Why do I feel like the Lord won't save me? OR am I saved? I don't know. (LONG)

[faceofbear]

Hello,

Let me give some brief background of who I am and explain my situation. I am 21 years old, I was raised in a Christian/Baptist home my entire life. When I was 5 I asked my mom how to become a Christian (if I remember properly, I didn't want to become saved but I was interested in the process), my mom had me prayer the sinners prayer with her and I began to cry, though I couldn't explain why. When I grew up I thought I was saved just because I prayed a prayer, and cause Jesus (who is God) died for me and rose again. I lived no different than any of my other friends. I had a heart that was bigger than most, as in I felt bad when people made fun of other's, but I had no desire for prayer or for the word unless I wanted something for Christmas. I went to AWANA my whole life, and sat in Church, went to youth group, mission trips etc, but I hated all of these. I never wanted to go.

Then when I turn 17, I went away from the Church and I couldn't care less. I began sleeping around with people all the time, pornography, swearing, almost every kind of sin you can think of I was involved in other than drinking and drug addictions. I lived this way for about 3 years until I broke up with my ex who lived in Colorado, and then I moved back to where I am originally from (California). During the ages 5-20 I would have glimpses of death, real situations, in dreams, and trouble breathing where I'd hold my breath at night and death became so frightining to me that I prayed the sinners prayer so many times because of a fear for Hell.

When I turned 20, I signed up for the military basically to make money, get money for school, and I heard it was easy to get girls and there was a lot of drinking. Now I hadn't been heavily drinking, but I just started when I was about 19 or so (no drugs, thankfully). So the military sounded like Heaven on earth to me, when all of a sudden me and my friend were talking in the car and I was I told him, "I don't feel like I should be going into the military, for some reason I feel like I should be getting involved in ministry, and I don't know why." I talked to my old Pastor about this and we came to the terms that for 1 I was never saved, and I need to get this settled before I get involved in ministry, although I still feel a strong call for it.

Now, since I had this awakening while talking to my friend, I began going to Church because I knew it was the right thing to do, and my friend started attending with me. At this time I had re-prayed a form of the sinners prayer, but with more meaning, and I felt like I was actually devoting my life to God. However, there was a problem. There was very little change. I stopped sleeping with people, I stopped drinking as much, and I stopped swearing and using the Lord in vain. However, pornography and masturbation and a lot of other stuff was involved in my life. The first service I attended was about masturbation, and my friend said "wow, I never knew it was so bad." And I knew it was something I had to stop. So slowly it began to drift away, but never completely. I also began having an immense desire to be in the word and pray. Church now had a priority, I loved going. But this sin was still there, and every time I gave in I had less desire to read and less desire to pray. I began to get into the Pharisitical thinking, where I had to obey these sins, and it began feeling like I was trying to earn the Lords favor... not salvation (I thought I was saved because of this desire for him), but His favor by not sinning. I understand that you cannot earn His favor by not sinning but I STILL (right now as I write this) feel that I need to obey these commands to make Him happy with me. And during this time my drinking completely went away, so did my swearing, unless random events game up things would come up in my head, but never out of my mouth.

Eventually I got on my face and cried out loud, it was really heart felt this time, different then I had ever prayed. I told the Lord I was sorry, I knew I sinned against Him, I knew He died on the cross, and that I needed to look to Him for salvation, I told Him that I the law was so much to bear and I can't do it without Him, and I told Him I would rely on the cross from now on, and that I trusted Him for my salvation.

All of a sudden things changed. My masturbation and pornography went away completely and without even trying. Satan would tempt me and I would simply just be like "nope not gonna happen", and the tempting went away. I had this strong assurance knowing without a doubt I was saved. This lasted for about a month. And then the temptation began getting worse and worse. I started giving in again, He was using different tactics by popping images in my head that I once had, or of previous relationships etc, and although it doesn't excuse it, I felt like the temptation was too much (I Know this isn't true). I began giving in again and it seems like it's every other day now. And since I've given in, I don't have the knowledge of my Salvation anymore, I have this sense that I was never saved. And my prayer life and bible is dicipating because of this struggle I never feel like reading or praying, and school is overwhelming me, and when I finish my homework I just feel like watching T.V. and then every night when I go to bed Satan begins tempting me again and it seems the only times I don't give in are the nights where he doesn't tempt me.

