Why Do I Feel This Way, Help

[rdizzle]

Hi Everyone,

Here is my situation. About two months back my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I didn't love her anymore. She had gone through some difficult times before this and I just wasn't there for her like she wanted me to be. Mainly because I had never been in a situation like that before and not because I didn't care. I loved her more than anything I just didn't know how to show it. Before we broke up I never got the chance explain myself. Now I am heart broken and everyday it just keeps getting worse. I always had hope that we would get back together. Then a few days ago I found out she is pregnant, lost her job, and is with a horrible person. She also is always in a bad mood and just is very unhappy. This has just killed me and I don't know why. I feel so much guilt like I am the one that pushed her to where she is now. We were so happy together and I screwed it up and I feel I contributed to her terrible sitatuon. I just want to know is it normal for me to feel this way. Should I feel like I am to partly to blame to where she is now? How can I get rid of this horrible pain to where I can't eat or sleep? I have never felt this way before and I would like some help if you anyone has any advice.

 

[f U z ! o N]

hey my ex gf broke up with me and told me i was just a friend the entire time. i know where you are coming from. rememember that if it was meant to be, she wouldn't have broke up with you. me and my ex were each others first loves yet she didn't show as much affection as I did. sometimes it takes heartbreak for someone to realize what should happen in a relationship. you didn't contribute to her decisions. SHE was the one who had control of what she did. rememebr that God is there for you and is always in control. when one door closes, a better one opens. i'll be here for ya man, just pm me if you wanna talk.

 

[plum]

i'm so sorry you are hurting this acutely. it really does hurt to have someone you love leave you for any reason at all...

but you are not in control or responsible for her choices. you didn't get her pregnant. you didn't make her do things to lose her job. you didn't convince her to date this horrible guy. how can you blame yourself??

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

[sherri]

As above and especially forgive yourself. For whatever you see as your fault in the whole thing and forgive her for the things she's done. We can't control other people and have to respect their choices, but forgivness brings closure and enables us to move on. Only God can really heal and help her in a deep level in the situation she's in now so just pray for her but protect yourself emotionally too. Your needs are as important as hers. And whatever you do, don't let her bad choices continue to tear you down. Because that just enables the devil to get two birds with one stone.

*prayers for you. Sorry you're stuck in this and don't hesitate to reach out to those around you for support. It's times like this that we really need the prayer and support of other christians.

 

[rdizzle]

As above and especially forgive yourself. For whatever you see as your fault in the whole thing and forgive her for the things she's done. We can't control other people and have to respect their choices, but forgivness brings closure and enables us to move on. Only God can really heal and help her in a deep level in the situation she's in now so just pray for her but protect yourself emotionally too. Your needs are as important as hers. And whatever you do, don't let her bad choices continue to tear you down. Because that just enables the devil to get two birds with one stone.

*prayers for you. Sorry you're stuck in this and don't hesitate to reach out to those around you for support. It's times like this that we really need the prayer and support of other christians.

Thanks for the replies. I guess I am more upset on how I messed up the relationship more than where she is now. It just added to it. I didn't treat her how she should had been treated and I wasn't understanding to her situation when we were together. She gave me chances to realize what I did wrong, but I just never could figure it out until she was with someone else. Even then I still had a chance, but I just upset her even more to the point where she won't even talk to me. It kills me everyday knowing what I could had done to fix it and that we would still be happy together. I really have no one to blame but myself. I don't want to live in regret, but it honestly feels like I lost my one true love because I don't know how to be in a relationship.

 

[Hediru]

Like everyone has been saying, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Personally, from what I read of your first post, I think your ex made a huge mistake in letting you go. But it was her choice to make. Not yours. I know that it is very easy to blame yourself because its obvious that you still care for her and you want to save her from the situation that she is in. And while that is touching and romantic, it's not practical. The only one who can save her from this is God. So go to Him if you haven't already. Pray for her that things will work out fine for her. I will pray as well that you will stop being mad at yourself without reason and that your pain will go away so you can enjoy life again.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Dude, she was not "the one". The one will be a girl who you have a style of communication with that works for the both of you, and judging by this, your style of communication did not work. When you do find "the one", you will look back upon right now and wonder what you were even thinking.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

nothing happens by accident. If she is pregnant it was gods intention. You will find a girl that will be with you no matter what.I mean not to be rude but would you really want to be with someone who after breaking up with you went and got knocked up by some random guy?

You desearve more then that. You might have not been there for her but you could have worked on it. therapy or something else. If you wanna talk pm me

 

[georgie2319]

Hello you are not to blame for what she is going through. People choose how to live there life if she is leading it the wrong way then shes made that choice to because it makes her feel better. And thats her way with dealing with stuff.
People can play on ur emotions just be cearful that its not a game from the enermy and that its a trap u may be falling into just pray and seek god and if u are ment to be together god will work it all out for u and bring you back together. Just because it went wrong doesnt mean its not ment to be just means that ur relationship is going to be hard work and i think it is to test how pura ur love is for each other and if its real it will last if not then it wont. Hope that helps that is just my opion.

