Why Date?

[hooverbranch]

Hi guys I know my opinion on dating but I would like to know where others stand on this in the Reformed Communitty.

Why Date? (marriage,other)

What is the purpose of dating in highschool?

Should you date Non-Christians?

Is dating the best choice or is Courting?

any thing else I missed.....

 

[CoffeeSwirls]

Well, based on your age I'd say that you should ask yourself the same questions you posed. Are you looking for a woman to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, to raise a family and work out a bidget with? Are you just wanting to get to know her better for non-romantic reasons or do you want to see what becomes of the date? Answer yourself honestly: What do you want to see happen during the date?

I met a girl who was not Christian, had sex with her like I had so many others, conceived with her and married her. The first six or so years of marriage were tough and we both became very apathetic toward God and church, rather than fight about it. And we did fight quite often about money, jealousy, parental responsibilities and much more. Each of us thought we were in the right and there was no mediator, such as we have in the Bible.

I have (obviously) come out of that, and my wife is a "baby Christian" as well. The Lord has been faithful to restore our love for each other, but it has not been easy. Likewise, we are at different spiritual ages, so to speak. I love to read from the Bible and she prefers to hear it from the pastor at church. This doesn't sound so bad to some, but it really can complicate things. Consider this commandment from the book of Law:

Deuteronomy 22:10
You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.

Does this mean nothing to someone who isn't farming or who has a tractor? Was the purpose of this verse good for a time, but irrelevant today? I encourage you to think on this as you consider who to seek for romantic dating purposes. Marriage is work, and when the partners aren't able to work together problems can result. For your own sake, I suggest courting Christian girls. By all means, you should be friends with others, but not for romantic purposes.

You may want to date a girl who you don't know to be Christian or not, and I don't see a problem with that. But I would find out where she stands before you get any more serious than a date. Until you find out, keep things at the friend level. I didn't do this and truly wish I had. I love my wife dearly and thank God for her, but that doesn't mean I took the best route in finding my wife.

Hope this helps!

 

[hooverbranch]

Ok I just want your guys oppinions if you want mine I dont agree with Dating in Highschool (so I never dated) and I dont agree with dating a non-christian and I believe that dating should be for the intent of marriage.

 

[hooverbranch]

Am I wrong on this... I have another thread in the Teenage section about this and everyone pretty much says I am stupid and stretching scriptures. It sounds like as long as you dont go all the way then its Ok to date for Fun because its Fun and you LEARN about the opposite sex. Am I wrong to believe that God would want me to save myself physically and emotionally for my future spouse? Am I wrong to believe that dating should only be for a prospect of marriage? Am I wrong to believe that dating in highschool isnt the smartest thing because you are in no position for marriage?

 

[CoffeeSwirls]

Again, you have to define the date. If you are out enjoying the company of a girl in a friendly way, that's fine. Whoever said that you can go to "3rd Base" but not beyond is a fool. Sexual temptation has a way of building momentum, and there is no way to let off steam once it begins to build. Your reasons for not dating are honorable, and it is fine to learn about women through friends who just so happen to be female.

I saw in a movie a few years ago that a first date was no different from an interview for a job. I believe that this concept has some wisdom to it. If you do decide to date someone, dress your best, be polite, speak up, listen, and let her know that you respect her. I am interested in knowing which verses others say you are stretching, though.

 

[Wakeup2god]

Depends how you difine 'dating'. If it's simply going out on a date that's fine but if by dating you mean getting emotionally and sometimes physically involved it's wrong.

Am I wrong to believe that God would want me to save myself physically and emotionally for my future spouse?

No you're not wrong, you're spot on.

Am I wrong to believe that dating in highschool isnt the smartest thing because you are in no position for marriage?

Again depends how you difine dating. If it's to become involved then personally I'd say no don't go there.

We tend to rush into relationships before we even know who we are or what we're actually looking for in life. It's easier to focus on who someone else is than it is to focus on and be honest about who you are. When you're happy and secure in who you are and more important who you are in God then you're in a better position to maintain and build a healthy relationship with someone else. When you find someone you feel is the right person you start courting her - with the purpose or end goal being marriage.

 

[ruby_redeemed]

Am I wrong on this... I have another thread in the Teenage section about this and everyone pretty much says I am stupid and stretching scriptures.

I don't know what scriptures you are using, but I don't thin kyou are wrong about waiting to date. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to when you date.