During this whole time I have also had anger issues, while driving etc. And in my mind I am constantly making fun of random people or thinking people are idiots etc. And then I think about it, and a Christian shouldn't be constantly thinking things like this. Even while I was avoiding the masturbation and pornography for a month, these things were still in my life.

I've cried to God several times to help me, and yet it seems like nothing helps. With the pornography and masturbation I feel as if I can overcome it when I am tempted, but that I don't want to. It's as if I'd rather just give in because the temptation will end sooner than if I fight it.

I've asked Him to fill me with the Spirit, I've asked Him to save me, I have this repentance where I don't want to sin, but I keep on doing it, and I have desire to do right, but I don't and I have a deep depression when I commit certain sins, but not all sins, other sins just give me a sadness, it's never a happy feeling.

It seems the more depressed I get the less I want God.

I don't know if I am saved, I feel like God's given up on me, even though I know it's me. But how do I know if I am saved, how do I get out of this depression. How can I get my mind undercontrol. I still have a pharisitical thinking personality, but it's moreso to help my assurance of salvation; not to please God. But shouldn't we be obeying Him because we love Him? Not because we "have to"? I'm sitting in baptism classes but I don't think I'm saved anymore. I feel a pull to ministry and evangelism but I don't think I'm saved... I couldn't be more confused right now.

 

[RobertZ]

Hello,

Let me give some brief background of who I am and explain my situation. I am 21 years old, I was raised in a Christian/Baptist home my entire life. When I was 5 I asked my mom how to become a Christian (if I remember properly, I didn't want to become saved but I was interested in the process), my mom had me prayer the sinners prayer with her and I began to cry, though I couldn't explain why. When I grew up I thought I was saved just because I prayed a prayer, and cause Jesus (who is God) died for me and rose again. I lived no different than any of my other friends. I had a heart that was bigger than most, as in I felt bad when people made fun of other's, but I had no desire for prayer or for the word unless I wanted something for Christmas. I went to AWANA my whole life, and sat in Church, went to youth group, mission trips etc, but I hated all of these. I never wanted to go.

Then when I turn 17, I went away from the Church and I couldn't care less. I began sleeping around with people all the time, pornography, swearing, almost every kind of sin you can think of I was involved in other than drinking and drug addictions. I lived this way for about 3 years until I broke up with my ex who lived in Colorado, and then I moved back to where I am originally from (California). During the ages 5-20 I would have glimpses of death, real situations, in dreams, and trouble breathing where I'd hold my breath at night and death became so frightining to me that I prayed the sinners prayer so many times because of a fear for Hell.

When I turned 20, I signed up for the military basically to make money, get money for school, and I heard it was easy to get girls and there was a lot of drinking. Now I hadn't been heavily drinking, but I just started when I was about 19 or so (no drugs, thankfully). So the military sounded like Heaven on earth to me, when all of a sudden me and my friend were talking in the car and I was I told him, "I don't feel like I should be going into the military, for some reason I feel like I should be getting involved in ministry, and I don't know why." I talked to my old Pastor about this and we came to the terms that for 1 I was never saved, and I need to get this settled before I get involved in ministry, although I still feel a strong call for it.

