. drive. Well I've had a DUI before, so I'm really leary about it. I only have one to two at the most if I am out.

Now, I am moving to a bigger city with the great invention of taxi cabs, and I'll be able to go out more when I move there and can afford it and not worry about having 4-5 beers and possibly my blood alcohol level being too high legally even though, I wouldn't "feel" drunk at all because I call up the taxi cab to take me home. Its worth paying for the cab.

So my opinion is, change what you see bars as what they can do for you. You don't have to get drunk at a bar. All you have to do is know your drinking limit and be responsible because of the law, and for the sake of other people. You don't have to find someone for sex. You can just have a good time, socialize, or just a time to get out and enjoy yourself responsibly.

I used to feel like you do to man. Seeing no use to spend moments with people I really could careless to see and know. Seeing easy women loosening up because they drink to much is a disgrace to what it is to be a woman in my opinion. Waste money on poison that I could just buy at a store and take home. Risk getting in trouble with the law because at times I look to drink a decent amount but I am also content with 1 or 2 as well. I just like having a good time.

Yet at the same time, for me, I miss the moments that seem meaningless because at times, I really wonder if the beauty of life is the moments that are small that we share with one another, be it strangers, families, lovers, friends etc. Plus, I miss interacting with strangers(note I am not meaning flirting...I'm a natural flirt). I have had great experiences with socializing in bars. I miss those days. I miss the days where you walk in and they know your name, and ask if you want your norm, shake your hand. They may be meaningless in the long scheme of things, but they are vitally important in my opinion, and people can find them in the bars. I look forward to getting back into it again after I move. Plus I love the hole in the wall bars, or the nice bars, sports bars. I can't stand clubs.

 

[frenzy]

There is a bar on the same block as my apartment building. There is no cover and it isn't super crouded or preppy. Many people who go there know each other and it has a Cheers atmosphere. I really like it, but there are other bars I'd rather not ever go to. For me, it all depends on the place.

 

[All Englands Skies]

I like a beer in a decent "civilised" pub to enjoy a quiet pint, but as for gutter pubs, club, bars and inner city boozing, drunkeness, fights, sex, drugs, that aint for me

 

[Super Kal]

you know, I'm not a fan of bars either... but I feel much more comfortable in a club more than a bar... maybe it's because of the music I listen to.

 

[~Sammy~]

I'm uncomfortable in the bar scene too! I dunno, I'm more of a quiet have-a-night-in-with-a-dvd kind of girl, and I'm a kiwi like 1Usul1 and the bars and clubs over here are VERY sleazy, we're such a heavy drinking and partying nation, I don't see much of a problem with drinking but over here it's really excessive..

 

[CrystalBrooke]

I've never been to a bar when there's a charge just to get in..I've been to a club that requires you to pay to get in..but I don't consider those two things the same..and I think you do. I hated the club that I went to, it was just a bunch of half dressed, sleezy girls shaking parts that shouldn't be shook in public.

Bars, however, good ones, I love. There's an English style pub in this city that I visit from time to time and it's super nice. There's always a game on..usually soccer, but there was a basketball game on once when I was there. The food there was awesome too..and now that I think of it, I don't remember anyone smoking...bars, pubs ect..must have been included in the indoor smoking ban. Even if you don't like to drink, I think you'd like a place like that. Good food, good service (tho their uniforms are short skirts) and a friendly atmosphere. That's the type of place you need to look for.

 

[KrazyPhish]

We call them clubs here, but I'm guessing you mean pubs too, but there is difference.

Clubs are what you describe, except with out the smoke, because it's illegal to smoke in clubs and pubs here. I'm not into clubs, never have been, they always have some ridiculous cover charge.

Pubs are a bit quieter, they're more for getting a drink with friends and talking, there maybe live acoustic music, there will be a few drunk people, but you can ignore them.

I don't really even go to pubs any more, I can't drink at all due to digestive disorder (one drink = projectile vomiting). I used to drink a lot in my first few years of uni, then when I stopped drink I was the sober driver and the one that held every one's hair back when they drank themselves sick. Drunk people really annoy me, I don't tell any one not to drink, but I have told a few good friends that I like them much better when their sober.

I haven't been clubbing, or pubbing for that matter since I went out with group of friends in a town about an hour and a half out of the city I live in, we eventually ended up at a club that had cover charge of $20 (!), I asked my friends if we could miss that one because 1. The cover charge was huge, 2. I didn't have any cash on me any way so there was no way I was getting in... They actually left me on the curb outside for around half hour while they went inside... I'm a small, young woman, I don't like been left in a strange town by myself! I couldn't get home, so I was stuck. I haven't been out with them again. I was FURIOUS.

 

[StarryEyes]

I can't stand bars either!!!! And I certainly don't want to be dating someone who goes to the bar.. maybe that's just me. But God's led me to stay away from alcohol and I hate even seeing pictures of it. Can't stand it one bit.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I love most bars myself but have never attended alone. Either way, nothing wrong with not enjoying them either, we're all different

 

[Breakaway_republic]

I never really liked bars either. The last bar i went into was the one at the bowling alley just down 100 feet from the apartment I'm about to move into [also 1000 feet from the house I live at] . Me and my male roommate went in to have a pint of michelob amberbock before we started cosmic bowling. The whole entire time there was this group of rowdy teenagers who just wouldn't stop trying to sing with the horrible rap music that was playing on the jukebox. It would have been cool, if it were karaoke night.

Besides, I prefer a pint of any decent beer with a chop steak over at the applebee's or just a 12 oz. bottle of my own stuff [homebrewed for more taste, but less alcohol] with a home cooked steak dinner and a good movie [if i ever drink].

 

[Goblin]

I can tell where your problem lies. You have bad friends who do not value Christian morals. They will not help you grow in your walk with God. I advise you leave those friends of yours and find good friends at a church.

Yes, it does require some work on your part, but God will bless you. Try looking for a big church. Usually big churches have youth groups, not small local churches. Maybe try searching on the internet.