Why do guys have a problem with Best friends?

[siqonia]

Hmm. My BFF and I have been really close. We've gone through a lot together.
So, some things are - Guys have a problem with us being close friends. Her boyfriend disliked me for the longest time. Some guy just told me that we wouldn't work out because of my best friend.
So, what is the problem?
We're friends, thats it.

So, do guys have problems with girls having really good friends?

 

[CoachR64]

For girls, the "best friend" has a lot more significance and meaning then it does for most guys I know. It is almost like a non-sexual committed relationship. A lot of guys feel threatened and even jealous of the attention devoted to the best friend.

Guys hate competing with the best friend for time and attention. If they feel they are not the focus of your attention, they may just move on and find someone who is.

Now, I am not saying that you should drop your best friend. That would be silly. However, you may need to scale down on the time spent with her AND how much you talk about her with your boyfriend.

I think for a lot of girls, things go a lot smoother when both friends are dating guys at the same time. It reduces the competition for time and attention.

Coach

 

[siqonia]

Haha, my ability to get a boyfriend is that of a pencils ability to lift weights, it ain't gunna happen.

 

[ulu]

Haha, my ability to get a boyfriend is that of a pencils ability to lift weights, it ain't gunna happen.

18 and so optimisitc!

 

[PureSolace]

Hmm. My BFF and I have been really close. We've gone through a lot together.
So, some things are - Guys have a problem with us being close friends. Her boyfriend disliked me for the longest time. Some guy just told me that we wouldn't work out because of my best friend.
So, what is the problem?
We're friends, thats it.

So, do guys have problems with girls having really good friends?

Not enough information. (I'd have to know you. If I did, then I'm sure I'd be able to give you an answer.)

 

[acropolis]

Knowing nothing else about the situation, it can be irritating having to date a girl's friends in addition to her, in a sense. It seems that women give their friends a great deal of decision-making power, which can lead to power struggles. Also, women seem to share every last detail about their relationships with their friends, which destroys any confidentiality for the relationship and is a breach of trust.

That's what I've experienced anyway, your problem could be completely different.

 

[KarrieTex]

I had one guy do that to me. I simply got up and opened the door.

I told him that she and I have been best friends/sisters in spirit since we were 14 and I am not going to drop her for a guy who is not my husband. Nor am I going to not confide in her when I need to vent, cry, or seek advice on. She knows me better than he does.

But I will have to say that she had been married, divorced and had 2 children. I have been engaged, commited and single.

I also have another best friend from my college years and she too is married with a brand new baby. I am not going to change my relationship with them because of a boy's insecurity.

You can't throw good women friendships of 23 years and 15 years because of a boys insecurities about his place in your life or the fact he is not number one.

 

[Im_A]

Hmm. My BFF and I have been really close. We've gone through a lot together.
So, some things are - Guys have a problem with us being close friends. Her boyfriend disliked me for the longest time. Some guy just told me that we wouldn't work out because of my best friend.
So, what is the problem?
We're friends, thats it.

So, do guys have problems with girls having really good friends?

i don't know about other guys but i don't have a problem with that.

the only time it would ever become a problem would be if the woman would let the best friend dictate where the relationship goes. a 3rd party should never be an influence. if a person can't make a desicion on their own conscience and beliefs in the relationship, then they should not be in a relationship as far as i'm concerned. that kind of insecurity hurts and ruins things so easily. plus what guy can really make 2 women happy? its hard enough making one happy.

but that's the only imaginable way i can think of me having a problem with a girl's best friend. i have my best friends. its a part of life and a part of the couples' lives. but the minute the power is given to the best friend and not the girl then there's a huge problem that has to be worked on and done with quickly as far as i'm concerned.

 

[ChrisB803]

In general I would encourage a girlfriend to continue to cultivate her female friendships. After all, every one of us needs a trusted person to provide outside perspective on the relationship. I would caution the women, however, that there's also going to be outside opinions about their best friends (some of which can come from the boyfriend), and such opinions shouldn't simply be dismissed out of hand because of the length/depth of that relationship. Remember, the guy you're dating may be the man you marry; you will never reach that level of depth with your best friend. So, listen to the women in your life, but be aware if SHE is showing signs of jealousy about your boyfriend.