It sounds like as long as you dont go all the way then its Ok to date for Fun because its Fun and you LEARN about the opposite sex. Am I wrong to believe that God would want me to save myself physically and emotionally for my future spouse?

God wants you to save yourself physically, I think the Bible is pretty clear on that. But emotionally I don't know about. I do know there are better things to do then worry about your girlfriend/boysfriend.

Am I wrong to believe that dating should only be for a prospect of marriage? Am I wrong to believe that dating in highschool isnt the smartest thing because you are in no position for marriage?

I think you should date a Christian, and one that agrees with your theology. But the rest is something you have to figure out. So let me ask you a question, if you only date for the prospect of marriage, how will you determine who you want to date? When do you want to start dating?

I think you have a good theory on dating, but I wouldn't look down on people that do date in highschool. I started dating my husband in highschool.

 

[hooverbranch]

I think you have a good theory on dating, but I wouldn't look down on people that do date in highschool. I started dating my husband in highschool.

I dont look down on people who date in highschool I just think that the Majority of them are dating for the wrong reasons and it leads to emotional baggage and sometimes physical ones to.

And I would start off with a good Christian FRIENDSHIP first before I started dating a girl so I would know her well enough to know if I feel like she is suitable for marriage.

 

[erin74]

Not sure how dating works in your part of the world, but I suspect it might be a bit different to here. Over here it is fairly exclusive, and usually quite physical. So to teenagers here we say stay away from the physical side of things. Why lead yourself into temptations path if it's not necessary. Plus save it for your marriage. But that being said, I know a few people who met their spouse very young - in high school, so that is a possibility.

As for dating non-christians. The unequally yoked thing is really about business partnerships, but then all the moreso for marriage I say. Also I think God was pretty anti the Israelites from marrying outside of their faith, as it drew them away from him. Why would that be any different now. So I would agree that dating non-christians is very unwise. It is also very unloving. You are not going to consider marrying them, cause that would be wrong, so why date them. I think it is more loving to say no, I won't date you cause I would rather introduce you to Jesus - I love you enough to say that is far more important. So rather than date you now, how about you come and learn a bit about him. If you become a christian, I'll give you a year to settle in before we even talk about dating. In the meantime I won't date anyone else. Now that tells someone that they are important to you. (sorry - hobby horse...) - happy to talk further about it though!

Hope that helps

erin

 

[Wilfred of Ivanhoe]

Wow, Hooverbranch, I don't mean to puff you up, but God certainly has graced you with great wisdom for your age! Experientially speaking, I cannot say whether someone with a great walk with God can date at this age and refrain from the physical tempation. When I was 16-17, I bought the lie of the devil at as long as you stay at "3rd base" you are fine. I was brought into bondage and self-righteousness that God did not cleanse for years.

I will reiterate what others have said, avoid dating non-christians and also avoid dating people who are diametrically opposed to your views of God. The Old Testiment has many, many examples of how wicked women have done great damage to God's children. We have the examples of Israel taking foreign spouses for their sons and daughters during the period of the Judges. You have Samson and Delia, Soloman and his slew of wives.

Learn from our mistakes. I dated foolishly in high school. This could have been a great time for me to learn and to increase my skills. Instead, I was in complete bondage for years, not to mention what I probably did to this girl as well. About 5 years ago, I dropped my new Christian dating standards for a beautiful non-Christian woman who I would have not considered a few months before. It was pleasant for a while, and even platonic. However, she puffed up my pride and vanity and then dropped me. I have rarely experienced the same pain and anguish which I endured for a year or two. Keep your eyes focused on God. In spite of this and many other dating pains which I endured, I can see the hand of God guiding me through and restraining me when I could have done great wicked. In His good pleasure, God brought me to a godly woman who believes as I do. This is a rare gift and one to praise God greatly. This is a difficult time in your life, I pray that whatever may befall you, that God will use it to both His glory and your good!

 

[ruby_redeemed]

I dont look down on people who date in highschool I just think that the Majority of them are dating for the wrong reasons and it leads to emotional baggage and sometimes physical ones to.

I would agree that too many date for the wrong reasons, and it does lead to more problems then what is needed.

And I would start off with a good Christian FRIENDSHIP first before I started dating a girl so I would know her well enough to know if I feel like she is suitable for marriage.

Well, sounds like a good plan.

 

[oworm]

And I would start off with a good Christian FRIENDSHIP first before I started dating a girl so I would know her well enough to know if I feel like she is suitable for marriage.

And of course......the converse?