Now, since I had this awakening while talking to my friend, I began going to Church because I knew it was the right thing to do, and my friend started attending with me. At this time I had re-prayed a form of the sinners prayer, but with more meaning, and I felt like I was actually devoting my life to God. However, there was a problem. There was very little change. I stopped sleeping with people, I stopped drinking as much, and I stopped swearing and using the Lord in vain. However, pornography and masturbation and a lot of other stuff was involved in my life. The first service I attended was about masturbation, and my friend said "wow, I never knew it was so bad." And I knew it was something I had to stop. So slowly it began to drift away, but never completely. I also began having an immense desire to be in the word and pray. Church now had a priority, I loved going. But this sin was still there, and every time I gave in I had less desire to read and less desire to pray. I began to get into the Pharisitical thinking, where I had to obey these sins, and it began feeling like I was trying to earn the Lords favor... not salvation (I thought I was saved because of this desire for him), but His favor by not sinning. I understand that you cannot earn His favor by not sinning but I STILL (right now as I write this) feel that I need to obey these commands to make Him happy with me. And during this time my drinking completely went away, so did my swearing, unless random events game up things would come up in my head, but never out of my mouth.

Eventually I got on my face and cried out loud, it was really heart felt this time, different then I had ever prayed. I told the Lord I was sorry, I knew I sinned against Him, I knew He died on the cross, and that I needed to look to Him for salvation, I told Him that I the law was so much to bear and I can't do it without Him, and I told Him I would rely on the cross from now on, and that I trusted Him for my salvation.

All of a sudden things changed. My masturbation and pornography went away completely and without even trying. Satan would tempt me and I would simply just be like "nope not gonna happen", and the tempting went away. I had this strong assurance knowing without a doubt I was saved. This lasted for about a month. And then the temptation began getting worse and worse. I started giving in again, He was using different tactics by popping images in my head that I once had, or of previous relationships etc, and although it doesn't excuse it, I felt like the temptation was too much (I Know this isn't true). I began giving in again and it seems like it's every other day now. And since I've given in, I don't have the knowledge of my Salvation anymore, I have this sense that I was never saved. And my prayer life and bible is dicipating because of this struggle I never feel like reading or praying, and school is overwhelming me, and when I finish my homework I just feel like watching T.V. and then every night when I go to bed Satan begins tempting me again and it seems the only times I don't give in are the nights where he doesn't tempt me.

During this whole time I have also had anger issues, while driving etc. And in my mind I am constantly making fun of random people or thinking people are idiots etc. And then I think about it, and a Christian shouldn't be constantly thinking things like this. Even while I was avoiding the masturbation and pornography for a month, these things were still in my life.

I've cried to God several times to help me, and yet it seems like nothing helps. With the pornography and masturbation I feel as if I can overcome it when I am tempted, but that I don't want to. It's as if I'd rather just give in because the temptation will end sooner than if I fight it.

I've asked Him to fill me with the Spirit, I've asked Him to save me, I have this repentance where I don't want to sin, but I keep on doing it, and I have desire to do right, but I don't and I have a deep depression when I commit certain sins, but not all sins, other sins just give me a sadness, it's never a happy feeling.

It seems the more depressed I get the less I want God.

I don't know if I am saved, I feel like God's given up on me, even though I know it's me. But how do I know if I am saved, how do I get out of this depression. How can I get my mind undercontrol. I still have a pharisitical thinking personality, but it's moreso to help my assurance of salvation; not to please God. But shouldn't we be obeying Him because we love Him? Not because we "have to"? I'm sitting in baptism classes but I don't think I'm saved anymore. I feel a pull to ministry and evangelism but I don't think I'm saved... I couldn't be more confused right now.

Im sorry your going through this, im going through something very similar myself right now so I can emphasize with you.

 

[dies-l]

Hello,

Let me give some brief background of who I am and explain my situation. I am 21 years old, I was raised in a Christian/Baptist home my entire life. When I was 5 I asked my mom how to become a Christian (if I remember properly, I didn't want to become saved but I was interested in the process), my mom had me prayer the sinners prayer with her and I began to cry, though I couldn't explain why. When I grew up I thought I was saved just because I prayed a prayer, and cause Jesus (who is God) died for me and rose again. I lived no different than any of my other friends. I had a heart that was bigger than most, as in I felt bad when people made fun of other's, but I had no desire for prayer or for the word unless I wanted something for Christmas. I went to AWANA my whole life, and sat in Church, went to youth group, mission trips etc, but I hated all of these. I never wanted to go.

