Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Eudaimonist]

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Ayn Rand: To withdraw her support from the mystic-collectivists who have been destroying the world in an orgy of chicken-sacrifices, and so to pursue her own happiness by the moral code of the free producer, which she will explain in a twelve hour speech.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

St Paul: For he who was predestined before all creation to cross this road, by the power of the crossing made manifest in him, shall in all things prevail, and nothing in Heaven and Earth, neither any power or principality, shall stop Him from crossing. Press on to what lies ahead, and imitate me, young chick.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

 

[Orontes]

Then I think we can safely say with Churchill it is: "a Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma"

 

[kiwimac]

egad!

 

[Soul Searcher]

To avoid the guy on the corner shouting the end is at hand.

 

[Lonnie]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Here are some more awnsers to "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"[/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Arthur Andersen Consultant's Answer:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
the creation of a total business integration solution. (Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful."[/font]

"[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!"[/font]

"[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us"[/font]

"[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before."[/font]

"[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?"[/font]

"[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace."[/font]

 

[MoonlessNight]

Mozi: Because such an action would increase the number of chickens, the wealth among chickens, and the order in the chicken state.

Zhaungzi: Did the chicken really cross the road? Perhaps I dreamt that I saw the chicken cross the road. Perhaps I am only dreamt that that I dreamt that I saw the chicken cross the road.

Thomas Aquinas: Whether the Chicken Crossed the Road?

Obj. 1: It would seem that the chicken did not cross the road, because it is not in a chicken's nature to cross the road.

Obj. 2: It would seem that the chicken did not cross the road, because it would be more beneficial for the chicken to stay on this side of the road.

Obj. 3: It would seem that the chicken did not cross the road, for there are many chickens on both sides of the road. So the simpler explanation states that we confused a chicken on this side of the road for a chicken on the other side of the road. And according to Occam, the simpler explanation is more likely.

On the Contrary, many witnesses have recorded the sighting of the chicken crossing the road.

I answer that, there come times in a chicken's life when staying on one side of the road is not satisfactory, and to further pursue its own happiness and that of others it must seek other locations. Now it may be that to do this it will have to cross a road. Since it is a good for the chicken to increase its own happiness, and since the action is not prohibited, it would then seem the best course of action for the chicken to cross the road despite the risks that may be involved. So it is appropriate that chickens should cross roads, and we should not distrust the testimony of witnesses.

This suffices as a response to objections 1 and 2.

Reply to Obj. 3 - Occam's Razor is only a general guide when presented with two theoretical possibilities. In the case that one possibility has evidence for it, or is more appropriate and plausible, then it is not correct to apply it, as is the case here.

 

[BrownCoat]

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Precisely.

You'd know that if you'd read The Prince.

 

[Murmur]

42! Indeed!

 

[pinqy]

Bah. The chicken crossed the road to show the armadillo that it could be done.

 

[Abbadon]

The bald spoon kid from the Matrix: Do not watch the chicken didn't cross the road. That is impossible. Instead, only realize that that it is you who is crossing the road.

The Oracle: Would it have crossed the road if I hadn't asked the question?

Morpheus: Do you think that's a road it's crossing now?

The Architect: Blah blah blah blah blah, ergo, blah blah blah blah blah, vis-a-vis, blah blah blah blah, thus, blah chicken blah blah blah blah, therefore, blah blah blah blah blah, which means that blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah road blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

The bird didn't intentionally cross the road. The coyote's path to the just happened to be perpendicular to the road.

 

[morningstar2651]

Alexandrian/Gardnerian: To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy. I can say, though, that it really is an ancient rite, dating far back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.

Asatru: First, we don't believe in a "One Chicken" or a "Hen and Rooster." We believe in many chickens. Second, "crossing the road" is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the Chickens!

British Traditional: The word "chicken" comes from a very specific Old English word ("gechekken"), and it only properly applies to certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be confused with the modern roads....

Celtic: In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer's day, there is still practiced St. Henny's Dance, which is a survival of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today, modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the Green Rooster.

Ceremonial: "Crossing the road" is a phrase that summarizes many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce the energy necessary for the intention of the travel across the road. For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the other side of the road), and the chicken had to prepare herself through fasting and proper incantations. Note certain forms of invocation (summoning an egg inside your chicken self) can produce abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a properly erected barnyard.

