Why are you still single?

[PiNKFaITH]

PetraFan007 You dont have to lose wait to be more "desirable" You just have to give the right attitude, Obviously the girls that you were interested werent worth it, and they obviously werent the right girl for you, Pray about your situation, someone will eventually love you for your heart, your mind, and your love for God. Pray Bro Pray!
*Crystal

 

[Donny_B]

My first girl friend was when I was 16, and she was the principal's daughter of my high school. I did not actively pursue her, she just kind of "fell into my lap", so to speak. I think she just wanted a date to the prom, since she dumped me right after.

I had a crush on a girl in college from the Philadelphia area, but she would have nothing to do with me. I thought I had to join a college fraternity to impress her, but what a waste.

When I went out into the real world, I was busy in trying to start a career in the hotel industry. Working 40-70 hour work weeks left little time for dating. I dated a few times, but nothing really to write home about.

The last time I was "actively looking" was in my early 30's, when I joined one of those dating services. I was also fixed up with someone during this time, and we dated for about 3 or 4 months. This was when I was a general manager of a limited service hotel, that was taking up a lot of my spare time, being on salary and constantly on call. Meanwhile, I was getting into a lot of credit card debt, topping out at about $30,000. The hotel management company was not giving any raises and they went bankrupt, so I had to quit and start from the bottom in the hotel industry again in order to start paying my credit card debt down. This required 2 jobs and 70 to 100 hour weeks, with no time for dating.

I did finally get that credit card debt paid off. It was a good experience, because it gave me an excellent credit rating, and I was able to easily get a mortgage for a house in which I currently live. During that time in which I was stuck behind the front desk of a hotel, there were enough slow nights where I could sit down and watch tv and relax...not a bad job, huh? And when I had no customers and I was alone, I would take out the Bible out of a drawer and start reading it...I read it all the way through over a 12-month period (Although a minister's son and having grown up studying the Bible, I had never read it all the way through...but I finally did!)

Back when I was working so much, when I would get home I would just eat...I put on a lot of weight and did not do enough physical activity to work it off. But in the past 8 months, I have made myself make time for exercise and have watched what I have eaten. I have lost 80 pounds, and my goal is to lose another 70 pounds.

After getting out of debt, I was able to quit one of my jobs and return to 40-hour work week. I am now trying to build enough of a savings cushion, so I don't get into debt again. Dating can have a draining effect on your finances if you are not careful! As time goes by, my financial picture will continue to improve. I will continue to work out and improve my weight and physical health. I will feel confident enough by the summer, perhaps, to try out at the "dating scene" again.

 

[Stanfi]

Wow, it is truly amazing all of the feedback that this thread has gotten. I think that is great!

I can relate to so much. I was always more of an academic as opposed to an athteltic. Never had to much of a sense of fashion, still don't. I grew up in the country, so I have a lot of "rural influence" that is often not appreciated by many girls. Then again, I'm not really a "redneck", but I not a "city boy" either. I think I got stuck somewhere in the middle. I have always been quiet and shy. So it's hard to meet people when you lack social skills. For several years I was a good bit overweight. I lost that 4 years ago. Unfortuantley I have put some back on this past year due to some knee surgery.

One thing I see in common is that we all seem to think in order to get somone great, we need to be someone great! I think this is so true. It doesn't take faith to realzie that God has been working on me, I just have to open my eyes and look at the things I see and do.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Another INFJ chimes in! (maybe we aren't as rare as we thought! )

Why am I still single? I really wish I knew the answer to this one. I ask God alot why. For awhile I can honestly say He was working on me. I was in no postion to be in a relationship, in though I thought I was. I had been very hurt by a previous relationship and was pretty much drowning in life. I have learned alot in the past 7 1/2 years from that time, God has changed me from the person I was then, for the better. And I suppose since I am still single, either God still has some work to do on me, or He he has other plans for me.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Why am I still single? P-M-S! haha Several reasons really. I am picky....there are no decent single men in my town/county...none, zero, zilch, nada. They are either all weirdos with drug addictions and perverse behaviour patterns or they try to pull off this 'ultra religious' attitude. No decent, intelligent, self-respecting individuals here in this town. Second, I think my sense of humour is just too weird for men to take. Third, I am short and fat. Fourth...I'm ugly. Men are visual...they don't like what they see, they won't pursue it. I'm not necessarily 'putting myself down.' I'm stating a simple fact that I have decided to live with. I won't change my sense of humour and I don't have the finances to change my looks. Weight...easier said than done. As for geographical location....I haven't found anything decent on the 'net either. The thing that bothers me about being single is the fact that at my age (nearly 34) I'm looked upon as if there is something wrong with me. I also can't seem to find single friends in my age group....especially Christians. The one Christian singles group I am aware of in my town is full of people my parents' age...which isn't a bad thing but in reality...my parents' are both divorced so if I want to hang out with single fifty-somethings I can go visit either my dad or my mom.

 

[Living4Him03]

speaking of divorce, is anyone afraid of divorce? I mean, it's almost like it's a way of life now! people marry and they automatically think that they will get a divorce someday! It' just accepted! I don't want to accept that, but I do worry sometimes that when I get married my husband will get bored (sex and other areas as well) with me or will just find someone else, or will decide it was a mistake and not want to live with his mistake! I guess it's something I have to pray about really hard!

