That article is really good and enlightening in this matter. E.g. these quotes:
.. The entire principle of this popular attitude was that the man was a kind of servant to the woman, whom he idealized beyond all reality; and he performed his servitude by kneeling, spiritually and figuratively. ..
.. But kneeling in general in European history has been a sign of supplication, humility, and servitude. ..
I see you neglected to include the Christian references which I anticipated. That's why I didn't post it a few days ago. It's possible to read the piece from two perspectives depending on your position.
A man taking the initiative for a marriage proposal would be perfectly fine and even ideal, but the other way around may also occur - e.g. see the exceptional story of
Ruth and Boaz where she takes the initiative with the intention to seduce Boaz and thus for him to subsequently marry her. Luckily her plan fails but Boaz then in turn takes the initiative to marry her based on her 'expression of interest'.
Ruth wasn't attempting to seduce Boaz. Her presence was considered improper. Much like you see in western customs. Couples found in a similar state would be expected to marry lest the woman's name be compromised. Men have never borne the same scrutiny as women in that respect. Judah and Tamar are a good example.
You see the same in classic literature as demonstrated in Pride and Prejudice. Wickham and Lydia runaway and he's forced to marry her to avert the scandal of impropriety and ruination of the family. The accusation jeopardized her prospects and her sister's. They expected women to be virgins.
In respect to biblical headship and submission, the positions are divinely forged but the realization within the pair is contingent on their obedience to God. The measure of the love we have for others is in direct proportion to the love we have for Him. He's the sanctifying influence.
.....
To the OP,
When I desired to understand the Lord's perspective on marriage and courtship and how it should unfold I began with the bible and read a lot of material on relationships, marriage, men and women, communication and so on. I started with the main subject and worked my way through resources that addressed challenges, solutions and personal growth.
I didn't contemplate dating or marital woes. I determined if marriage was the Lord's will and began my preparations much like Esther. That doesn't begin with the nuptials. It starts within. That's how you attract a man/woman after the Lord's own heart and avoid the pitfalls.
The most important quality in marriage is the one that receives little discussion and that's prayer of course. That's how you learn to lead, yield, forgive, turn the other cheek and consider the other above yourself. The Holy Spirit is The Refining Fire and prayer is one of His mediums. It makes us vulnerable and places a mirror before us that reveals who we are. That's when we see the ugliness, hypocrisy, judgment and so on.
The more you pray the less you look to others. Your questions begin with the Father and you learn how to wait and discern His response as the day unfolds. He's always talking and we don't realize it because we're distracted. Learning to hear from God is a necessary tool for spiritual growth and relational harmony. With continued practice we develop wisdom and others turn to us.
When we place our attention where it belongs the rest falls in place. We don't worry if we'll marry or concern ourselves with gender wars. We're not disturbed by societal changes or what's happening in the church. Experience has shown us otherwise. He's greater than that. Far above our circumstances. There's no reason to fret.
The question we should consider is whether our trust in God is greater than our fear. If we trust Him, truly trust Him, we know He's got us. We don't think, feel, believe or hope. We know He's in our corner and rest is settled.
~bella
), but considering the deeper meaning of 'love' - that is seeking the well-being of the other despite a price to be paid / sacrifice to be made - it follows that a wife who truly loves her husband also would seek his well-being even when that requires her going out of her comfort zone.
