Robert, I am struggling along with you. Check out
I'll Be Honest - Media Ministry of Grace Community Church - Tim Conway - San Antonio, Texas listen to some of Tim Conway's videos on repentance. If you've already listened to them, listen again. It sounds to me like you are trying to work your way to repentance or work your way to finding salvation.
Jesus commands us to repent. Impossible? YES. With God? NO. Throughout the Gospel Jesus commanded men to do things that they could not do. Palsy men to walk, Peter to walk on water, blind men to see, these people surely could not do these things in their human strength but their faith is what made it possible. Christ even raised dead men by simply commanded them, He commands all men to repent, even though we are dead in our sins yet He is commanding us to come to life. So REPENT. Stop relying on self and have faith in Christ. We are commanded to repent, and it is impossible to do so on our own strength it is only by faith. The Bible tells us that if we do not believe the Gospel that we've made God to be a liar, we are ABLE to repent because Christ has already conquered sin for us. Our repentance is a response to the gospel. It's a turn from disbelief to belief and admitting we are unable to come to Christ by our own merit or understanding but it is by FAITH.
Believe me I am struggling right along with you but the more I am understand it is only by my faith that I am capable of anything, just as it is with repentance. We cannot repent on our own but by our faith we can. If you desire to repent then it is not to late to repent. I believe you're referring to Romans 1 where God gives people up to their lusts. If the Holy Spirit wasn't at work in you, you would not be convicted because God would have completely left you and you would not care so much like you do. We need to stop focusing on OUR repentance and start focusing on what Christ accomplished and our response to it is in faith and this will produce a repentance towards sin. By trying to produce a repentance ourselves is trying to add on to what Christ already accomplished. All we need to do is believe and trust Christ sufficiency and God will produce the repentance. Remember its all by grace.
I'm struggling along with you, and though even saying these things that I've learned it's difficult for me to completely understand, or to know if I've truly repented. But it's not based on if I've repented properly, or if I'm repenting enough or if I'm believing enough, but trusting in Christ and that His death and resurrection was sufficient.