Then when I turn 17, I went away from the Church and I couldn't care less. I began sleeping around with people all the time, pornography, swearing, almost every kind of sin you can think of I was involved in other than drinking and drug addictions. I lived this way for about 3 years until I broke up with my ex who lived in Colorado, and then I moved back to where I am originally from (California). During the ages 5-20 I would have glimpses of death, real situations, in dreams, and trouble breathing where I'd hold my breath at night and death became so frightining to me that I prayed the sinners prayer so many times because of a fear for Hell.

When I turned 20, I signed up for the military basically to make money, get money for school, and I heard it was easy to get girls and there was a lot of drinking. Now I hadn't been heavily drinking, but I just started when I was about 19 or so (no drugs, thankfully). So the military sounded like Heaven on earth to me, when all of a sudden me and my friend were talking in the car and I was I told him, "I don't feel like I should be going into the military, for some reason I feel like I should be getting involved in ministry, and I don't know why." I talked to my old Pastor about this and we came to the terms that for 1 I was never saved, and I need to get this settled before I get involved in ministry, although I still feel a strong call for it.

Now, since I had this awakening while talking to my friend, I began going to Church because I knew it was the right thing to do, and my friend started attending with me. At this time I had re-prayed a form of the sinners prayer, but with more meaning, and I felt like I was actually devoting my life to God. However, there was a problem. There was very little change. I stopped sleeping with people, I stopped drinking as much, and I stopped swearing and using the Lord in vain. However, pornography and masturbation and a lot of other stuff was involved in my life. The first service I attended was about masturbation, and my friend said "wow, I never knew it was so bad." And I knew it was something I had to stop. So slowly it began to drift away, but never completely. I also began having an immense desire to be in the word and pray. Church now had a priority, I loved going. But this sin was still there, and every time I gave in I had less desire to read and less desire to pray. I began to get into the Pharisitical thinking, where I had to obey these sins, and it began feeling like I was trying to earn the Lords favor... not salvation (I thought I was saved because of this desire for him), but His favor by not sinning. I understand that you cannot earn His favor by not sinning but I STILL (right now as I write this) feel that I need to obey these commands to make Him happy with me. And during this time my drinking completely went away, so did my swearing, unless random events game up things would come up in my head, but never out of my mouth.

Eventually I got on my face and cried out loud, it was really heart felt this time, different then I had ever prayed. I told the Lord I was sorry, I knew I sinned against Him, I knew He died on the cross, and that I needed to look to Him for salvation, I told Him that I the law was so much to bear and I can't do it without Him, and I told Him I would rely on the cross from now on, and that I trusted Him for my salvation.

All of a sudden things changed. My masturbation and pornography went away completely and without even trying. Satan would tempt me and I would simply just be like "nope not gonna happen", and the tempting went away. I had this strong assurance knowing without a doubt I was saved. This lasted for about a month. And then the temptation began getting worse and worse. I started giving in again, He was using different tactics by popping images in my head that I once had, or of previous relationships etc, and although it doesn't excuse it, I felt like the temptation was too much (I Know this isn't true). I began giving in again and it seems like it's every other day now. And since I've given in, I don't have the knowledge of my Salvation anymore, I have this sense that I was never saved. And my prayer life and bible is dicipating because of this struggle I never feel like reading or praying, and school is overwhelming me, and when I finish my homework I just feel like watching T.V. and then every night when I go to bed Satan begins tempting me again and it seems the only times I don't give in are the nights where he doesn't tempt me.

During this whole time I have also had anger issues, while driving etc. And in my mind I am constantly making fun of random people or thinking people are idiots etc. And then I think about it, and a Christian shouldn't be constantly thinking things like this. Even while I was avoiding the masturbation and pornography for a month, these things were still in my life.

I've cried to God several times to help me, and yet it seems like nothing helps. With the pornography and masturbation I feel as if I can overcome it when I am tempted, but that I don't want to. It's as if I'd rather just give in because the temptation will end sooner than if I fight it.