The other thing that occurs to me is this: There are two things that really bother a boyfriend when it comes to a best friend. The first is when you're constantly quoting the best friend in conversation (IE, "Well Sarah thinks THIS about THAT). He doesn't want to hear HER opinions from you. If he cared what she thought, he'd ask her. The second thing is if she's actually included in more than a few of your activities. If she's always hanging around the two of you, and you're giving her a large portion of your attention, that's a problem.

Are some guys overly sensitive about this? Probably. But if your guy expresses a problem with it, don't dismiss it out of hand: Examine whether he has a legitimate gripe, and then make a decision.

 

[BoarderDave]

Some guys feel like in order to have the greatest relationship possible, they need to be number 1 in your life. With such a close friend, they feel they will always be number 2.

..and it's never very fun to come after another person. In a relationship, it's all the best when you know you will first turn to your mate, and they'll turn to you prior to anybody else also.

 

[BlueMidnight]

^^^^^^^^^ What he said

 

[latteda]

If you care more about your best friend's opinion than your boyfriends, I can see where that would be an issue.

Also, if you talk to the best friend about the guy in a way where he feels disrespected. That would be bad.

Ok I'm not a guy so I guess I should get out of here.

 

[traingosorry]

I support friendships of the same sex, but I don't think one should be close or as close to their friend of the opposite sex as they are to their SO. Friends are good to bounce ideas off of and get some outside perspective but they should never be a replacement for the other person when it comes to confiding about personal relationship matters.
It can ruin relationships.

 

[Yekcidmij]

So, do guys have problems with girls having really good friends?

Depends. Is that best friend a guy? As a guy, I know that I wouldn't have a girl as a "best friend" if I wasn't interestened in her. It's for sure that if a guy is your best friend, and you are a girl, he's interested.

 

[soccerdad66]

Humm, maybe I ran with a different group of friends, but we (myself included) preferred that girls had a BFF, that way she'd have someone to hang with while we played Softball, Waterski, soccer, etc.

If she wanted to spend every waking hour with me, that was way too much!

I had a couple of friends that preferred they drop all there other friends for them while they dated, but ironically, they were the ones who would manipulate them.

 

[ChooseTheRight]

If the best friend is another girl, then i dont see where the problem is. If the best friend was another guy. Then i wouldnt even date her. I may be insecure, but im not competing with another guy, for MY girls love.

 

[latteda]

Depends. Is that best friend a guy? As a guy, I know that I wouldn't have a girl as a "best friend" if I wasn't interestened in her. It's for sure that if a guy is your best friend, and you are a girl, he's interested.

Oh noooooooo. Really?

 

[TwistTim]

God should always be first in any person's life.... that should be without Question......

women need their friendships..... of different kinds.... most guys don't get that, they think life should be one exclusive relationship to the next.... even if they have buddies, their not close friends... it's just the way guys are wired.... and they don't understand the need for friendships, as they age they tend to get this better...... never let go of your best friend... even if your relationship changes over time, you will need each other to lean on during hard times and rejoice with in good times..... just make sure your two separate people that actually do separate things now and again rather than being a matched set that's always together.....

 

[TwistTim]

Depends. Is that best friend a guy? As a guy, I know that I wouldn't have a girl as a "best friend" if I wasn't interestened in her. It's for sure that if a guy is your best friend, and you are a girl, he's interested.

Not true at all.... I've had several ladies I was a friend too and a few thought of me as their best friend.... but I was always just the best man helping them wait for the groom........ and there when they needed someone to listen to them..... two of them were at the time my best friends.... and I wouldn't have dated either of those......

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Not enough information. (I'd have to know you. If I did, then I'm sure I'd be able to give you an answer.)

I was just thinking that it's more likely the problem is the individuals, not just "friendship".