 

[KeilCoppes]

speaking of divorce, is anyone afraid of divorce?

Extremely wary, yes. I'd hope that with divorce it would be like my parents and alcohol - they grew up in bad situations and committed to keep it from ever happening to them. Avoiding divorce means great caution and working to practice wisdom! Much better to be single than betrayed!

-kc

 

[klewlis]

speaking of divorce, is anyone afraid of divorce? I mean, it's almost like it's a way of life now! people marry and they automatically think that they will get a divorce someday! It' just accepted! I don't want to accept that, but I do worry sometimes that when I get married my husband will get bored (sex and other areas as well) with me or will just find someone else, or will decide it was a mistake and not want to live with his mistake! I guess it's something I have to pray about really hard!

I'm really not... which is a big deal considering all of the divorce in my family--dad thrice, mom twice, and nearly all the relatives with maybe... 3 exceptions?

First of all, I trust God to lead me in the right path. I have been doing that all my life and He has never failed me, and I have no regrets. So I'm sure he wouldn't abandon me in a decision as huge as marriage.
Secondly, divorce is not in my vocabulary. It is simply not an option. And I will be sure to marry somebody who feels the same way and is as committed to making it work as I am, no matter what. I think that we can greatly reduce the risk by careful screening.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Secondly, divorce is not in my vocabulary. It is simply not an option. And I will be sure to marry somebody who feels the same way and is as committed to making it work as I am, no matter what. I think that we can greatly reduce the risk by careful screening.

Amen to that!

(Though I was shocked to find it in my sister's vocabulary - it isn't in her husband's, and he's still a great and caring guy. At that point I went back to make sure it was in my dictionary under "avoid at all costs!", "not for consideration in a godly marriage"!)

 

[Living4Him03]

you can say all that, but they happen! to CHRISTIANS! It's just kinda scary. Getting to know someone is too, it's SO HARD. It's not easy at all...I thought it would be, but it's not. It takes a LOT of work. *sigh*

 

[KLLM82]

speaking of divorce, is anyone afraid of divorce? I mean, it's almost like it's a way of life now! people marry and they automatically think that they will get a divorce someday! It' just accepted! I don't want to accept that, but I do worry sometimes that when I get married my husband will get bored (sex and other areas as well) with me or will just find someone else, or will decide it was a mistake and not want to live with his mistake!

"Fear" -- Does it profit anyone to fear anything? Is fear (being afraid) from God? Does He fear anything? By operating in fear, you're opening a door for the enemy to come in and make your fear turn into reality and he has the right to because you're using something from his territory (fear). I'm sure you've heard people say "what you fear the most often happens"...and people wonder why. Instead of being afraid of something, why not pray about it and be at peace?

-------------------------
From an article:

Where adultery begins:

In your imagination. You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt. 5:27-28). Adultery begins in the mind long before it occurs in real life. What are you thinking about? Have you failed the Lord in the area of mental adultery?

With conflicts. Every relationship has conflicts. If couples don't address those conflicts, they will find themselves becoming disillusioned and drawing apart. Couples need to clearly communicate their needs and wants with each other and resolve to dealing with conflict as it occurs. Husbands and wives must learn to settle their own problems and not gossip, complain, or seek comfort with someone other than their mate.

With immaturity and irresponsibility. Too many people enter into marriage looking for someone to serve them, rather than someone to serve. They want passion over commitment. Genuine love is not a feeling - but a decision to keep loving even when you don't feel like it because you care deeply for the person you are married to and are committed to the relationship.

With inaccurate models. Anyone watching TV sees romance, excitement, fulfillment, and even music and candlelight. They think, My marriage is so dull. So unromantic. Maybe I need to find someone else who can give me this. What you see on TV or the movies is not real. What is happening in your own home is the real thing. That is where goals and solutions must be made.

Expectations. Your mate cannot satisfy you - only God is the satisfier who can fill the vacuum in a human heart. Don't put unfair expectations on your spouse.

Lack of nurture. Don't deprive your mate of the love and affection - both emotional and physical - that you promised at the altar. Realize that the greatest need in life is to serve people beginning with your spouse and family.

The expectations you bring to your partnership can make or break your marriage. The more openly you discuss your different expectations in the early stages of your relationship, the more likely you are to create a vision of marriage that you agree on and that is unique to the both of you.
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Learn more on how to make relationships/marriages work instead of worrying about the wrong things that you fear will happen. That will be beneficial .

Be blessed!

~Katia~

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

Im still single because I


lol JK

 

[Saxman]

I'm still single, because the chances of an attractive, intelligent, warmhearted Christian girl my age being a) Single and b) Interested in me are extremely slim, and I do not believe in just settling for whatever is avaliable, I would rather be single than with a girl I had no feelings for. Plus I am extremely shy and find rejection very soul destroying and have already had my feelings toyed with by a few malicious women.

 

[rotorhead]

Why am I still single? Way too many reasons to list them all.