I've asked Him to fill me with the Spirit, I've asked Him to save me, I have this repentance where I don't want to sin, but I keep on doing it, and I have desire to do right, but I don't and I have a deep depression when I commit certain sins, but not all sins, other sins just give me a sadness, it's never a happy feeling.

It seems the more depressed I get the less I want God.

I don't know if I am saved, I feel like God's given up on me, even though I know it's me. But how do I know if I am saved, how do I get out of this depression. How can I get my mind undercontrol. I still have a pharisitical thinking personality, but it's moreso to help my assurance of salvation; not to please God. But shouldn't we be obeying Him because we love Him? Not because we "have to"? I'm sitting in baptism classes but I don't think I'm saved anymore. I feel a pull to ministry and evangelism but I don't think I'm saved... I couldn't be more confused right now.

What you describe is a struggle that millions of Christian men (and even some women) struggle with everyday. I would encourage to see whether your church or a church in your area offers Celebrate Recovery or a similar program based on a Christian understanding of the 12 steps, specifically addressing sexual addictions. I participated in such a group for a couple of years, and I saw that the men who took it seriously experienced real change, especially in the realm of pornography. If not, I would still encourage you to look up the 12 steps on the internet and being applying them to your life (replacing the words "alcohol/alcohlism" with "sex/porn/sex obsessions" and "God as we understood him" with "Jesus Christ."

Although I have struggled with pornogrpahy at various phases in my life, my drug of choice has always been alcohol. Practicing the 12 steps (which is a very biblical approach, BTW) has given me freedom from alcohol for almost 6 years. At one point in my sobriety, I realized that the same steps could be applied to my obsession with porn, and I have been free from that for some time now as well.

It is important to realize in all of the this that salvation does not make us perfect. Justification and sanctification are two related by different things. Justification takes place when we first sincerely decide to place our faith in Christ. Sanctification is a process, which follows justification and takes much time. It sounds like the Lord is working on your sancitifation right now, which is something to be grateful for. I know that it can be discouraging to see tha same sin issues pop into your life over and over again, but please do not interpret this as a question of your salvation. The fact that you are pained by your sin and that you want to overcome it is evidence of the Lord working in your life.

God bless.

 

[dies-l]

Ultimately, we need to seek God's power, not our own, for healing in our lives. But, we also need to do what God calls us to do. We are called to believe, we are called to confess our sin, we are called to love one another, we are called to pray, we are called to search ourselves, and we are even called to wait on the Lord. But, if a person decides that he does not want to believe, confess, love, pray, and/or search himself, but he wants only to wait for God to fix him, can that person rightfully stand before God and say, "I waited for you to fix me, but you never did! What kind of God are you?" God could righfully respond to that person by saying, "I gave you the tools; I laid them right out there in front of you; I taught you how to use them, even at the expense of my own Son; but, you refused to use them and for that you suffered unnecessarily. I love you dearly, but I will not make you do anything that you do not wish to do, and your refusal to use the tools I give you demonstrates how little you trust me and how unwilling you are to be made well."

 

[Unconventional]

I am mostly ignorant of this topic, so there isn't much substance I can add to substantiate either an argument for or against the 12 step program. However, I believe that it is safe to assume that it this program has worked for a significant number of people. Maybe it doesn't work for every one and maybe not even most, but it very well may work more than any other method. Ok, so the name Lord Jesus Christ isn't mentioned. If it makes you feel better to put that name in there instead of God, then do so. I find it hard to believe that most people can just pray that they overcome an addiction of this sort and its just supposed to happen without any effort on there part. We may be sinful creatures but we're not complete idiots. God created us with the capacity to capture best practices when it comes to defeating certain negative and sinful habits. I don't understand how following a program like that while praying for God's helping in overcoming the problem by helping you to follow each step carefully until you overcome it can be misconstrued as a bad choice.

