Why bother with Love?

[Apollonian]

Why do we bother with the often complex and troubled process of finding and keeping Love (eros)? Since for some of us, it is nearly impossible to find people who share common interests, and when we do they are often already spoken for... why bother? Is it worth it? How?

My original thread was hijacked, so I am starting a more straight forward one here. Please present your thoughts, but please do not reply with things of the nature of "Trust in God" because that is not an answer to my question. I would like to know what people think the earthly (God-designed) rewards are for Romantic Love (eros)?

EDIT:
By "earthly" I do not mean to ignore God, but as earthly beings we must operate in an earthly world. If we were to ignore earthly things and focus entirely on heavenly ones, we would very quickly miss out on what God is doing here on earth.

 

[Heiroglyph]

God created a couple powerful emotions which give us the drive to find love.
One of them is loneliness. The other is sexual longing. Oh there are like a bunch of minor ones too but Id say these two are the most driving of them.
Don't think it is just an accident that we have these emotions driving us.
God knew what he was doing when he made them. He wants us to be paired off. If you don't feel those emotions strongly then you'd probably be just as happy being single for life. Well you're special and rare then.
1 Corinthians 7
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband

 

[Buskanaka]

Not sure what else you really want.. to say outright "to trust in God is not the answer" seems to be saying "there is no answer". Because He is at the root of *every* solution.

True, but too often people just spout off generic Christian rhetoric and jargon without actually thinking about the question. I think that is what he's trying to avoid, I don't think he's saying not to trust in God.

 

[JeremiahJ]

Sorry about contributing to the "hijacking" of your last thread.

Bothering with love... hmmm... Well, there's the whole chemical emotions thing. It's pretty uncontrollable, pretty strong, and pretty addictive. There's a longing for companionship that I have. I desire to be with someone for the rest of my life. I want them to know me and I want to know them. It sounds wonderful to become one with the person I adore. The overall physical touch thing is not something I want to live without for the rest of my life. Sex must be nice as well. Also, inside jokes with people who you're incredibly close to are a blast. You can just look at them a certain way and you both have a hard time not laughing. It's reassuring to know that someone loves you deeply and places you as the #1 man (or woman as the case may be) in their life. That's more than reassuring I suppose. I can't think of many things I would want more than to be loved and valued. I think that's why I want to continue to look for love.

 

[Apollonian]

Thanks Buskanaka, I'm glad that I am making myself clear at least to a few people.

Good answers Croc, Jeremiah. Setting the whole physical/chemical thing aside for a moment, what about loneliness? I would agree with Jeremiah that being loved by someone that you love is a wonderful thing, but is it worth all of the trouble?

I need to point out that not everyone has very much trouble at all. There are some people who can get along easily with a majority of their peers. Others of us have been given unique (not better but simply more rare) gifts from God which set us apart. So, if you could only find one attractive person out of 500, would it be worth it to fight for her (him)? What if there were other guys (girls) fighting for her (him)? What if different circumstances conspired to keep you apart, interfereing parents, interfering friends, or other commitments?

Is it better to learn how to cope with loneliness as many a solitary, celibate monk has in the past? Or is it better to find ways to compete in the sport of fishing the proverbial sea, trawling farther and deeper as the need may be?

 

[JeremiahJ]

I would say that for some, it may indeed be better to be content with being alone. Coping with loneliness is not the way I would put it though. Rather than learning how to cope, a person who was going to spend their lives unmarried should learn how to not have a partner and be okay with that, loving and enjoying their lives just as much as a married person.

I think for the person who longs for a beloved and does not think they will get as much out of life without a spouse is better off finding "ways to compete in the sport of fishing the proverbial sea." And here is where I would normally go into seeking out God's will, trusting it, and going after it without restraint as it pertains to pursuing a particular person or persons in general. But, I won't do that.

 

[lawtonfogle]

sexual longing is not one of the strongest factors. Loniness is not one. There are no small ones. I never looked. I never asked for it. I was agianst it. Why do we look for love, I can never answer, it is a question to which I will never bother with. I found it without looking, and if it ever leaves, I will not seek it again, for the nature of love would not allow me to ever seek it now.

Why do I continue? I wish I really knew, but the best I can say is that I continue to love becuase it is love. If I would to stop, it would never be love, so for me to stop loving her, I must never haved.

What is the point in love, to become one with who you love.(this is not to mean have sex. Becoming one is just that. I can't explain in words what it is.)

What is the point in looking for love, I can find none.

Is it worth it, I have yet to know. What I do know is that with love comes pain, for with true love comes wisdom and knowledge, and those two bring pain. Ecclesiastes 1:18.

For with love comes the understand of what it means to remember the past, in the light of what is, the hope of what may be, and the pain of what could have been, and will be.

For the understanding of that brings much pain to my heart. Was it better when I was but a child with no care in the world? Yet the hope of what may be keeps me going, in the thought of the other four.

Five in all, four cause pain, one is hope. When the hope becomes faith, one learns what it is to love. To know that one day, she will walk away, I will turn around, she will drive away, to never see her again alive. To know what could have been, but will never be. To remember what was, and to long to go back to that time. To know what is, and to feel the pain of today. Is it worth the hope, the faith, or what will be?