So far, of the women I have actually dated, all but one would probably have married me, but I felt as if it was wrong. Gotta go with God's leading there. The other one decided the same for me. Better to be alone, than married to the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

I suppose the biggest reason is the most complicated though. Several years ago, I made a major change in my life. I felt God's calling, and quit my job to become a pilot. Most of my life changed right there. Ever since, I have moved often, never getting to really settle in any one place for too long. Being a pilot really complicated my life. I have often had to work on Sundays. And I have found myself traveling plenty. I have always known that the best place to find a Christian woman was at church. But I went about 2 years without ever going to the same church three weeks in a row. Not really good for getting to know people.

On the one hand, following what I believe to be God's will has been the best experience in my life. I have never been more satisfied with most aspects of my life as I have the last few years, even though the hours and pay have at times been horrible. The other side of it though, is that it significantly cut away most of my means for finding the right woman.

Truthfully, I struggle constantly with loneliness. But it seems that this is what God has for me right now. And my arms are too short to box with God.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

seriously! where is our sense of humor

*referring to my picking my nose post*

 

[klewlis]

you can say all that, but they happen! to CHRISTIANS! It's just kinda scary. Getting to know someone is too, it's SO HARD. It's not easy at all...I thought it would be, but it's not. It takes a LOT of work. *sigh*

It definitely happens to Christians. But what I'm saying is that you can eliminate a number of risk factors long before you even get married--by choosing a spouse who is emotionally and spiritually healthy, choosing someone who is godly and kind, getting to know them *really* well, talking about what commitment means to you, getting pre-marital counselling, learning conflict management, getting to know their families, by seeking God's will, etc, etc, etc. And then once you are married you continue to grow together spiritually so that when troubles come you are able to deal with them... and you continue to trust and seek God so that he will protect you in the hard times. If you do all these things the risk of divorce is reduced to almost 0... and the rest may be sheer willpower, but that's ok too.

 

[joyful12]

Why am I still single??
I asked myself and God many times, why am I still single? I am turning 30 years old, and I have not really hv one close relationship. I don't know.. sometimes I tell myself, maybe God thinks that I m not ready for a relationship.
I have started to pray to God for a relationship and a build a family at the age of 21 years old . I still pray to God till today.. and I see none. Sometimes I am really sick and disappointed. I thought maybe I should just stop praying to God about it...and let it be.. I dont' know what is His plan for me... I dont' know what to do..but anyway I guess I will just wait and continue to pray to Him

 

[klewlis]

Why am I still single??
I asked myself and God many times, why am I still single? I am turning 30 years old, and I have not really hv one close relationship. I don't know.. sometimes I tell myself, maybe God thinks that I m not ready for a relationship.
I have started to pray to God for a relationship and a build a family at the age of 21 years old . I still pray to God till today.. and I see none. Sometimes I am really sick and disappointed. I thought maybe I should just stop praying to God about it...and let it be.. I dont' know what is His plan for me... I dont' know what to do..but anyway I guess I will just wait and continue to pray to Him

Last spring I was driving home from a roadtrip and was thinking a lot about this. I realized that I was spending my life waiting... putting off decisions and things that I wanted to to, "just in case" something should happen and I get married. I realized that this is the wrong way to be living. From then on I started living my life without that constant "well maybe I'll meet someone" hanging over my head. Do what you want and need to do. Don't wait for someone else to come along, thinking that they will make your life full. God can make your life full right now, without a spouse. That is what he has done for me in the past year and I am loving it. You don't have to stop praying about it, but instead of praying "God please send me someone now", pray "God, I want to have a peaceful and joyous life with you". Then if it is his will to send you a spouse, he will do that--but you can have a fulfilling life either way.

 

[Praetor]

They're a million reasons why I'm still single

First is circumstance. I only been in one romantic relationship in my life back in 1999 and it lasted about two months and we never got around to kissing (it was a Christian relationship). I'm soneone who is shy, can't tell if a girl is interested in him, and can never find a good way to ask a girl out. I'm also someone who still lives at home.

Second, it's also choice. After living 31 out of 32 years at home with my mom, I want my own space or at least live with roommates. Why would I be so eager to put someone in place of my mom? I want to set my own schedule, do the stuff on my to do list like study a martial art, work out, hang with friends. I also been thinking about living in a urban environment. I also would like to travel to Europe by myself or with friends. Now I know people say you can do all this with a spouse. However, first of all, I'm not sure I want a spouse involved in all this (I'm not so sure I wan't my spouse to kick my but in krav maga). Second of all, alot of I want to do is expensive and my mate is going to have desires too. Third, if kids come into the picture (and if one is open to marriage, then one has to be open to kids as well), kids cost $180,000 each from birth to age 18. And that is a toll on time as well.

Third, I am going to pursue a career in law enforcement. I just been hired by a major urban police force and will begin training in ten days from this post. Police work is tough on marriage and family life. Its long hours and the job is hazzardous if not lethal. The divorce rate is high among police officers as well.

 

[GL2814]

Girls just can't seem to get pass that mentality of "You're a good guy", "You're a good friend." I don't mind it. I just wish that they would get past it.