 

[trentlogain2]

Out of all the sins in my life, lust has been the one that has stuck with me. Pornography had its play, but I've been able to steer clear from that (for the most part)by the grace of God. The devil will never stop tempting me though. I'm always aware of that. Secondly, my biggest issue now is killing my flesh. Masturbation now is my achilles heel. For some reason I'm unable to shake it. I know I don't need to give into the flesh, but it's difficult. Compounding the problem (at least in my mind still) is the fact that God has called me to be single for the rest of my life. There's no problem there, because I never desired any kind of emotional bond with women in the first place. It's all been physical. So I'm caught with placing all my needs in Jesus' hands, except my physical desires. Obviously that's not going to happen in this life so what am I going to do. I've experienced bitterness, resentment, and even anger towards God. It's all not good. I know my race is almost done in this life anyway. My biggest fear is that I'm going to die with these feelings and not finish my race well. That scares me. Not in a salvation way, but I know I might have to answer Christ for harbored emotions that still might be in my heart before I die. Please pray for me that I will find peace with God with the calling He's place upon me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As for the OP..I would take all comments concerning whether a person doesn't know if he's saved or not seriously.. When all else fails, know that God knows our hearts. The Bible says that he knows our thoughts afar off. I post that disclaimer and then say this: To me it seems by your testimony that you are saved. It appears to me that it's because of sin that He has withdrawn his presence from you. I can relate. I have the assurance that I'm saved. He's blessed me with his presence so many times on this side of glory that I'll never be able to forget. It's just when I mess up I don't feel him as strong as when I'm walking in The Spirit.

Anyway, I know I've rambled. I end by saying this: Don't take my word for it. Trust Jesus.

 

[FreeinChrist]

faceofbear,
You are going through what many Christians do. Please remember that we are not saved on the basis of our holiness but on Christ's holiness. While we still deal with the body of flesh in this life, a believer is spiritually saved and will be saved physically at the resurrection.
That does not mean we should give in to temptation, but it gives us security in regards to salvation. We are to turn our temptations over to Christ and pray for help in dealing with it.
Please continue to discuss this with your pastor.

 

[Mabel11]

Hello,

Let me give some brief background of who I am and explain my situation. I am 21 years old, I was raised in a Christian/Baptist home my entire life. When I was 5 I asked my mom how to become a Christian (if I remember properly, I didn't want to become saved but I was interested in the process), my mom had me prayer the sinners prayer with her and I began to cry, though I couldn't explain why. When I grew up I thought I was saved just because I prayed a prayer, and cause Jesus (who is God) died for me and rose again. I lived no different than any of my other friends. I had a heart that was bigger than most, as in I felt bad when people made fun of other's, but I had no desire for prayer or for the word unless I wanted something for Christmas. I went to AWANA my whole life, and sat in Church, went to youth group, mission trips etc, but I hated all of these. I never wanted to go.

Then when I turn 17, I went away from the Church and I couldn't care less. I began sleeping around with people all the time, pornography, swearing, almost every kind of sin you can think of I was involved in other than drinking and drug addictions. I lived this way for about 3 years until I broke up with my ex who lived in Colorado, and then I moved back to where I am originally from (California). During the ages 5-20 I would have glimpses of death, real situations, in dreams, and trouble breathing where I'd hold my breath at night and death became so frightining to me that I prayed the sinners prayer so many times because of a fear for Hell.

When I turned 20, I signed up for the military basically to make money, get money for school, and I heard it was easy to get girls and there was a lot of drinking. Now I hadn't been heavily drinking, but I just started when I was about 19 or so (no drugs, thankfully). So the military sounded like Heaven on earth to me, when all of a sudden me and my friend were talking in the car and I was I told him, "I don't feel like I should be going into the military, for some reason I feel like I should be getting involved in ministry, and I don't know why." I talked to my old Pastor about this and we came to the terms that for 1 I was never saved, and I need to get this settled before I get involved in ministry, although I still feel a strong call for it.