 

[Apollonian]

Nice. I can see at least that poetry may be far more eloquent in explaining the issue than my usual analytical discourse. My thanks.

Any other thoughts?

 

[Tumbleweed64]

I believe a lot of times a person just fears of being "alone"

 

[lawtonfogle]

Nice. I can see at least that poetry may be far more eloquent in explaining the issue than my usual analytical discourse. My thanks.

Any other thoughts?

talking about me? That was not poetry, or I did not try, I just typed as the thoughts came. I think it may be a cryptic as poetry now that I have read over it, but it made sense coming out, but so does most things.

 

[ivanisavich]

I do agree with the idea that love can be complicated and can end in hurt, stress etc etc....but the benefits of a healthy romantic relationship far outweigh the possible negative side-effects of pursuing one

 

[covenantwmn]

I agree with ivanisivich. At this point in my life, long as I knew I was within God's will, I want to say i'd do anything within my power for love, but knowing that if in His will, I wouldn't have to do much, as He chooses the mate and is in control. But the flesh cries out and craves love and wants to assure a desirable outcome. Hopefully, I wouldn't get in the way and I would have the mate God has for me. There is the Godly woman in me that knows that He knows best and trusts in that---as the years pass. Then there is just me who wants to do all within my power to "make things happen." But thankfully, i've now lived long enough to know that that just usually winds up in a lot of expended energy for nothing. Really good post, thought provoking.

 

[mina]

I see human love as one of the most positive experiences that God created for us to enjoy on Earth. It feels good to be in love and to be loved and to give love, and not just in a sexual way. Love between a man and a woman is a mirror of God's love for us , and God created it to be an earthy demonstration of Himself. The benefits of a good , healthy, romantic relationship outway all the junk you put up with to find it.

 

[stormgade4]

See above.

 

[vibrant]

I see human love as one of the most positive experiences that God created for us to enjoy on Earth. It feels good to be in love and to be loved and to give love, and not just in a sexual way. Love between a man and a woman is a mirror of God's love for us , and God created it to be an earthy demonstration of Himself. The benefits of a good , healthy, romantic relationship outway all the junk you put up with to find it.

i agree

 

[Apollonian]

Then there is just me who wants to do all within my power to "make things happen." But thankfully, i've now lived long enough to know that that just usually winds up in a lot of expended energy for nothing.

This is a good point. Often times we can overwork ourselves over nothing, simply because we are romantically frustrated. Yet, in another sense, we do have to "make things happen" if anything is to happen at all. Taking a fairly comical example from a book I recently read - It is entirely possible that a girl will fall in love with the FedEx guy. However, beyond this possibility, the girl will have to leave her house in order to meet possible dates.

I think that the trouble comes when we try to find a balance between holing ourselves up into our solitary rooms and forgetting about dating life and overdoing things by looking for anyone to ask out. What is the balance?

At what point does "making things happen" become useless and simply drains energy? At what point does "not making things happen" become self-defeating behavior leading to more poignant loneliness?

Why?

 

[kisstheson]

Roses. cards, love notes ~ gifts from Jesus. Yup! I'm braggin' on Jesus. If any one has experienced inrequited love it's Him. My heart goes out to you. He totally understands the desperation anf lonliness you experience. Sometimes the pain is so bad you feel like you could die.

When I have more time I would like to share a testimony with you.

Blessings!

 

[covenantwmn]

At what point does "making things happen" become useless and simply drains energy? At what point does "not making things happen" become self-defeating behavior leading to more poignant loneliness?

Why?

LOL, good point. There has to be a balance, but I truly believe, in the end, God does miracles and has a plan that even we can't mess up if we call Christ our Savior. Really good posts!!

 

[JPPT1974]

Roses. cards, love notes ~ gifts from Jesus. Yup! I'm braggin' on Jesus. If any one has experienced inrequited love it's Him. My heart goes out to you. He totally understands the desperation anf lonliness you experience. Sometimes the pain is so bad you feel like you could die.

When I have more time I would like to share a testimony with you.

Blessings!

Don't quit bragging about Jesus please. Because we need to hear more and more about Him. Keep right on bragging and bragging. We never, ever will tire of hearing about Jesus.

 

[Tenorvoice]

At what point does "making things happen" become useless and simply drains energy? At what point does "not making things happen" become self-defeating behavior leading to more poignant loneliness?

Why?

At what point??

When you start to set up idols and you start to worship them instead of worshiping God the Father, like we are created to do. They become idols to us when we put them before God. They can be anything at all, relationships with other people, money, cars, TV, music, secular books....(way to many thing to list out here).

Yes you have to take the effort and go out and meet people, and those kind of things. THink of it this way...God tells us to "..be still and wait.." right? Well this is the same kind of "waiting" that we are doing right now waiting for His glorious second coming. We are not sitting on our duffs ( or aleast we are not supposed to be ), we are out doing thing to survive, working, and living, and doing His work too.

I hope this kind of helps you out some. I know that you said that you did not want the "Trust in God" answers but you really do need to Trust in Him, in all things.

God Bless

Tenor