 

[rdizzle]

These comments have helped quite a bit. Thanks. There is nothing more I want for her than happiness. Maybe having a child will bring happiness to her life. I just regret pushing her away and causing her not love me anymore. It was never intentional. I guess I needed to realize what it means to be in love and be there for her. I never knew what she wanted from me when I should had. I continuously didn't show her how I felt and all I can do is learn from my mistakes. There is not much else I can do, which is what hurts the most. There would be nothing more than I would like then to tell her how I feel, but I know with her situation it is too late. Everyone said that they had never seen her as happy as when she was with me. I could see the love for me in her eyes. It's just awful that I couldn't show the same because I was never as happy as when I was with her. Thanks to everyone for trying to help me move on.

 

[rdizzle]

Nothing hurts more than knowing that I didn't show her why I loved her. It is something I will always regret. My heart just keeps breaking and I keep praying that this pain will go away, but it only gets worse. Can someone explain to me why I didn't show my feelings to her. As time went on I wasn't affectionate and I didn't do the things that aren't asked of me like I used to do. I stopped asking her how she was feeling and I stopped caring like someone in a relationship should. Why is this? Did my feelings change because I never thought they did. In a sense I was afraid if I asked her she how she was feeling she would get mad at me. It was hard for me to talk to her when she was stressed. Was is that? Do I need help? Maybe I am like this in all my relationships. There isn't a second that goes by where I don't think about her and it is consuming my life. I feel helpless and terrible because I would trade anything and everything to try and fix what I did wrong, but I know there is nothing I can do. So many questions so little answers. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for understanding.

 

[Hediru]

I can't answer these questions for you, and I know you wish someone could. I still do not believe that you are to blame for this situation. Shoot, if my bf left me the first time I didn't show him affection, we wouldn't have made it through the first month. Do not let this continue to consume you. Look to the future. I know that you are hurting right now and you may believe that the future looks pretty bleak. But there is a reason for everything. God may have someone else in mind for you, someone who is much more deserving of your very big heart. I know it is hard, but stop dwelling on the past. Ask God to help you through the pain.

I'm glad you found CF in this hard time. You have friends here. I'm sure that you now have many people praying for you. I am. You can PM me anytime to just talk.

 

[rdizzle]

In a sense I still feel like I am a little to blame for the situation she is now. After we broke up I said something awful things I didn't really mean and I tried to apologize for them, but she just wouldn't accept it. I was just really hurt that she moved on so fast so I lashed back at her without thinking. She just hated me after that even though I tried everything to apologize. I think I really hurt her and upset her and kind of pushed her to this guy and caused her to not think clearly. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it is how I feel. I loved being supportive for her and once I hurt her she turned to someone else. I guess sometimes you make bad decisions and you have to live with them.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

She didn't "move on so fast". She went on the rebound. This is what happens when someone uses one partner to get over a previous partner.

And would you mind telling us exactly what you did that hurt her if it's not too personal, and how it unfolded? Because right now, I'm really confused because your posts are leaving me with no clue what happened, other than that you said something at sometime and she's pregnant by some new guy now.

 

[Hediru]

Everyone who breaks up in the middle of a fight says things they do not mean. That did not push her into this situation. She chose to go. Again, for the one millonth time in this thread IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

 

[rdizzle]

For all of you who would like to know what actually happened without being too personal here it is. Our intimacy connection went out the window when I said she wasn't good at something in that department. It was in the middle of the night and I don't even remember saying it until she brought it up a month later. She already had stress in her life when I said it. It was completely insensitive and I didn't mean it. Then she had more issues arise and I only did what she asked and nothing more. After that we went on vacation and we already knew we were having problems, so I got upset on time and I said I was "done". I meant done with fighting and being mad at her and I think she took it the wrong way. Then she broke up with me, but it seemed like she wanted to make it work after until I made it seem like I didn't care for her. Then when she found a new boyfriend like a week after we broke up I was hurt. I said something I deeply regret and she took it the wrong way. I said "I can't believe you are sleeping with someone so soon". So told me to go to hell and never wanted to talk to me even though I tried ot apologize a million times. She said she didn't want someone in her life that would treat her like that, which is understandable. Now she is in the situation she is in now. I said so many things that I wish I could take back because I know she loved me, but I feel I did push her away. It sucks, I don't realize what I say and do earlier. So that is what happened, it might not seem so one sided now.

 

[rdizzle]

I just want to say thank you for everyone helping me get through this difficult time. It took a relationship like this one to realize what I need to work on. I had never been so in love and I had never been happier. So when I lost her I just couldn't figure out why. I never thought about a relationship so much after it ended and in a way it has made me a better person. I wasn't there for her 100% and she tried to open up to me and I just got upset. I realize I needed to be more understanding and caring. This has happened in all of my relationships and I guess I just had to be deeply in love to realize it. Maybe I will find someone that made me as happy, maybe not. If I do, I know I will treat them the way they should be treated. Unfortunately it takes these types of situations to help you grow. I will always regret not being there for her because we had something that was pretty special. I just hope she is able to find happiness as she deserves it. Once again thanks to everyone I appreciate it.