why bother trying to make friends?

[Musician4Jesus]

I try to make friends but two problems keep occurring.

I've heard incessantly you have to be a friend to have one. I try to think of others before myself and I don't try to pick sucky timing with hanging out with them calling them etc. (I try to be aware of their schedule and work around that since mine is really flexible). However I am tired of being treated like I don't exist by so called friends and tired of the reality that most of the friends I make from church I only see once a week (at church) or at church related functions and I NEVER see or hear from them beyond that.

They are...

1.We have nothing in common besides our faith/relationship with God; we both love God that's great, but we have to have something in common besides that or there is no way I'll be able to relate to them.

2.I put all this time and effort into developing the friendship getting to know the person etc. By the time the friendship has become something meaningful it has drifted.

I also don't think people in general today have a clue how to be a real friend and yes this includes secular people but I'm talking about Christians too.

They become so busy with their own lives that they just treat the person like they don't exist.

To make things even more aggravating I notice a common attitude of 'well we have a friendship and we've known each for years so we're still friends' even if communication is non-existent. How?! If you really love and care about the person like you say you do you're going to make effort with communicating in the friendship. I fail to see how you can say you have afriendship with this person if you never send them an e-mail phone call and/or hang out with them.

Then I come across this selfish attitude of because of 'well this is how I feel loved and because you don't feel loved like I do, you're expecting too much out of the friendship'.

The friendship isn't just about how you feel loved and how you get love from the other friend; there are different ways of loving people, and if you're going to be friends with them you should at least care enough to take the time to see how they feel loved most, and try to express love to them in those ways.

How one person feels loved, might not be the same ways other people loved and vise versa....

 

[sdowney717]

Do you have a church life?

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Yes I have a church life but I still encounter all the problems with making friends that I listed above.

By 'church life' I mean I'll go to small groups when my church has them, go to church on Sunday and go any church functions that I'm aware of.

However as I said before I never see the friends I have at church outside of church/small groups/church functions.

Recently at a Bible study I was asked what I got out of it; I said I wish the fellowship could be more like it was in the early church. The response I got was 'we ARE fellowshipping now in the small group and the rest of the time we should just go and live our own lives'.

To me that is just selfish to not even make effort for anybody else/for the friendships in our lives cause we're so engrossed in our lives.

 

[seashale76]

I have issues with 'being a good friend' myself. It's actually one of the things I have to consciously work on. I'm friendly with a lot of people and have tons of really good acquaintances I'll hang out with- but I've learned that most of the people I know and meet are not going to be truly close friends and I don't take it personally if they drift away these days. Just try to live in the moments you do share with others.

Aristotle wrote quite a bit about different types of friendships. He recognized three basis for friendships forming- due to someone being good, being useful, or being pleasant. The relationships are only as good/perfect as those engaging in them. So, if people are equally virtuous, then they will have a great friendship, but if they have unequal moral development, then the friendship is usually driven by and lasts only at the whim of the least morally developed person in the relationship. The highest form of friendship is when a person wants only good things for another person and not for their own gain.

Unfortunately, most people are stuck in a very selfish form of friendship with most other people. In other words, they're only friends with people who they think have something in common with them and who are potentially useful to them in some way. If your usefulness disappears, then the friendship will soon dissipate. Granted, most people don't consciously think this way- and it really isn't malicious on the part of most- it just happens.

 

[Scottmcc1]

The answer for me has been to be a friend of Jesus. Jesus identified with the poor. So I reach out to the poor and help them. As I am helping them I am helping Jesus. Along the way I also have co-workers that are my friends as I help the poor/Jesus.

If we seek to save our life we lose it. If we lose our life for Jesus sake we find it. Luke 17:33
Isaiah 58:6,7,8

 

[jamiejohn]

Edit: Double post I'm sorry.

 

[jamiejohn]

What about joining some sort of club, dancing, book club? Or finding a fun hobby? Usually churches have lots of activities to get involved in or you could look into starting some at your church?

I know as people get older they have less time for friends, imo when you're 16-27 you have all the time in the world for friends, but as they get older and start families, they have less time for friends, so it can be an issue.

I get the same thing but I don't think they're doing it to be mean, the world is very fast paced and deep relationships can take a lot of effort and energy. So maybe they're just scared they might spread themselves too thin? I know families take a lot of work and effort.

 

[Quasicentennial]

All kinds of discrimination, from age, sex, race, general knowledge can become a decision-making part our lives and obviously we walk away silently out of respect. It makes sense to hide your honest thoughts that could hurt an individual's feelings, especially in public if you are a professional sports player or actor, or other celebrity. Like recently on the Australian news, a white teenage girl yells 'ape' at the Aboriginal football player, maybe because she dislikes her favorite team become a losing team simply because Aborigine men have superior bodies where injuries don't seem to happen as much as white men do.:
Trying to understand why God transformed one race into many different races from the past is just one of many queries from the Word of God that many of us would like to know and in fact hear and see our Lord Savior in person who will explain much more deeply into the cause and effect of the greed and wickedness of man - after his future return to defeat Satan, and then transform us with new minds of Christ with the highest level of intelligence so that communication and comprehension will be at their maximum level in whatever subject matter is discussed from science and technology to politics and sports .;'*';.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

It doesn't matter if you have a friend or even a spouse....there will always be something that neither of you agree with. So there will always be problems at times. I like having friends but I've grown used to not really having any in real life because I've made it this far without them (thanks to God).

To expand on that though I have LOTS of friends online. Even at this forum. sure maybe we don't see each other outside of here. We may never meet, but they are more my friend then most people have been outside of the internet. Not counting my wife of course whos my best friend.

 

[sunshine456]

Most of these so called members are denying the very commandment to......

Mark 12:30-35

New King James Version (NKJV)

30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’[a] This is the first commandment.[b] 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] There is no other commandment greater than these.”
32 So the scribe said to Him, “Well said, Teacher. You have spoken the truth, for there is one God, and there is no other but He. 33 And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, with all the soul,[d] and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
34 Now when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.”

To understand what love is; it is advisable again to pray for discernment and discovery of it's meaning, it's purpose and how to offer it or produce...the true definition, true direction and true production of it is ever so absent in many of us....and this is saddening to say the least. GOD the heavenly father loved us so much he gave us his only begotten son JESUS as a living sacrifice. So.....

John 15:12-15

New King James Version (NKJV)

12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.


Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[REPHAIAHPEDAHEL]

Proverbs 12:26 NKJV
The righteous should choose his friends carefully...

Proverbs 17:9 NKJV
He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.

Proverbs 18:24 NKJV
A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Musician4Jesus. Why not follow Jesus`s advice to us? In Matthew 22:
verse 35-40, Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is:
Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Jesus points out:
" on these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Love is very important to God, and you will do God`s Will without making friends.
Treat all you know and all you meet, friends and not friends, treat them as you would love to be treated: with kindness and always friendly words.
God will see your kind efforts and God will bless you. Love is a Christian`s great weapon, Love will overcome all enmity and wrong behaviour. You might stumble and forget at times, but then ask God to forgive you and carry on
loving and caring.
You will find that people treat you as you treat people, and you will get many opportunities to be a " sign-post" to God, and life will be filled with friendly words and deeds. I say this with love, Musician4Jesus. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.