Now, since I had this awakening while talking to my friend, I began going to Church because I knew it was the right thing to do, and my friend started attending with me. At this time I had re-prayed a form of the sinners prayer, but with more meaning, and I felt like I was actually devoting my life to God. However, there was a problem. There was very little change. I stopped sleeping with people, I stopped drinking as much, and I stopped swearing and using the Lord in vain. However, pornography and masturbation and a lot of other stuff was involved in my life. The first service I attended was about masturbation, and my friend said "wow, I never knew it was so bad." And I knew it was something I had to stop. So slowly it began to drift away, but never completely. I also began having an immense desire to be in the word and pray. Church now had a priority, I loved going. But this sin was still there, and every time I gave in I had less desire to read and less desire to pray. I began to get into the Pharisitical thinking, where I had to obey these sins, and it began feeling like I was trying to earn the Lords favor... not salvation (I thought I was saved because of this desire for him), but His favor by not sinning. I understand that you cannot earn His favor by not sinning but I STILL (right now as I write this) feel that I need to obey these commands to make Him happy with me. And during this time my drinking completely went away, so did my swearing, unless random events game up things would come up in my head, but never out of my mouth.

Eventually I got on my face and cried out loud, it was really heart felt this time, different then I had ever prayed. I told the Lord I was sorry, I knew I sinned against Him, I knew He died on the cross, and that I needed to look to Him for salvation, I told Him that I the law was so much to bear and I can't do it without Him, and I told Him I would rely on the cross from now on, and that I trusted Him for my salvation.

All of a sudden things changed. My masturbation and pornography went away completely and without even trying. Satan would tempt me and I would simply just be like "nope not gonna happen", and the tempting went away. I had this strong assurance knowing without a doubt I was saved. This lasted for about a month. And then the temptation began getting worse and worse. I started giving in again, He was using different tactics by popping images in my head that I once had, or of previous relationships etc, and although it doesn't excuse it, I felt like the temptation was too much (I Know this isn't true). I began giving in again and it seems like it's every other day now. And since I've given in, I don't have the knowledge of my Salvation anymore, I have this sense that I was never saved. And my prayer life and bible is dicipating because of this struggle I never feel like reading or praying, and school is overwhelming me, and when I finish my homework I just feel like watching T.V. and then every night when I go to bed Satan begins tempting me again and it seems the only times I don't give in are the nights where he doesn't tempt me.

During this whole time I have also had anger issues, while driving etc. And in my mind I am constantly making fun of random people or thinking people are idiots etc. And then I think about it, and a Christian shouldn't be constantly thinking things like this. Even while I was avoiding the masturbation and pornography for a month, these things were still in my life.

I've cried to God several times to help me, and yet it seems like nothing helps. With the pornography and masturbation I feel as if I can overcome it when I am tempted, but that I don't want to. It's as if I'd rather just give in because the temptation will end sooner than if I fight it.

I've asked Him to fill me with the Spirit, I've asked Him to save me, I have this repentance where I don't want to sin, but I keep on doing it, and I have desire to do right, but I don't and I have a deep depression when I commit certain sins, but not all sins, other sins just give me a sadness, it's never a happy feeling.

It seems the more depressed I get the less I want God.

I don't know if I am saved, I feel like God's given up on me, even though I know it's me. But how do I know if I am saved, how do I get out of this depression. How can I get my mind undercontrol. I still have a pharisitical thinking personality, but it's moreso to help my assurance of salvation; not to please God. But shouldn't we be obeying Him because we love Him? Not because we "have to"? I'm sitting in baptism classes but I don't think I'm saved anymore. I feel a pull to ministry and evangelism but I don't think I'm saved... I couldn't be more confused right now.