Chaos: Thinking in terms of "roads" and "crossings" is simply looking at the formal, typically perceived structure of chicken crossing space-time. We, instead, focus on the possibility of chicken crossing itself; what appears to be a random act is thus actually the norm --- it is the road which is the freak of chance. Indeed, quantum mechanics now demonstrates what we knew all along two roads can simultaneously exist in the same place at the same time. Thus, by attuning ourselves to the dynamic energy (called "crossing"), we can manifest the road. Of course, to the unknowledgeable, this appears as a chicken crossing the road.

Dianic: The chykyn ("chicken" is term of patriarchal oppression) sought to reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road, after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.

Discordian: [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]-a-doodle-doo!

Druid: To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash, based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken sacrifices in the past, but that is over now...

Eclectic: Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian style corn and a Celtic sounding word for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her Corn-name, Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.

Faery: In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the roads. Reconnecting with these "fey-fowl" as they cross is crucial to restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and living with the earth.

Family Traditional: Growing up, we didn't think much about "crossing the road." A chicken was a chicken. It crossed the road because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard and less with all this "guardians of the chickencoop" business. We didn't get our concepts of "chickens" or "the other side" from Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did not "scratch down" on paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!), but that doesn't change the facts there were real chickens, and they really did cross the road!

Kitchen Witch: The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have chicken for supper!

Left Hand Path: White, fluffy chickens prancing across the road ! Do you think that is all there is to crossing the road? Do you dare to know the dark side of crossing the road and the other path to self-development?

New Age: The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one her lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other Side.

Newbie: well, 'cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like, chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?

Posting on an Online Discussion Group: What the hell do you mean 'why did the chicken cross the road?'

!!!??? Haven't you read any of the previous posts? We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote 'all i wanted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking for any chicken spells' but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is not a flame. But, I and several others here have the maturity to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we didn't just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.

"Sethian"/Jane Roberts: Session 666; Wednesday, Dec. 2, 1969; 9:00 p.m. Now, you create your own chicken, each of you individually and en masse. Your physical senses fool you into believing you are seeing a chicken crossing the road, when instead, the chicken has already crossed the road, and hasn't even begun to cross the road. There is a probable chicken that never crossed the road as well. Further, because you each perceive a chicken, there is not only one chicken but, in fact, many different chickens. As I have said before, time is simultaneous. All probable versions of the chicken--past, present and future--exist at once in the spacious present. It is only because you believe [emphatically] that time is linear, with each moment followed by another in one-line kind of fashion, that you perceive the chicken taking chicken steps to get to the other side of the road. It does no good to ask "Which came first, the chicken or the egg," either, for they both exist at once in simultaneous time. [910 p.m.] Now, there are families of chicken consciousness. All life seeks value fulfillment, for consciousness is consciousness. What you perceive as a chicken may be something far different in another reality. The chicken may, for example, be a fragment personality of your entity. The chicken is no less than you are, however, simply because it is a chicken. Now, the chicken has its reality, and you have your reality. But the chicken is more than a chicken [emphatically], and you are more than you think that you are! [Pause one minute] The chicken crosses the road because it believes it can, and it does. It knows that it is sacred and that it will not die. You (underline 'you') also are sacred and you will not die. But as long as you believe that it is unsafe to cross the road, you must take chicken steps and obey the laws that you have agreed upon to get to to the other side safely. [End at 9:30 p.m. Jane came out of trance easily. She didn't remember a word she had spoken as Seth.]

Solitaire: The chicken didn't want to be part of a coven or an oven.

Shaman: Crossing the road is a way to reconnect with the healing, visionary lifeways of the past. Chickens have long known this, but increasingly the Rooster's Movement is adding more roosters to the crossings too.

Snert: Hey, are you guys really chickens? Can you giveme a spellthat will make a chicken cross the road?

Wiccan: The chicken crossed the road because she felt like she was finally "coming home." She could do it alone or with others, but she had to call to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the Barnyard first ... uhm, after casting the circle.

 

[Aduro Amnis]

These are great... I’ve been reading some transcendentalist works for school lately and I find the ones about Thoreau and Emerson excellent.

 

[blueskyboris]

Jean Chretien: To get to Canada.

 

[BrownCoat]

For a very fowl reason.