Hellk

 

[Mabel11]

Hello ,
This was a long time ago , I hope you are rest assured now , I’ll pray for you .
I’m 17 and currently have the same issue , it’s like this fear has settled within me . I pray for salvation every night , I try and obey the Lord , but my thoughts betray me a lot , there’s this anger about things I don’t understand (like why God let Job suffer so much .) I have a lot of lustful thoughts and I’m scared . I don’t know how to stop them and I dont feel bad about them , I just know God doesn’t like them and I can understand it all in my head but it’s like my heart wouldn’t budge . I feel like i have changed a lot don’t get me wrong, but I’m terrified of God and hell, I’m not sure he loves me . I know the truth , I know Jesus Christ died because I’m a sinner and what’s more I know I am one , but a lot of the time this pride perks up in me that I’m not as bad as other people and I hate it cause I know we have all fallen short of his glory . I want to feel the way Christians should feel but I don’t , I’ve asked God to open my eyes if I’m blind , give me peace if I’m exaggerating , and for some time I’m okay , but then I’ll read an article on ‘how to tell if you are a Christian.’ And I wouldnt have a lot of the things listed ie I wouldn’t be sure ,like I wouldn’t be able to tell, I get upset when preachers say what I don’t want to hear and I want to punch them , but when that feeling settles I know they’re right and I know they love me . And after some time I dont want to punch them anymore . I’m questioning everyone’s salvation , including my own, so who do I turn to ? What if God is done with my outbursts of anger that he wouldn’t save me ? What if my heart is to hard to change , I feel like God doesn’t feel anything for me . And you know the clavanist thing ? Heard of it a while ago , what if that’s the problem ! What if he didn’t elect or predestine me ?I'm terrified he’s ready to wheel me off into hell , I feel like my bible reading is something I have to do or he’ll strike me with lightning and praying is hard cause what’s the point of praying if God doesn’t love me ? I feel like I was doing great once , but now all I am is scared please pray for me .
God bless everyone .

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hello ,
This was a long time ago , I hope you are rest assured now , I’ll pray for you .
I’m 17 and currently have the same issue , it’s like this fear has settled within me . I pray for salvation every night , I try and obey the Lord , but my thoughts betray me a lot , there’s this anger about things I don’t understand (like why God let Job suffer so much .) I have a lot of lustful thoughts and I’m scared . I don’t know how to stop them and I dont feel bad about them , I just know God doesn’t like them and I can understand it all in my head but it’s like my heart wouldn’t budge . I feel like i have changed a lot don’t get me wrong, but I’m terrified of God and hell, I’m not sure he loves me . I know the truth , I know Jesus Christ died because I’m a sinner and what’s more I know I am one , but a lot of the time this pride perks up in me that I’m not as bad as other people and I hate it cause I know we have all fallen short of his glory . I want to feel the way Christians should feel but I don’t , I’ve asked God to open my eyes if I’m blind , give me peace if I’m exaggerating , and for some time I’m okay , but then I’ll read an article on ‘how to tell if you are a Christian.’ And I wouldnt have a lot of the things listed ie I wouldn’t be sure ,like I wouldn’t be able to tell, I get upset when preachers say what I don’t want to hear and I want to punch them , but when that feeling settles I know they’re right and I know they love me . And after some time I dont want to punch them anymore . I’m questioning everyone’s salvation , including my own, so who do I turn to ? What if God is done with my outbursts of anger that he wouldn’t save me ? What if my heart is to hard to change , I feel like God doesn’t feel anything for me . And you know the clavanist thing ? Heard of it a while ago , what if that’s the problem ! What if he didn’t elect or predestine me ?I'm terrified he’s ready to wheel me off into hell , I feel like my bible reading is something I have to do or he’ll strike me with lightning and praying is hard cause what’s the point of praying if God doesn’t love me ? I feel like I was doing great once , but now all I am is scared please pray for me .
God bless everyone .

Hey... I think you need to speak with a reformed pastor in person if you can..

Just because you fall back into sin doesn't mean your not saved, but it doesn't excuse it either.

Saved people have a desire to please God, a change of heart about the way they feel about sin. It doesn't have to seem like a monumental change at first, it's a seed that grows when its watered.

 

[BibleBeliever1611]

If anyone is struggling with similar issues, a good thing to remember is that whenever you are confused, that confusion didn't come from God, nor from the Bible. That's because God is not the author of confusion - Satan is.

"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints." - 1 Corinthians 14:33